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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend owing money, don't know what to do

131 replies

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2019 22:18

I lent a friend nearly £1000 when he was stuck last year. He was working FT and told me he would pay me back weekly with his paycheck...

In 15 months he's paid me £120.

I've just lost patience with him and told him so. He's retaliated telling me that he will pay me back x total, and y per payday. Apparently I'm unreasonable for saying this paltry amount is an insult.

Despite working FT, he has an expensive weed habit aibu to insist he pays more to clear the debt and do without his luxuries (!) until he has?

OP posts:

popsadaisy · 10/11/2019 22:19

YANBU!!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/11/2019 22:19

Yanbu to be pissed off.

I would absoloutley never lend a soul 1k however going back in time is really not an option.

Small claims court if he doesn't keep up the repayments?

almostfreeatlast · 10/11/2019 22:19

Write it off. Save yourself the stress. I don’t think you will see any or much more of that money.

NotBatman · 10/11/2019 22:22

Here's the things with friends and money.

Don't give them anything that you wouldn't mind never getting back. If they really needed a small loan like that, they could take out a credit card, go to the bank, etc. There's plenty of ways to take out a legit loan for that amount that would have reasonable payment options.

I'm sorry you are learning this the hard way. I would mentally let go of it and stop considering him a friend. In the future, don't lend money they you'll be upset about losing.

Hanab · 10/11/2019 22:22

Make sure you have a signed contract! Even one now to make sure you get at least a paltry sum ..

You will have a leg then yo stand on in small claims court .. tv

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2019 22:22

almostfreeatlast yeah I would love to write it off but unfortunately I can't. From a monetary perspective and also that it's a lot of money to steal from someone,so I've pushed him constantly. I rang him last night and can't believe the dismissive attitude. Just 'i will pay you back x at y rate as and when I see fit' like he sets the terms. Gets my back up

OP posts:

Hanab · 10/11/2019 22:23

Gosh don’t know where the tv came from 🙈 probs thinking of judge rinder!

whatsinthebagwhatcoulditbe · 10/11/2019 22:24

Do you have anything in writing? If not, and probably even if you do, I'm afraid you are not going to get that money back.

Bottleof · 10/11/2019 22:24

That's truly shocking OP. Can't believe anyone would treat someone who was a friend so casually.

Perunatop · 10/11/2019 22:24

Use the small claims court, and do not forget to add any charges you have to pay. Tell him you are doing this just in case he rediscovers his conscience.

almostfreeatlast · 10/11/2019 22:26

I know what you mean. I doubt there’s many people that can just accept not getting £1000 paid back BUT realistically I don’t think there’s much you can do.

Outsomnia · 10/11/2019 22:27

Could I ask what the money was for?

I do not lend anymore, but would never see anyone stuck, so will get a home delivery of food, and pay their utilities. You know they are genuine when they pass on the utility details. Just saying.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2019 22:32

Outsomnia I was a bit of a mug by my own admission 3 or 4 days after we met I got a text asking for a tenner for fuel to get to work (he sounded desperate) and it just escalated from there.

He wanted to go on a stag do in Prague and also wanted a new computer (second hand) for work. I stupidly gave in to this.

I know I've been daft, please don't lay into me what gets under my skin now is his dismissive attitude and making out like this is not a priority bill!

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 10/11/2019 22:35

Tell him you’re desperate and need it ASAP. He’s a cunt.

Chloemol · 10/11/2019 22:37

GO back and say you want the money repaid in the next four weeks, in full. After that you will be going to small claims court. I would never lend friends or family money I wouldn’t be prepared to write off, so basically I would help out immediate family but not friends. They have their own families to go to for money

RubaDubMum89 · 10/11/2019 22:38

OP, let me just clarify... You lent him money 3/4 days after you FIRST met him? As in, you didn't know him 5 days before?

BlackCatSleeping · 10/11/2019 22:39

Write the friendship off but not the money.

I think insisting on 100 pounds every pay day until the debt is clear is reasonable. Follow up with texts and make sure he follows through.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2019 22:40

Chloemol even if I do this and a judgement is made against him, isn't it just another debt that he avoids paying?

OP posts:

Smelborp · 10/11/2019 22:41

Do you have it in writing? If not, I’d write to him now setting out what you’d like in terms of repayment and stating his original promise.

Original poster

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2019 22:42

RubaDubMum89 he texted me a few days after we met pleading poverty for a tenner for petrol. I helped him out but obviously it has escalated since then!

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 10/11/2019 22:42

You lent him mon ey for a stag do? i thought it was like an emergency and he was depsrate

No point in small claims you dont have any proof unles syou got him to sign a contract

Beveren · 10/11/2019 22:44

If you get a judgment against him, you can enforce it by sending in bailiffs or applying for attachment of earnings, or potentially be getting an order requiring his bank to pay you.

DorisTheFlorist · 10/11/2019 22:44

Do you have a couple of bulky male friends? Send them round to liberate £1000 worth of electronics from his house.

pugparty · 10/11/2019 22:44

You can keep trying but you would be lucky to ever see this money again. The rule with lending money is don't lend what you can't afford to lose/never get back. You know you've been a fool, shame it was an expensive lesson but you know for next time.

shiningstar2 · 10/11/2019 22:45

No help to you I know op but personally I would be very reluctant to lend this amount to a friend. As Not batman has said, it should be quite easy to get a legit loan for this amount. I would suspect, if a friend asked me instead, that their credit rating must be dire. Surely most people would rather take out a proper loan with a bank or somewhere if they were able.

You have done your friend a huge favour by trying to help him out with a loan. It is terrible that he hasn't kept to his side of the bargain. Even worse to try to fob you off as though you are the unreasonable one. If he's in too much of a mess to make proper payments at the moment the least he could do is admit this and apologise to you and make sure he at least gives you something every week/month. It is really abominal that he is trying to make you feel bad about asking for your own money.

A hard lesson for you op. It is said that you should never lend what you can't afford to loose. I certainly can't afford to loose £1000 and you probably never imagined that this would happen to you. Good luck with getting it back but I'm afraid you might have to write it off.

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