To be angry at mil for going through my bags

[nuggles]

So basically we've stored 4 suitcases at the inlaws while we are in process of moving.

She rings today to tell me she's gone through our suitcases while she's moving them into the garage. I mean I know they're looking after our belongings for a month but to go through them...

Who the hell does that?!

I think you have to remember that your mother in law is your husband's mother!
If I had cases at my mums house and my mum went through them to condense them down to fit in the garage I wouldn't be bothered. If my mil done it I would feel upset but I would have to remember my husband's relationship and the fact that she is his mum. I don't think it's an invasion of privacy. My brother has stuff cluttering my landing. If I could be bothered I would def go through his stuff to save space.

You need to chill out and be a bit more relaxed about life

She should have asked were the ok to kept in the shed/garage

Surely she just thought it was non essential clothes. I don't understand why you would need to ask your MiL to store these suitcases because you are in the process of moving. Don't you just continue to store them in the same place until you move?

I’m genuinely shocked by the number of posters who seem to think taking a look through someone’s things is ok.
If they were taking up too much space or needed moving or anything, the MIL surely only had to pick up the phone and say so.
It doesn’t matter that’s it’s in her home. It doesn’t belong to her.
It’s not ok to open a neighbour’s parcel if you have signed for it, rifle through a colleague’s drawer if they are away from work or casually pop your hand into a stranger’s shopping bag because you liked the look of some fabric poking out.
If it’s not yours, don’t touch. Surely??!!

The only slight allowance i will give her is if she thought they may get damp, the weather is pretty grim right now. BUT I dont think that was her concern.

For context, DD moved home last June for a temp period, her stuff is in the garage, its been there five months and i have absolutely no idea what is there. My garage isn't damp, and i am also a nosey cow but it never crossed my mind to look.

YANBU She is being mosey. Tell her to back off!

Perhaps she was looking for some dope to smoke. Who knows. Not exactly the end of the world. Perhaps she thought it was just her son’s clothes and not yours.

Not sure if someone has already pointed this out but why on earth would she tell you?!? It’s one thing snooping (obviously not cool) but quite another to then announce it 🤔 Does seem like a bit of a power play...

I think you have to remember that your mother in law is your husband's mother!

And the husband is just as angry about it.

I think you have to remember that your mother in law is your husband's mother!

And? That gives her what right to go through their stuff?

I'd only look in it if it started to move, scream or smell.

My MIL would do the same - can't help herself. It's a generational thing I reckon. Older folk aren't as shockable as you'd think. Stupid and rude but fairly easy to put in the past.

My m'n'law! Does it with everyone and doesn't even cross her mind its not OK!

Omg..this has happened to me! I stored a house full of stuff for about 3 months while I moved up country..paid a rent for the loft space!(hmmm)...came back 2 weeks before the agreed pick up date and basically my whole flat was now in my cousins flat...my pics..my lamps..my rugs..my bedding..my blinds..my kitchen stuff...

I wouldn’t give a damn if my MIL went through my suitcase, why? Because I wouldn’t give her or anyone anything personal or meaningful to store. It’s not a safe, it’s a bloody suitcase, obviously full of clothes - your MIL would’ve known there were clothes in there, it’s where you put most of them when you move house.
I don’t see the problem here - if you’ve given her boxes marked “private” or “personal” then either don’t give them to anyone or expect her to look.
They’re clothes in a suitcase fgs and she would’ve known this, everything else goes in boxes.

I don’t see the problem here - if you’ve given her boxes marked “private” or “personal” then either don’t give them to anyone or expect her to look.They’re clothes in a suitcase fgs and she would’ve known this, everything else goes in boxes.

Why should they have no expectation of privacy?!

Also, that’s not how everyone packs

I think you have to remember that your mother in law is your husband's mother!

And she needs to remember the son and DIL are adults and she’s a Nosey Parker

I would be livid too. You we're offered a favour but it's clear she just wanted a nose at your stuff. My mum and I are very close but she would never sort through my personal belongings without my permission, it's an invasion of privacy. Also by reading this thread I can assume it's okay for me to go through half of your handbags and condense them if you visit my house and I feel you could use a smaller one? Yeah I thought not.

@LovePoppy I was just wondering why OP and her DH are “livid” when MiL told them she’d opened the cases to condense the contents - this is NOT the same thing as rifling through their belongings with no other reason than being nosey.
Getting upset about this is just pointless imo. They’re clothes in a suitcase.

Don't write private thoughts in a diary and never expect privacy when your things are stored away at someone's home.

People are nosey. They look. Some take; my cousin stole my best shoes and dress while they were stored at my grandma's.

My mil threw out important information we
Stored at her home while bc it was "messy." Messy in a drawer that was closed

I never expect privacy. But i certainly never go looking in my dc's things. i don't want to know their private lives!

This lady reminds me of my MIL it is totally something she would do. My MIL used to have a just in case key to our house when my stepson was younger and she used to take him to school, after losing about 4 keys whilst rooting around our house and leaving the door unlocked on numerous occasions my DH changed the locks as she didn't really need a key anymore my DH decided prompted by my complaints about things being put back in places where they did not belong . One day DS was poorly and was in bed so DH asked MIL to go down to our house to look after him leaving his key. When I got home DS told me when I asked him how he had been and what he had done today, that him and Nan had been to get a key cut in town of cause because she needed one to our house. I told DH who questioned MIL and was told DS was mistaken so I said fine. That was until the following day came back to a livid DH as DH forgot to leave MIL a key whilst DS was still poorly and came home to find no one in door locked and them both at MILs house, post MILs denial subsequent argument, said key travelled towards the back of my DHs head on returning home he tried said key which opened our door 😂

Ok its a bit of an invasion of privacy on one level but its not the crime of the century either. A bit of perspective is needed. Im surprised noone is insisting "NC" which is what normally happens on here! Its worth a sarcy comment to her but I do find people love any excuse to bash their MILs on here.

*if she was opening them to condense them, which is annoying but not a major crime like, for instance, looking through a desk drawer at private paperwork.

But surely OP or her DH would have condensed the number of suitcases if that was possible before storing with MIL to ensure they took up less space there.

Also if MIL wanted to move them to the garage, wouldn’t she have just messaged them to ask if that was ok.

For those saying it isn’t a big deal, is that because she is a relative? Would it still be ok if it was a friend’s stuff that you were rummaging through?

She obviously took an interest in what she was sorting out rather than quickly moving them from different suitcases as she was asking the DH about certain items.