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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at mil for going through my bags

177 replies

nuggles · 10/11/2019 12:27

So basically we've stored 4 suitcases at the inlaws while we are in process of moving.

She rings today to tell me she's gone through our suitcases while she's moving them into the garage. I mean I know they're looking after our belongings for a month but to go through them...

Who the hell does that?!

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 10/11/2019 13:15

I would look through bags too before putting them into a potentially leaky, spider infested garage just in case you had anything valuable in there.

I doubt OP expected the suitcases to be stored in a leaky place. If you agreed to store someone's things temporarily, would you put them somewhere that they might get damaged? Spiders aren't going to affect suitcase contents.

I would be annoyed too. Why would she need to do this?

ChinaCat345 · 10/11/2019 13:15

I’d be furious too.
I certainly would keep my distance for a while
What was she thinking.?
If it could have gone into three cases, you’d have done just that
She was being incredibly nosey
I wouldn’t forget this.

Cannotresist · 10/11/2019 13:17

@Antigon

Have you read the tread? The op said in her second post the mil said she was trying to condense. 🤔

Frenchw1fe · 10/11/2019 13:19

Not terrible but she could have checked with you first. Eg; will your cases be ok in -- room? Or is there anything fragile in them?

Zoidbergonthehalfshell · 10/11/2019 13:19

OP, I would be livid. And this business of condensing them into 3 - does that mean she was going to throw away anything she found in them (your possessions) that she deemed unnecessary?

If either of my adult children asked me to store boxes or cases for them, absolutely no way would I go through them. I wouldn't care if it was just clothes and ornaments - they would be their private stuff. I would have no business opening them. If something happened that they needed to be checked, I'd ring them first and ask.

I don't even open mail addressed to DH without checking with him first.

DishingOutDone · 10/11/2019 13:21

Why didn't the MiL simply say she couldn't store the cases in the first place? How does agreeing to do something like that bestow you with such an entitlement?!

starfishmummy · 10/11/2019 13:21

Why would she condense them? What would she do with the empty suitcase, throw it away???

We stored stuff for a relative in our garage - it was supposed to be for a few weeks and ended up at several years. Not once did we look inside the boxes!!!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/11/2019 13:21

She cares passionately about privacy, but only her own! Anything belonging to anyone else is fair game.

My paternal grandmother was like this - wanted to know everything about everyone - especially finances, but was paranoid that no-one knew anything about her - and that included her past. As a child I couldn't even say "Did you have a dog when you were a little girl, Nanna?" without getting subjected to a tirade of abuse and her storming off accusing me of "prying" and not being taught manners/ to mind my own business etc.

I found out why many years later. I wouldn't have wanted to risk anyone finding our the sort of things I'd done as a child/ young woman, and indeed older woman either. She had lied, stolen and bullied all of her life. Many of the thinks she had done were, quite literally, criminal. She was the most evil, vindictive, controlling old bag I've ever met and I imagine that she's in a pretty hot place at the moment.

Livelovebehappy · 10/11/2019 13:23

When you say ‘in the process of moving’, how long have they had the cases? I have a friends boxes which she left with me 12 months ago whilst moving out and still hasn’t been to get them, despite several gentle nudges. They’re in our spare room, but I’m trying to de clutter so am very tempted to move them to our garage. Maybe your mil has had them for a few months and is just trying to make a point? I can never see why things are left with others for storage. Just keep them where you’re currently living instead of using other people’s homes as a storage/dumping facility, especially if we’re only talking about four cases.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/11/2019 13:24

I'm also a bit confused that you'd leave lots of cases in someone else's house and not tell them the contents.

Why on earth would you?

It's just suitcases of someone else's stuff - why would anyone want to know. We've stored stuff for son and his partner, and it never occurred to us to look through it.

I'd only look in it if it started to move, scream or smell.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/11/2019 13:25

Hopefully she hasn't "helpfully" thrown out anything of yours, OP!

Unlike the utterly insane MIL who went through boxes in her DS's own home and threw out the DIL's personal memories of her childhood etc.

Not minimising what your MIL has done, because it sounds like she's only one step removed from this behaviour - but I'd be VERY careful about leaving her alone in your house from now on.

Absolutely none of her business what was in your cases - she's just nosey and used it as an excuse to go through your stuff. How dare she!

Mothership4two · 10/11/2019 13:26

I'm also a bit confused that you'd leave lots of cases in someone else's house and not tell them the contents

Maybe she did but would you expect it spelling out for a member of your family? I expect they contained the usual suitcase contents ie mainly clothes, but that's not the point.

Original poster
nuggles · 10/11/2019 13:28

Interesting reading the different opinions to the replies.

So in laws offered to store the cases as we were about to put them into storage. And we're moving in 3 weeks. DH thinks she's just being nosey as when he was round there he got questions like 'why did you need to pack x, you should do x and x with these etc'

And yes no one should go through anyone's belongings regardless of where they are!

OP posts:
MeClavdivs · 10/11/2019 13:37

Very odd.

If my MIL wanted to move my things into her garage I am confident in saying that she'd text or call me to say that she wanted to do that and was there any reason why it might not be ok.

She wouldn't go through the cases herself, partly because she's got better things to do.

diddl · 10/11/2019 13:39

Well perhaps depending on the cases, the intention was to put a full one in the emptied one?

But you'd only need a quick look inside to see if it was possible to fit all into 3.

But all of that said, if she can no longer store them all then she needed to tell Op/her husband & let them find a solution.

No need to be going through them!

katewhinesalot · 10/11/2019 13:44

Cont believe that so many people think that this is in any way acceptable.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 10/11/2019 13:48

She said she was trying to condense them down into 3

This seems sensible to me 🤷‍♀️ . I honestly wouldn't care. I wouldn't store stuff I considered to be private in someone else's home anyway.

AdoraBell · 10/11/2019 13:58

Sounds like my late MIL. Glad your DH sees it the same way you do nuggles

Humpdayruminations · 10/11/2019 14:13

I really couldn't get exercised over someone else looking at my stuff. If you're looking for an excuse to hate her then this will do nicely though.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/11/2019 14:26

The condense them down excuse sounds like pure nonsense. Even if she could get the contents of four cases into three, she’s still going to have the fourth case to store empty. Condensing would only work if she could get one of the suitcases inside as well as the contents. You’d have to have packed them remarkably lightly for that to work and then she should be asking herself why you don’t want things too squashed.

If this is a first time thing and there wasn’t anything you are horrified at her seeing then I probably wouldn’t have taken them back. Just said that I thought it was really bad behaviour on her part and then not ever left myself vulnerable to her like that again. But I’m guessing this isn’t the first time she’s over stepped her bounds because that’s a pretty blatantly rude thing to have done and people don’t tend to do that sort of thing in a vacuum.

ToniHargis · 10/11/2019 14:34

Well I'm glad he's sort of made his point. Even more glad that he said something as a lot of guys don't want to deal with that stuff.

verticality · 10/11/2019 14:35

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling a bit violated when someone rummages through your stuff without asking. Perhaps anger is a bit extreme, but perhaps there is also back story here that would justify that.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/11/2019 14:47

I wouldn't store stuff I considered to be private in someone else's home anyway.

It doesn't matter whether it's "private" or not - it doesn't belong to the MIL.

IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS!!!!!

katewhinesalot · 10/11/2019 14:50

I really couldn't get exercised over someone else looking at my stuff. If you're looking for an excuse to hate her then this will do nicely though

It's not the actual looking through the bags. It's what it symbolises- Complete lack of respect.

ferrier · 10/11/2019 14:53

I couldn't get too bothered about this given the reason. However, if she has history for nosiness then my reaction would be different.

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