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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend owing money, don't know what to do

131 replies

Sparklfairy · 10/11/2019 22:18

I lent a friend nearly £1000 when he was stuck last year. He was working FT and told me he would pay me back weekly with his paycheck...

In 15 months he's paid me £120.

I've just lost patience with him and told him so. He's retaliated telling me that he will pay me back x total, and y per payday. Apparently I'm unreasonable for saying this paltry amount is an insult.

Despite working FT, he has an expensive weed habit Hmm aibu to insist he pays more to clear the debt and do without his luxuries (!) until he has?

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 11/11/2019 00:39

As you have texts proving that you lent this bloke the money I'd take him to the Small Claims Court. I've done it three times for various debts and won each time. It's cheap, easy and effective.

Once you have a CCJ against someone you can enforce it using bailiffs if you need to, as I recall. He will have to pay for the bailiffs as well as the debt itself.

Mind you, I haven't been through the process for several years now, so it may have changed in some details. Have a look online.

It's really not an intimidating process. It's not a courtroom and it's not formal - you sit at an ordinary table opposite each other and the judge wears ordinary clothes.

BrendasUmbrella · 11/11/2019 01:56

The problem with the contract is if you didn't agree the payment terms. So he could say I'll pay you £1 a month, unless you've agreed (ideally) that it will be paid by x date.

But it still comes down to agreeing, even then. If he says "I'll pay you back 50p a week", it doesn't become verbal contract, unless she agrees.

I'd go with Small Claims Court. There's no way this guy is going to pay you back the balance if you've only had £120 in 15 months. You'll still be chasing him in five years. It's a lot easier to file.

FriedasCarLoad · 11/11/2019 02:48

No point in small claims you dont have any proof unles syou got him to sign a contract

Wouldn’t his text offering (slow and little) repayment count as confirmation?

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/11/2019 04:41

I’d take him to small claims. There must be texts on there, where he offers x amount a month and then reneges.

Countryescape · 11/11/2019 05:19

Take him to the small claims tribunal.

fuzzymoon · 11/11/2019 06:31

He is using you and was never a friend. Who asks to borrow money from someone you've just met ?

He will not be paying you the money back, it was never his intention.

You say that if you go to the small claims court you'll be just another debt he doesn't pay. So he has form for this, with organisations and people.

I think this is an awful life lesson unfortunately.

User3421090989098 · 11/11/2019 06:36

Who are these people who meet people and hit them up for money? No friend of mine has ever asked me for money for petrol or whatever or for a large sum like 1k! I just don’t understand these people.

stupidis · 11/11/2019 06:40

I was in this position - my BF's cocklodger asked me for money to buy her a birthday present and said he would pay back with the next week's pay.
Of course I didn't see it. Prodded him a few times and said that he could pay in increments. Still didn't.
Got to 4 months later and I texted him and said I needed it back by the end of that month or I would tell the GF.
He paid it back, but I know what you're saying - it fucking ate me up and I still have to fake being accepting of him.

MollyButton · 11/11/2019 06:43

YANBU to want it back.

YABU to have lent money that you can't afford to write off. Never do that again.

You will have to go and talk bluntly to him and explain how desperate you are for that money. He may well bad mouth you, you may not get all the money back, but you might guilt/embarrass him into some of it.

Marylou2 · 11/11/2019 06:49

Tell him that if he doesn't pay you in one month that you will discuss this issue with the HR department of wherever he works. You won't of course but it might be a wake up call. If that doesn't work you'll need to write both him and the debt off. Sorry.

UhareFouxisci · 11/11/2019 06:50

Not a friend.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/11/2019 06:51

If you have texts etc where he admits his liability it may be worth taking him to the small claims court.

He's a wanker - personally whenever I saw him in public, especially with other people, I'd be commenting publicly "Wow! Nice shirt! Did you buy that with the thousand quid you owe me instead of giving me my money back you tight bastard?" and then jokingly "I hope none of you have been as daft as I have. Never lend him money. You'll never see it again."

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/11/2019 06:51

Tell him that if he doesn't pay you in one month that you will discuss this issue with the HR department of wherever he works.

Not sure how this would help - it's nothing to do with them.

Isthisit22 · 11/11/2019 06:53

Small claims court is your only option here. You are wasting your time asking him for it. At least he has admitted the loan through texts so you should win your case

KatherineJaneway · 11/11/2019 06:58

You need to look at small claims court and if feasible, threaten him with it. Sorry OP but he sees you as an easy mark and that won't change until you develop some teeth.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 11/11/2019 07:03

He is not a friend

You were mistaken in trusting him

You'll never get more than a few drips and drabs,

I guess it is called "learning money" : you learn not to lend people cash (that is what banks are for)

What a bastard he is

Ragwort · 11/11/2019 07:04

You can research the small claims court on line but even if he gets convicted he still might just not bother to pay the loan back, people like him don’t care about their credit ratings or the moral values of oweing someone else money.
Twice Blush we stupidly lent £1k to different people (one a family member) & never got it back. We had to write it off, we still see the family member and just try & ignore it otherwise we would be bitter for life. Easy to say that I know but sadly I don’t think you will see the money again.

isitxmasyet · 11/11/2019 07:05

You can get as annoyed as you like but you won’t see that money

His attitude tells you everything you need to know- he doesn’t feel any shame or responsibility so why would he ever go without in order to pay it back

Not a cat in hells chance you will see that unless you can take back goods fo cover it or go via small claims but without a written contract that won’t work

megletthesecond · 11/11/2019 07:08

You won't get the money back. He's a conman, not a friend.
Write it off and never lend money again, unless you can afford for it not to be paid back.

Roussette · 11/11/2019 07:09

I can't get over threads like these when MNers come one and say 'write it off'. It happens time and time again.

Why in god's name would you just write it off? I wouldn't, I'd be pursuing him to timbuktu and back to get back my £1,000

OP I'm not going to have a go at you, but I'm at a loss to understand how it's gone from lending him a tenner for petrol to £1,000 for stag dos and whatever Shock

You were a soft touch then, don't be one now. Tell him to borrow the money off his parents, friends, go to the bank for a loan whatever, but you will be taking it further unless you got your money back pronto.

Roussette · 11/11/2019 07:13

I'd be commenting publicly "Wow! Nice shirt! Did you buy that with the thousand quid you owe me instead of giving me my money back you tight bastard?" and then jokingly "I hope none of you have been as daft as I have. Never lend him money. You'll never see it again."

I would do this too.

Someone took money from me (I didn't lend it), long story I trusted them in a business arrangement and they stole from me. I pursued them relentlessly, it cost me money to do it but I went the legal route and after monthly payments over years eventually got it back. I also made sure everyone knew what they'd done.

Why should people get away with this sort of behaviour?

Pringlesfortea · 11/11/2019 07:21

I think he saw you coming op
I expect he’s not your friend and he’s just using you

catsmother · 11/11/2019 07:30

In cases like this where your trusting and generous nature has been taken advantage of, a lot of people naturally feel embarrassed and ashamed once they realise they're not going to be getting their money back any time soon, if at all.

At that point, and assuming you don't want to go down the small claims route, you have two choices. You either 'accept' the situation, regardless of how unjust it is and write it off for the sake of your own sanity, vowing never to be taken for a fool again. Or, confident in the knowledge you have proof of the loan, you take absolutely every opportunity you get to tell anyone and everyone he knows exactly what he's done. With nothing to lose, there'd be a slim chance the public shame might prompt repayment and even if it didn't, I'd take some satisfaction from the potential damage to his friendships, as well as (likely) cutting off a future supply of further 'loans'.

Chancers like this rely upon people being too mortified (at their own gullibility) to make a fuss. I'd have no hesitation in calling him out, the shit. This isn't your shame.

Whattodoabout · 11/11/2019 07:35

I have learnt the hard way to only lend money I am happy to never see again. You should mentally write off any money you lend out to people, there’s always a good chance it won’t be returned.

I saw the weed habit and immediately thought you won’t get that back.

gamerchick · 11/11/2019 07:46

If you don't have anything on writing then you're not going to get it back OP. If you do, take him to court and at least your friendship will be over so he won't ask again.

He's a parasite, you've been sucked in. It happens.