To be angry at mil for going through my bags

[nuggles]

So basically we've stored 4 suitcases at the inlaws while we are in process of moving.

She rings today to tell me she's gone through our suitcases while she's moving them into the garage. I mean I know they're looking after our belongings for a month but to go through them...

Who the hell does that?!

People saying the OP should take her rubbish and not store at MIL’s. The MIL said to store the stuff at hers OP & her DH we’re storing them at a storage unit.

Everyone who feels it acceptable to rifle thro other people’s belongings, do you tell people ‘yes you can store your things at my house, but I will go thro the contents should I choose’?

I am quite at people saying it is common sense for her to condense.
What?
Surely if they could have been condensed the OP would have done it.
No way I would go through anyone’s bags. Not friends not my mum or anyone. I would ask DH before I did too. People deserve privacy.

@Deek11 did you get your stuff back, what happened? You can’t leave that story unfinished!

It’s not ok to . . . . . . . rifle through a colleague’s drawer if they are away from work

Oooooh! Just don't even get me started on this . . . .

Mil went through my Stuff in my house on a regular basis (did same to sil)... I found leaving a few notes saying ‘fuck off nosey mil’ left in places she shouldn’t of been looking soon got through to her 😬. (She wouldn’t of seen them if she hadn’t been going through my bank statements etc so she wouldn’t see them if she wasn’t where she shouldn’t be). Won’t work in the suitcase now but may help others currently struggling. It’s not been mentioned, but she doesn’t do it any more and we get on much better now!

I can't stop laughing at the justification responses, especially @GrumpyHoonMain.

I mean seriously?

You don't go through other peoples belongings, it doesn't matter what they are, why they are in your possession or what you think might be in there. You just don't. If you agree to store something for someone you are agreeing to respect their privacy no matter how small you perceive it to be.

There's no hysteria just rightful outrage at the absolute rudeness. The only reason the MIL rang is because she clearly disturbed some items and fearful her DS would realise has rung up to justify her nosiness.

It's hilariously obvious.

And Grumpy: learn the above lesson now because no amount of justification will get you off the hook if you behave like this towards your family/friends.

I've realised I'm just too trusting. It would never cross my mind to invade someone's privacy like this and would have assumed others wouldn't invade mine either. Now I know I really have to be super suspicious of everyone outside my immediate family, judging by the amount of posters thinking this is no big deal.

Another day of sad realisation of the flaws in human nature. Obviously I knew that there aren't nice people around but it absolutely astounds me that so many people think this is no big deal. Lack of respect is a big deal.

This is an utterly bizarre thread by Mumsnet standards! I can remember one where multiple posters piled in to agree with an OP who was outraged that her MIL had gone upstairs in her house to use the loo, and another where it was practically a hanging offence for a MIL to have read Christmas cards that were out on display. Yet here everyone is saying that it’s fine to open and rearrange someone else’s suitcases without checking!

Eyeroll to the trolls that jump on every thread to say the op is being hysterical no matter what the question. Hysteria being something we like to associate with women.

Its almost like some blokes have nothing better to do with themselves eh grumpyhoonmaine?

I'd have lost my mind. My ex mil had some of my stuff when I moved and I got it back exactly as I gave it to her and she was the overly motherly type of mil who offered to wash my clothes for me when I had baby even though me and her son weren't together at that point. The only thing she did ask was if I wanted the babys clothes washed or as new out the packaging and I asked her if she minded washing it as I wanted to make sure it was all washed in sensitive wash as he was premature.
Absolutely no reason for your mil to go through your stuff.

Take away the DIL and MIL relationship, or any other relationship, there's no excuse and no justification for rummaging through someone else's stuff.

If you store something for someone you ask house, loft or garage? from the get go and if you need to move it you have a conversation.

We're storing stuff for our DCs and wouldn't dream of investigating it. It's a trust and a respect issue.

The only time you need to check out stuff someone else has asked you to take care of, is if you're travelling or they're a known criminal.

She is your MIL, there is nothing wrong with her checking them out. She might have had good intention to keep your belongings safe. If you didn’t want her to see them, then you shouldn’t have given them to her to store for you.
When my mother in law visit us, she cleans and organize my kitchen and closets. And all my valuable stuff are in there, I personally don’t care if she sees or go through them. Maybe because I love her as my own mom.
And trust me darling, if it was your mom and she did that, you wouldn’t have mind.
Sometimes we have to think positive and make this short life more meaningful. Just an opinion.

And trust me darling, if it was your mom and she did that, you wouldn’t have mind

I would mind if my own mother did this
But she wouldn’t as she has confidence in my ability to pack cases and respects my privacy.

My kids are teens and I wouldn’t rifle through their rooms

I wouldn't dream of doing this to my own grown-up daughter and she would be, quite rightly, upset if I did.

Oh no! I couldn’t stop laughing when I read the OP!
You have my full sympathy and YANBU.
Hope the “condensing” was as successful as mine was - we left some bags of clothes at my DP’s GPs and they were apparently “condensed” to help us. Only DP’s clothes have come back so clearly they got rid of all of my clothes!

She is your MIL, there is nothing wrong with her checking them out. She might have had good intention to keep your belongings safe. If you didn’t want her to see them, then you shouldn’t have given them to her to store for you.

BS. It is an invasion of privacy and it wasn’t only OP’s stuff but her husband’s as well who was also upset or did you not catch that?

It’s one thing if both parties know this and don’t mind, but obviously OP and her husband did so it is not the same as your relationship with your in-laws.

My own mum and mil wouldn’t do this either unless they had permission from us. That’s what considerate people do.

Oh bless her :( Pure MIL classic, totally outrageous, but she was only trying to look after you 😬

I dunno. You have the option of being gracious and not making a fuss. Yes it feels like a violation but in the human scheme of things, I'd just laugh it off and be kind to her. It's not actually that big a deal.

I think it is quite a big deal when a member of your close family has so little respect for you or your privacy that they will rifle through your property with absolutely no good reason and then lie to you about why they did it.

when Mil has delved into our belongings in the past she's chucked stuff out.

And trust me darling, if it was your mom and she did that, you wouldn’t have mind

If my mother had ever gone through my belongings like that, I’d have been very cross. I was very close to her, but nevertheless expected her to respect my privacy (and she did).

I'd feel put out if this was me... And it has been! Mil bought me some smellies and underwear for Christmas a couple of years ago (only slightly mortifying opening lacy pants from your Mil in front of your FiL and everyone else but that's a separate thing!) SiL asked my Mil how she'd known my underwear size and what body spray I use and she very non-chalently replied that every time we'd been visiting for the last few months she'd been going into our room and rifling through my suitcase. Literally didn't see why that would shock me at all. And for the record my own mother wouldn't do this and I wouldn't like it if she had either!

Hope you've got your cases back now OP x

And trust me darling, if it was your mom and she did that, you wouldn’t have mind

I definitely would have minded. I am as entitled to privacy as any other person. But my mum wouldn't have done this, she respected our things as we respected her stuff.

And trust me darling, if it was your mom and she did that, you wouldn’t have mind.

Oh, you sweet condescending soul. Yes I would have.

When my mother in law visit us, she cleans and organize my kitchen and closets. And all my valuable stuff are in there, I personally don’t care if she sees or go through them. Maybe because I love her as my own mom

Your mil lucked out with you didn't she, nice pliable Dil who does as shes told without murmer....

And trust me darling, if it was your mom and she did that, you wouldn’t have mind

I would certainly mind, I'd go nuts if my mother dared.

YANBU, nor is your husband. She was being nosey and rude and used it as a way to tell your DH off for how he and you pack things. I can see why he's annoyed.