To be angry at mil for going through my bags

[nuggles]

So basically we've stored 4 suitcases at the inlaws while we are in process of moving.

She rings today to tell me she's gone through our suitcases while she's moving them into the garage. I mean I know they're looking after our belongings for a month but to go through them...

Who the hell does that?!

My DS and DIL are on holiday and I have a key. Shall I go and have a rummage through their stuff? Or should I respect their boundaries like a decent person?

She is a cf for doing that. Mine is a nosy cow as well, how much was that? What dh is paid? I would be livid too, YADNBU op.

Haven't read all responses so don't know if this has been pointed out, but it makes no sense for her to try and condense them into 3 suitcases, she would still have to store the 4th case regardless if it was empty or full, it would actually save space...

I'd go batshit, at least internally, probably an overreaction but we can't help how we feel, only how we respond. I wouldn't leave anything with them again, don't give opportunities for nosing.

Well, she's shown you who she is, so take note. Never let her near a key to your new place! 😕

If I was the MIL I would have assumed there was nothing confidential in the bags. I dont think I would have looked in them but really this is such a load of hot air. calm down. she probably wanted them out the way but didnt want to put anything in the garage that might spoil

Me and DH had to stay with his DM a few years back whilst our place was getting fixed. Every morning I would take down any washing that needed to be done, even before she would ask for any. At least three times a day she would ask if we had any washing, DH told her we bring it down first thing, and wash it. Well, DM got the shock of her life when she went rifling through our bags for washing, she came across our case of sex toys, collars, restraints etc 🤣 she never did ask for washing after that!

Next case you stick a big.. and I mean over foot long disturbing to look at sized.. dildo in it. Strap on style if you can. Make sure she never wants to look inside another bag again

I hate noseyness, surely when packing you condense stuff as much as humanly possible anyway? You’re hardly going to individually box the pots n pans.

Why do people think anyone over the age of 30 is going to have a fit of the vapours at the sight of a sex toy?

My MIL did this to us when we were moving house.

I packed a box of useful things for moving such as tools, electrical tape and scissors.

I also packed a box of DVDs.

For reasons unknown, she swapped the contents of the boxes over, so when I swung by after work for the "useful box," I only discovered once in the new house that I'd gone an hour out of my way for a box of DVDs and not the stuff we actually needed.

Yes, I could have checked, but why on earth would someone open two sealed boxes and then tamper with the contents?

it's all a bit 'what's yours is mine and what's mine's my own'....isnt it

@Antigon I was so shocked I actually was ridiculously polite and said it was fine

My inlaws went through all our belongings which were stored in their garage when we moved from a house near them to the other side of the country. I didn't know until I saw our belongings in their houses. I was too much of a wuss to say anything to them, they were awful to me back then, but now I would have gone mad at them.

Haven't read all responses so don't know if this has been pointed out, but it makes no sense for her to try and condense them into 3 suitcases, she would still have to store the 4th case regardless if it was empty or full, it would actually save space...

I thought this, but then I thought maybe she was intending to redistribute the contents of the largest case, and store one of the smaller ones inside it.

(She wasn't, obviously - this was just an excuse and she is a nosey mare. I hate invasions of privacy like this - unless you genuinely suspect that someone is running a terrorist cell/ being trafficked/ manufacturing class A drugs etc, you have NO RIGHT to look in their private belongings.)

This thread has reminded my of my father (I generally try not to think about him, to be honest). He has always had a strange obsession with other people's packing. He is absolutely certain that he can pack any amount of luggage into a smaller space.

Every time I came home from boarding school or university, I would get a long lecture about the size and number of my bags, despite my entire worldly possessions never going over 20kg because I had to carry them myself and had nowhere to store anything in the holidays. On the return journey, he would stand over me while I packed and yell at me for having so much stuff and packing it wrongly. I was also treated to very long lectures when I needed a new bag (even if I paid for it myself). Apparently 12 years of constant use is very little for cheap suitcases and I was clearly careless.

I'm not saying that the MIL was like this, but some people are really odd about suitcases. That doesn't excuse her going through them, of course.

Lol
Even if they could be condensed, you'd still have to store the suitcase!

I get you OP. My dm has a history of pulling tricks like this, stemming from childhood - reading diaries, 'having to' inspect underwear, hiding around corners eavesdropping etc...
40 years on - When we stayed over she went through all our clothes and made comments on things that could only be known from snooping. Also developed this thing where she would wait till you'd go to the loo and start asking you things through the door. Then glare you out and not speak when asked why she was doing it.
DP kicked off and called her a child which was a wake up for me and a reminder of all the past years invasive behaviour..
That was the last visit.

Why is condensing them into 3 a reason? She’d still have the fourth case to store empty or not! It wouldn’t make a jot of difference to her.

"She’d still have the fourth case to store empty"

Unless she could have fitted one of the full cases in it.

Either way she should (imo) have asked Op/her husband to repack to three or take one back if four could no longer be stored.

Do you really not have room for 4 suitcases wherever you’re staying temporarily? If it was loads of packing boxes that would make more sense. Anyway at least you now know never to trust your MIL around your stuff.

I think she was very unreasonable to open them but reasonable to ask what you want to store at her home. At the time, anyway. I would have.

I think it's understandable your DH is cross, but "livid" is a bit much, and may damage your future relationship with her.

i wouldnt say anything.....
next time she pops in for a visit grab her handbag and tip it out on the table and start examining everything one by one, and when she gets over the shock and starts freaking out, smile sweetly and say "oh? isn't this what we do to each other now?" , it wont happen again

Suitcases.

How did she think she was going to condense 4 into 3?

She was always going to be left with four suitcases.

This was blatant nosying. YANBU

I think it's understandable your DH is cross, but "livid" is a bit much, and may damage your future relationship with her

Why is it always the person who’s upset, fault? Isn’t MIL damaging the relationship? Trust being the biggest part?

Extremely rude. No excuse for it.

Glad your husband has boundaries.

But now you know!