Nursery - how much of an issue would this be for you?

[itsfrompenzance]

Looked round a very nice nursery last week, with lots of outdoor space, great activities and a relaxed vibe. We are interested in this particular nursery because of its physical setting (loads of countryside and a Forest School). I also really liked the owner and the manager. The behaviour of the children was generally good.

BUT

One of the children is the owner’s child. This child was quite forward during the look-around and my own child got a bit of a fright from them; although the behaviour wasn’t bad or anything, a small toy got thrown about and hit my child.

My concern is whether this child might be allowed to dominate the setting. My instinct says it might be an issue, given how the dynamic seemed on the day.

Please vote YABU if this wouldn’t bother you or if, in your experience, it hasn’t been an issue in similar situations.

Please YANBU (and comment if possible) if you would go elsewhere.

Is your DC the same age as owners DC? Will they be in the same room?

Yes, roughly.

Honestly it's a tough one, can you ask for another look around and see how the dynamic is then? All young children have their moments and it would be a shame to discount somewhere otherwise ideal setting.

It depends on the owner and what they expect. My ds was in the same situation but the owner never allowed or expected favouritism.

I can’t imagine even giving this head space when choosing a nursery tbh

AngelicInnocent

True, but they’d never admit to favouritism!

Motherhood comes with a bonus named maternal instinct. Listen to it.

I would arrange another visit and make a decision from that. I personally wouldn’t like it if during an open day (a day when the school is supposed to be presented in the best way possible) any student was in a position to hit a prospective one - accident or otherwise. So my concerns would be the same as yours.

Hmm I think I would trust your instinct on this one. I visited a nursery for my DD where the manager had a child in the room she would have been in. The child was distressed and the manager was very distracted, it completely put me off.

notforonesecond

Why not? Wouldn’t it bother you if one child was allowed to rule the roost, or wouldn’t you think it could happen?

GrumpyHoonMain

That’s my feeling on it. My child was there all of ten minutes and was upset, so even though the rest of it looked great, I thought that was off.

DH isn’t sure he agrees...

If the other children seem happy enough then it shouldn't be an issue. Is this Nursery, so like one year and then a different school/preschool with different children?

It’s a pre-school really, up to Reception.

Would it not be stranger if the owner’s child went to another nursery?

That said if you don’t like it, then you’re not unreasonable to pick somewhere else. It’s your child and your money.

I would suggest you try one more time. It could have been a one-off?

Would it not be stranger if the owner’s child went to another nursery?

It wouldn’t be very practical for them, would it? That’s obviously the right decision from their perspective, but I’m not sure it’s the best thing from ours. If the child hadn’t appeared quite dominant over others it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

JellyBellies

That might be a good idea. We’re visiting one more setting next week so if I like that one I might call them and say I’m torn and can we visit again.

My child is in the same room as the manager's child and it's really not an issue. One of the staff had her son in the same room as she worked in as well and it never seemed to be a problem, he was treated in just the same way as the rest. Don't see it as a blocker to an otherwise suitable nursery, as someone else said, I'd find it more strange if they sent their children elsewhere - what's wrong with the one they work in?!

If visit again if there was something I wasn't sure about, but having family children at the setting wouldn't be a negative for me. In fact pretty much all the staff at DC nursery send their DC there, which I see as a positive. They don't dominate at all, although as they get older they probably do have a bit more responsibility (eg, sent on messages to other rooms, whereas other DC wouldn't be). Have been using the setting for for years and never had a problem with it

Is the owner in the room typically, caring for the children? I'm not sure tbh, it might well bother me.

EssentialHummus

Yes, she is. Her child is (I think) 4, so quite independent, but yes, same room.

Does the manager actually work in the room with the child? In nurseries I've seen, the manager is mainly admin and sorting external stuff. If they're not in the room with the child most of the time then I cant imagine the staff give them special treatment

That particular child might just have a dominant personality, regardless of who his parent is. Another nursery may have equally dominant children there who are not staff children but you would have the same issues with dynamics in the group, if that makes sense?

what happened when the toy was thrown? My DD went to a very unstructured nursery and they didn't do anything when they throw toys which is pretty dangerous. I'd advise always going with your gut feel - a second look, or keep looking.

In nurseries I've seen, the manager is mainly admin and sorting external stuff. If they're not in the room with the child most of the time then I cant imagine the staff give them special treatment

Well, she’s the owner and seemed pretty hands-on.