To be angry at mil for going through my bags

[nuggles]

So basically we've stored 4 suitcases at the inlaws while we are in process of moving.

She rings today to tell me she's gone through our suitcases while she's moving them into the garage. I mean I know they're looking after our belongings for a month but to go through them...

Who the hell does that?!

I think it's understandable your DH is cross, but "livid" is a bit much, and may damage your future relationship with her

You mean MIL damaging her relationship with her own son who is livid. She went through their things without asking to be nosy. They’re adults, not children. She may have some form of being interfering or nosy in the past for him to be upset and this could just be the last straw.

I don’t know any parents that would shift through their adult children’s things as well as their children’s spouses without permission unless there is a level of trust established between them that it’s all right.

Do you really not have room for 4 suitcases wherever you’re staying temporarily?

The only place I'd have room for four suitcases without them being a major nuisance/obstacle is in the loft. They're not necessarily small cases, and not everyone lives in houses with lots of huge rooms. And they're not neatly stackable the way packing boxes can be.

I'd only look in it if it started to move, scream or smell.

Brilliant line If it did all three, I'd run!

I’m sorry but this is the definition of overreacting I’m sure you MIL respects your privacy it’s common sense that she would go through them to condense them, unless you have a history with her.

I can't believe the people who are saying that it's okay to open up the suitcases. I stay with my DD and SIL for a week or so at a time as it's a good distance to travel. They go off to work and I amuse myself, but I would NEVER pry into their drawers (except the kitchen looking for cutlery or kitchenalia) let alone a closed suitcase or whatever and they know that and trust me to be considerate of their privacy.

Op you have every right to be annoyed and YANBU.

If my son dropped off suitcases at mine to be stored I would assume it would be fine to check them before I moved them into a cold garage.

Awful of MIL to nose like this.

One suitcase might fit into another. We condense our suitcases in our loft - they all store inside each other. Very kind of her to be storing your rubbish. Perhaps it’s a hint that it’s about time you retrieved your rubbish.

YANBU. I would be upset about it.

Oh dear - I have done the same - clearly I am an odious bat.

(Context: niece, staying with me, left items in x2 storage crates. Some time after she left, I consolidated the.m I to one crate before putting in the garage for storage.

Totally unacceptable OP. Did your husband make this clear to them?

FFS, all the people saying it’s not a big deal, or MIL has a right to condense stuff etc.

Imagine moving house, renting a storage unit. A member of staff opens your unit, starts unpacking and repacking, trying to fit your stuff into fewer boxes. Are they helpful? Or fucking insane and totally out of line?

That’s bloody cheeky but definitely something my mother would do

I lived with ILs for 6 years when I was first married. My post was opened, wardrobe contents & any shopping bags in our bedroom were checked when we were at work. Suffice to say I am LC with them now. Some people really have no morals or manners (as you can see from a few posters on this thread!).

@Beansandcoffee
Nicely put, not, their belongings are not rubbish when they've been packed up and ready to move to a new house.

Op, so very not unreasonable, your stuff, not hers, so she shouldn't have looked. My mum is unfortunately the same, in my own home as well :/

She shouldn't have gone through the bags. But the husband's response made me chuckle. Oh no, MIL behaved badly and now as punishment you're not going to inconvenience her by storing your stuff at her house!

Very rude but "livid" and marching straight over makes it sound like there's something incriminating in there.

It's hardly an inconvenience to store their things, is it? It sounds as though she has a spare room.

Well, the obvious lesson here is not to store anything you mind her rifling through, at her house. Rent a storage unit!

She sounds like a very nosy person. Next time use locks.

Why are you calling the ops stuff "rubbish" @beansandcoffee? Is that how you justify going through her belongings?

To be honest I couldn't get worked up about this. Maybe in my large family privacy isn't really a thing! If I was storing stuff at my in laws I'd make sure there was nothing I wasn't happy for them to see. PIL were doing you a favour storing your stuff and I understand she wanted to condense it to take up less room , but yes she should have asked . I have 4 teenagers and have to make note to self not to do this in future, I think once you have older DC it's hard to stop thinking of them as kids and let go! But having partners things too must change it somewhat.

@GreenTulips
Why is it always the person who’s upset, fault? Isn’t MIL damaging the relationship? Trust being the biggest part?

Why? Because anyone who gets mad at their MIL is just a bitch looking fora reason. They are obviously over sensitive. Mil was just doing them a favour.

If my son dropped off suitcases at mine to be stored I would assume it would be fine to check them before I moved them into a cold garage.

Check for what?

Makes mental note that if anyone ever stores stuff for us it will be in a locked suitcase.

I’m sorry but this is the definition of overreacting I’m sure you MIL respects your privacy it’s common sense that she would go through them to condense them, unless you have a history with her.

But....what would you do with the other suitcase?

When I pack for anything I do in particular order. So moving things around would make it harder to find things