Nursery - how much of an issue would this be for you?

[itsfrompenzance]

Looked round a very nice nursery last week, with lots of outdoor space, great activities and a relaxed vibe. We are interested in this particular nursery because of its physical setting (loads of countryside and a Forest School). I also really liked the owner and the manager. The behaviour of the children was generally good.

BUT

One of the children is the owner’s child. This child was quite forward during the look-around and my own child got a bit of a fright from them; although the behaviour wasn’t bad or anything, a small toy got thrown about and hit my child.

My concern is whether this child might be allowed to dominate the setting. My instinct says it might be an issue, given how the dynamic seemed on the day.

Please vote YABU if this wouldn’t bother you or if, in your experience, it hasn’t been an issue in similar situations.

Please YANBU (and comment if possible) if you would go elsewhere.

OP are there any primary schools nearby with a nursery class? My son was in nursery class at his school (yr2 now) and we live in a village surrounded by farms and countryside so his whole school is a Forest Schools member. He was outside everyday doing forest schools in nursery class.

My DS aged 2 goes to a nursery. It's in the owners (very big) house and her 2 sons are there. Yes, they are confident as you would expect in their own home and with their mother. But my son loves them and they greet him every time he arrives, help him take his coat off and play beautifully with him. This was just a show round... Once your little one settles in they get use to the child. Good luck :)

In theory there should be no favouritism. Owners child should receive same treatment as others (I worked where my guy went and if anything I was harder on him 😳). Visit again, and maybe speak to parents who have children there now. I believe in listening to instincts, but leaving your child in a setting can screw your mind at the start (as a parent I've been there but I also work in a setting). You could be bold, and even ask how the owner deals with disagreements with her child. I think it's reasonable to ask.

Have another visit.

I totally agree I would find it odd and be a negative if owner’s/manager’s/staff member’s children were sent to other nurseries. However I have also seen a boisterousness and would describe more of a competitive ‘claim’ to the nursery space from children of staff members. So would be a bit wary of this if this dominance negatively impacted on my child...which did happen when the parent was in charge of the room their child was also in. It obviously also has a lot to do with personality too. It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if the nursery was great in every other respect.

No, I would look elsewhere.

I can't vote for some reason, but I am taking DD out of primary (a privately owned school) where the boy in her class gets top marks in everything. Nobody tells him off, teachers are scared to, because... his Dad is the main investor in the school.

He is nasty to DD and it is making her miserable. (Also racist to another child, which upsets DD)

This will be the tip of the iceberg in knock on effects (IMO)

Dds nursery was not purpose built. It was an old building with large windows and a decent outside space. Anything like that near you?

I've got mixed feelings. I am not wildly keen on children being in a setting where their parents are in a position of authority. (My own children play for a different sports team to the one where I volunteer for that reason.) But given a choice between a great setting with a staff child, and somewhere with poor facilities, I woukd probably go for the former. But i would definitely want to look more than once to try to reassure myself that it was not going to be a huge issue.

Has your child said they don't want to go back? If not I would ask to do a trial session and see how it goes. Maybe the owner's child isn't always like that. And hopefully his parent is working to teach him good social skills. He's only little too, after all.

If you had a bad feeling, I wouldn't send my child there. If my child have problem with owner's child, I assume it's difficult to address the issue. That will put me off. If there are other choices available, I wouldn't choose the one that may have potential problem.

If you run a nursery and you have a nursery age child then of course they will be there. Most parents aren’t aware but it’s usual to have children of staff.

It could be a problem but it just as easily could not be. For what it’s worth I changed the hours of my DC when I found out that the room leader would have their grandchild in on the same days as them. 0-2 room and my DC would be at the upper end and the GC was starting at 3 months old. I can’t think of many people who wouldn’t, even sub consciously, end up putting their DC/GC first. I was lucky enough to be able to jiggle hours though. Is that a possibility for you?

My DS was at a small private nursery for two years with the owner's daughter (and, thinking about it, the other owner's granddaughter, as the nursery was run by a mother and daughter). No issues at all and he thrived there.

To be honest I don’t like ‘relaxed vibe’ when it comes to children. I want Mary Poppins style on the ball!

Actually I think you need to think carefully about this.I have worked in a nursery that the managers child attended.None of the staff were challenging her unwanted behaviour as they didnt want to upset the manager.Her older sister had also attended the nursery and at primary she bullied my daughter for two years.

I would follow your instinct. If something doesn’t feel right, this is your child, it’s not worth the risk. However, it does seem a shame if the nursery is right in every other way. Could you have a trial run? My grandson has just started nursery, and the first morning was free. The problem comes when you have to commit financially, so far in advance. My daughter’s SIL works in a nursery, and has sent her 9 month old baby to another, because she said it just wouldn’t work them both being in the same one. I do remember though, when my children were at nursery, the owners grandchildren were there, and it seemed ok. I always say to my children, their instincts are the best judge. Hope it all goes well🤗

Does the nursery not do a trial? My son has a trial at the nursery I’ve chosen. 2 hrs in the afternoon on 2 separate days. Day 1 I stayed an hour to watch then left. One staff members grand daughter was there and didn’t seem to be treated any differently. In fact one of the older boys accidentally squished her, and it was another staff member that dealt with comforting her and telling the other boy to be more careful (he seemed a bit of a handful always climbing on things).
Day 2 is tomorrow and I have been told just to drop him off and go. I’m trying not to be a bit precious about leaving him lol.

Trust your instincts!

I’ve gone for yanbu, but there is always a dominant child. You could go to another nursery and a dominant child could be there or join. I agree with other posters who suggest another look around

The managers of my daughters nursery have their kids in the classes too but never any issue with being dominating or rude or anything. It was an accident. This can happen anywhere. You can’t bubble wrap your child. Teach your child confidence from day 1. All friendly advice.

I think I’d want to have another visit, just because the positives of this one sound so good - my DC went to a forest nursery and it was fantastic.

But this incident would concern me. My DC went to a nursery where the owners child was violent towards one of my DC. It was pretty bad, but it was also taken very seriously. The owner apologised to me in person and was obviously mortified. It never happened again and from what I observed the owners DC never received special treatment. If they had I wouldn’t have kept my DC there.

I would suggest talking to some of the other parents and see what they have to say.

Things happen, it is how the adults deal with it that would influence me. I would look again, see how things are and how other children react to the child. It would also be worth seeing how outdoors the setting really is, many are restricted access due to staffing and requirements to plan the day to meet Ofsted standards!

A friend has a child at a nursery with the same situation. Managers child is in the same room as hers, completely dominates the activities and is super outgoing so always gets her own way. Friend finds it frustrating as often she stops the other children from playing with toys/each other and is allowed to do so (from what’s seen at pick up/drop off). She doesn’t want to move her child now but in hindsight would perhaps have picked another nursery.

Have another look around