...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

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• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

I'm pretty sure you would have to be quite a lot heavier than 21 stone to break most ordinary furniture. I used to weigh that much (before I lost 10 stone) and I literally just used to go about my business like a completely normal person, never breaking any furniture.

This thread really doesn’t put overweight people in a good light - they’re not all bumbling fools who are unaware of their weight. I have a very overweight friend and I’m sure she would have the sense and self awareness not to sit on something she thought she could potentially break - as most of do, whatever our size - I wouldnt try and get comfortable on my toddlers flimsy plastic chair for example. I think if OPs friends would really potentially break these pieces of furniture they are either completely ignorant or stupid. I hope they don’t think this is normal.

OP can you get a couple of chairs particularly for them - either cheap so easy to replace, or particularly sturdy?

Then you can still invite them round often but without having to choose all the seating around their needs rather than your taste?

As my weight has increased as I am ill I noticed that the fold up chair I sat on in the kitchen was bending. I was afraid of falling so looked at buying another.
It meant a bit more money but now I have one safe for my weight which is 18 st. If I were bigger I would need an even more expensive chair.
You do have to think of these things.

I also chose a new garden bench by strength and the one I chose cost more but it can hold three people who are overweight if it needs to.
It has no arm rest nor a back and is made from a hardy resin.
In fact it looks really good, better than I expected. Maybe something like this would help?
I know it doesn't sound attractive but it looks ok and it holds up to 350kg......more than enough by over 200 kgs.

What nasty and judgey comments from some people on this thread.

I might be nasty and judge if people were ruining my furniture.

Just curious how you know so many seriously obese people? Is it one couple? Or a couple plus some others?
My in-laws are morbidly obese and I got rid of the dining chairs they loved, which were really chunky and wide, and replaced them with what I want - without a care. Their weight issue, their problem.

To be honest I would stop inviting them over and see them outside: coffe shops, restaurants, days out at museums, walks, short breaks staying at airbnbs etc.
You need to get your DP onboard, of he disagrees ask him if he is prepared to replace the furniture using his money (assuming not all of your money is pooled).

How do you know how much they all weigh? I have no idea how much anyone in my life weighs let alone 6 friends who aren't really mine but my dp's friends

I have a family member who is morbidly obese and we've had to make adjustments with our furniture as they cannot sit on anything.

I don't want them to feel bad but they've already broken two chairs, one step of our stairs and several toilet seats. Do we tell them? No. Do we make adjustments for them? Yes, because they're family. If i were you, I'd make those adjustments too as I'd be heartbroken if they broke anything sentimental or precious

I dont have any answers, but I completely sympathise OP.
My mother is morbidly obese and has broken or damaged many items of furniture, usually her own.
She has spent thousands on replacing furniture and struggles on a daily basis with her weight, she has several health issues solely caused by her excessive weight and I worry about her every single day. I phone her every single day to check she hasnt fallen over, because she does fall regularly and cannot get herself up again on her own.
I wish I could magic away her weight for her, but I cannot.
As far as furniture goes, I worry every time she sits down, but I just cant bring myself to say anything to her, so I just say nothing, and hope and pray my furniture can take it.

Do people really have furniture they store on the ceiling with a pulley?

The last time I bought a new sofa, I researched weight limits on many sofas from lots of different furniture stores and the highest weight limit that would be covered under the structural guarantee was 18 stones. My mother is well above 18 stones, so unless i specifically buy bariatric furniture, which i didnt like the appearance of, i have to just hope for the best.
I know i cannot afford another sofa or armchair if it breaks and neither can my mother.
It's not a great situation for either the furniture owner or the obese person to be in.

If you want to continue to invite them over then yes you'll have to buy reinforced furniture otherwise buy what you want and never have them in your home unless they lose weight.

I think there must have been something wrong with your sofa. I have many massive members of my family and a normal sofa is always absolutely fine for many, many years of sustained usage. They can bring their own dining chair if they don't like the arms on your and in terms of the shoe bench I'd just politely ask them not to sit on it as it is not going to suit them. Use blankets on the floor instead of an air bed or again, ask them to bring their own.

"I don't want them to feel bad but they've already broken two chairs, one step of our stairs and several toilet seats."

That's awful. Did they apologise and offer to pay to replace them?
Is this kind of thing covered by insurance?

I'm just about to buy new kitchen chairs and since my closest friend is quite heavy, I thought I'd check the weight limit of the chairs but couldn't find it anywhere on the website

I’d be really annoyed about this. However, you can’t let this dictate your life. These people must be ginormous if there’s a chance that your sofa could break though? Could you just ensure that everyone is spread out a bit when they come over so not all the weight is concentrated onto one piece of furniture.

What about a roll up futon mattress straight on the floor (without the wooden base) instead of an air bed?

What another poster said. They do know their weight is an issue, they’d definitely know they cracked the chair that time. They are just in denial and probably didn’t want to pay for the chair they ruined. They’re the rude ones, not the OP.

Just curious how you know so many seriously obese people

Yes, alarming that the OP knows more than one fat person. Surely they should all be in a special complex somewhere, eating donuts...

It's a tricky one. Have you been to any of their houses? Do you know what furniture they have?

Seating for six 20+ stone bums similtaneously is a tall order.
Perhaps get furniture that is in small groups (armchairs or 2 seater sofas) that only 1 will sit on at a time?

If you get sofas that are sprung rather than web suspension, they should be able to stand up to occasional heavy duty and
bariatric office chairs are easy to come by.
This place specialises in bariatric furniture, but it's not cheap. www.reinforcedbeds.co.uk/collections/sofas

For outdoors, have a look at adirondack chairs. Hugely comfortable without cushions, and because of their design, very strong.

For the sleeping issue, maybe consider memory foam mattresses that you can roll up when not in use? At least they won't explode!

You are obviously a kind person to have considered all of this, too

Amazed at how many people think OP is being mean and making up stories about broken furniture. My last lodger was a big bloke and managed to break the bed and the shower bar hanging off it for balance I think. Like most people, furniture is a major expense and I have only ever had one new sofa and dining set so they are pretty precious.

I'm morbidly obese, and I say honestly make choices of what you want in your home, its your home.
Generally as a big person you get a bit of an understanding of where you'll fit, and what will sustain you and what wont. It's sort of their responsibility to err on the side of caution and sit on the floor if uncertain a piece of furniture will hold them.

@Ginfordinner: as others have said: it's worn down over time so it'd get progressively worse. We tried moving them around different stools but then more of them would be broken easier rather than just one.

I was so proud of my table when I bought it as it was the first "big grown up" thing I bought (i.e. non IKEA/ cheap stuff) and was quite sad when the chair went.

They would offer if they broke something "directly" (like the step on the stair) but were extremely embarrassed by their weight and stopped coming round for a while because for a while, every time they were over with their children, they'd break something.

These people don’t have an obesity problem they have a rudeness problem. As one larger poster stated upthread “we know”. They know they are large, they just don’t care what they do to your belongings.
I’d bin them off, not because they are fat but because they are thoughtless.