Nursery - how much of an issue would this be for you?

[itsfrompenzance]

Looked round a very nice nursery last week, with lots of outdoor space, great activities and a relaxed vibe. We are interested in this particular nursery because of its physical setting (loads of countryside and a Forest School). I also really liked the owner and the manager. The behaviour of the children was generally good.

BUT

One of the children is the owner’s child. This child was quite forward during the look-around and my own child got a bit of a fright from them; although the behaviour wasn’t bad or anything, a small toy got thrown about and hit my child.

My concern is whether this child might be allowed to dominate the setting. My instinct says it might be an issue, given how the dynamic seemed on the day.

Please vote YABU if this wouldn’t bother you or if, in your experience, it hasn’t been an issue in similar situations.

Please YANBU (and comment if possible) if you would go elsewhere.

I've worked in a nursery in the same situation. Said child was a nightmare, would go upstairs without permission to go get sweets, didn't eat the meals with the children, had a special lunch with nana etc. Drove me mad.

It really depends on the owner and how she / the staff deal with the situation. If her ds is unkind to yours and you feel you can’t discuss this with them, that will be very awkward. I totally agree with a second visit.

I have to say that staff members children in private nursery's are treated differently. My children went to a nursery and the children of staff had treats that the other children don't have. I was extremely annoyed by this, I would never give my child a ice cream/lolly/sweets in-front of other children at home without including the other children but they did it all the time. My kids were at the after school club so school aged and old enough to be upset about things like that. I moved my kids as I felt that this was extremely unfair. I don't expect them to provide these things but I certainly don't agree with some kids having them when the others can't.

That doesn’t really worry me. You can’t have eyes on a child 100% of the time.

Whilst that is true your child was an unknown quantity during the visit and should have been watched like a hawk. They should have seen your child get hurt as they should have been paying particular attention to them

Whilst that is true your child was an unknown quantity during the visit and should have been watched like a hawk.

There was a member of staff sitting with her. I think it was just a bit confusing where the toy landed. Anyway, I’m not worried about that.

There was a member of staff sitting with her. I think it was just a bit confusing where the toy landed. Anyway, I’m not worried about that.

They can't have been sitting that close if your child was hit hard enough to mark, but the staff member missed it. If they were they weren't exactly paying much attention.

Hopefully you'll get a feeling you can settle on at the next visit.

She was, she was sitting right there. My child is very quiet and well-behaved, And was being watched. It was the other child who wasn’t being watched that closely and I think that’s pretty normal in a nursery setting. The behaviour overall wasn’t a worry to me.

I guess it depends on the nursery. At the nursery my DS goes to, the owners son is there and actually another staff members child. It's never been an issue.

I work in a nursery where I was the key worker for my manager's son (baby room) she expected us to treat him no different than we would any other child (she would even tell him off if and when appropriate) if her presence made the situation worse she would remove her self until afterwards. It just depends on the type of manager and what she expects I guess. I wouldn't let something like that change my opinion though.

Most nurseries I go in to have staff members' children attending. I certainly wouldn't rule out a setting on that basis.
Equally, there are 'confident' - and yes, let's be honest - children with 'challenging behaviour' at most nurseries too for 101 different reasons.
I wouldn't rule out an otherwise lovely Nursery on either grounds

The behaviour wasn’t unkind and I don’t think the toy was thrown deliberately. That would surprise me. It was more like there were one or two children - including the owner’s child - who had more “presence” than the others, and seemed to enjoy being in charge. Hard to put my finger on exactly.

Not really, but to be fair I didn’t see the toy get thrown. I was in conversation with the owner so she didn’t see it either. It’s more that I assume that’a what happened because my child has a mark on their head and the owner’s child was upset. The member of staff who was sitting with them just said, “Oh, I think you gave them a fright with the toy!” to the child. And I assumed that was all that had happened. But then I found a mark on my child.

Hm. How much of a mark? And where?
Because that must have been a fairly hard throw to leave an actual physical mark...

That would worry me much more than the owner's child being there....

Hm. How much of a mark? And where?
Because that must have been a fairly hard throw to leave an actual physical mark...

Little scratch. I can see how it would happen. It wasn’t a big dent or anything.

Ah... Idk.
loud kids are ime normal.

Do you feel like it was properly dealt with?

I agree, visiting again would be a good idea. Or simply picking one where you have a better feeling (if that's possible?)

Do you feel like it was properly dealt with?

Yes and no. The other child was upset too and I didn’t see exactly what happened, so I wasn’t expecting him to be told off. But my impression overall is that this child and at least one of the others are getting away with a couple of things I wouldn’t want to see in my ideal setting - bossing the other children a bit.

But my impression overall is that this child and at least one of the others are getting away with a couple of things I wouldn’t want to see in my ideal setting - bossing the other children a bit

Doesn’t sound like this is to do with the owners child and more to do with how the staff interact and manage the children in general. If you are uncomfortable with that then I would say that this is not your ideal nursery and to keep looking.

I go the other way to a lot of PPs. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

If the owner’s child is there, you can bet standards will be maintained, staff will be on best behaviour etc. I also think all children need to learn to deal with all other types of children. I really don’t think a child would be adversely affected at nursery if one other child in the setting is shown different: “better” treatment (in fact, is happens frequently for various reasons).

I don’t think a worry about favouritism outweighs the upsides of access to the outdoors and the other upsides you’ve mentioned.

I’m on the fence. The trouble with the owner having their own child there is that the owner might be ‘blinded’ to a situation where her child was involved.
I would certainly recommend another taster session and be very vigilant with the owner’s reaction to other children who are playing with her child. Difficult I appreciate as you’ll be wanting to watch your own child.
If in doubt, find another provision.

I really don't know. Is there an other one where you have a better feeling?

Or just go to an other visit and be extea vigilant in regards how these children seem to be treated (as everyone else said).

I really don't know. Is there an other one where you have a better feeling?

I’ve viewed two other settings and not really been impressed: huge numbers of children, poky upstairs rooms, limited outdoor space, other things that just didn’t fill me with excitement compared with having her at home.

I highly doubt their child dominates the setting because a small toy was thrown. I work in a nursery and 3 of my colleagues have their children in the same room (one is the manager) and they are treated the same as any other child I think it’s a funny mind set to have personally. I would look at other issues, not this

In the past I’ve not acted on something like this and wondered why I didn’t act differently

I’d want to know more about their general behaviour policy, throwing toys always needs discouraging. Good luck with the other viewing.

I'd say go with your gut feeling on this one. If you honestly feel like a couple of the childen are very much dominating tje setting and getting away with things the others wouldn't, then I I probably wouldn't feel that positive about it either.
You do often get more dominant children in nurseries, and part of learning how to interact with these children is also part of how to get along with them, while not letting themselves be pushed around. Nursery staff don't always jump right into every situation, as it's useful to allow children to learn how to resolve things themselves. Did the child in question say sorry, or were they asked to if they hadn't attempted to of their own accord? I'd expect this at least. If staff literally ignored it and behaved like nothing happened, then yes, I would be concerned.

If this happened right in front of you and your child was scared - ( put yourself in Dc’s place ) would you want to be left there ?