...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

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• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

I understand your concerns op. My DM is a big lady and has broken my brothers sofa and my computer chair by 'dumping' herself down in seat rather than sitting down.

Regarding the car, just looked to see the max weight allowed for a 7 seater VW Touran and it's around 2,300kg! (We have one - they're not particularly large cars and the extra 2 seats pop up in the boot). That would easily hold 7 hefty people. I guess the car manufacturers are ahead of the sofa manufacturers on this one...)

@Phineyj are you sure that's not a weight of the car, rather than a limit😳
problem is with distribution of weight. If 150kg person sits regularly in one space the area suffers.

My friend is a size 36 and has a very normal house with very normal furniture. It's a non issue. Unless they are so morbidly obese the dont fit through the front door? In which case the them your bi fold doors are broken so they cant get in?

I'm currently 21stone. My top weight ever after 3 babies in close proximity and have just lost a stone and counting. This thread has made me thankful I do not socialise outside my own home and will definitely ensure I decline any invitations least I damage someone's furniture or their car. Somehow I have managed not to break my furniture or damage my cars and have not bought any reinforced furniture. I dont think even when I get hack to my normal size I will feel comfortable visiting people especially reading how worried some posters are from the minute their visitor arrives until they leave. Why invite your fat friend or family over then? You not doing them any favours.

Sorry but my last car was damaged by having two morbidly obese friends in the back. It was a tiny car and a long trip. I went over a bump in the road hidden by snow, the car went crunch, the damage cost me £500 and even though they said sorry I was left to foot the bill. I'm not going to be put in that position again.

You do have a point - my parents had to replace their dining room chairs to accommodate my aunt and uncle, change the sofa (the original
one broke when my uncle sat down - he was close to 28st at that time. we also always had a spare loo seat in the house as they often were broken (aunt and uncle had heavy duty furniture and special bathroom equipment at home, so were well aware of the issues that come with extreme bodyweight).

Yes, alarming that the OP knows more than one fat person. Surely they should all be in a special complex somewhere, eating donuts...

This is one of the weirdest questions I've come across.. OP, you buy the furniture that you like and want. You shouldn't have to factor in other people's suitability for using your furniture. I am sure they dont think about you when choosing theirs.

Well you shouldn’t have to factor this on but if you regularly host 20 stone plus guests then back in the real world you do have to. So op buys delicate furniture it’s gradually ruined by oversized guests she has to buy it again in 5 years time that’s hardly a solution is it

Why is it weird when the issue of not considering it results in furniture being broken and having to be replaced?

It's a tough one OP and I'm on the fence about it.

Whilst I'd like to think I'd buy what I wanted, the idea of carefully chosen furniture being broken by guests would grate on me.

Equally I think the suggestion of buying bean bags/camping chairs is ridiculous. You have to store them somewhere for a start and navigating explaining to guests why they should use these rather than your sofa/chairs is just cringeworthy.

I suppose I'm of a mindset that you can accommodate them in your home or not and overall, if they are good friends I'd probably look to source furniture that could carry the load as it were.

I'm not sure it's a good analogy but we have friends who have a dog that is a non negotiable member of the family. I'm allergic to dogs (and cats, rabbits etc) and being around them for a short time leaves my skin a red, raw bloody mess for weeks.

I came to the conclusion I can't accommodate their lifestyle choice to prioritise their dog over my health.

I'm then left pondering if it's any different to allowing someone else's life choices over weight to impact your lifestyle with regard to decor and finances...and I'm not certain it's not....

I'll don my steel pants and run for cover....

I had a new bed crack from excess weight. We were showing of a newly redecorated bedroom and 3 of us sat on the bed, me at 9st and two friends roughly 15st each. While we were sitting there was a cracking noise. Afterwards DH and I checked the bed and there was a long crack extending from a knot in the middle following the grains of the wood. It's never been mentioned to the friends and DH did a patch up by screwing a plate on the underside to reinforce it. It was just a single bed for use in a child's room so weight limits never occured to us. The matching bed has been no bother, but has less knots in the frame so is structurally better.

We had a set of heavily built tennants in a house for a year who were very heavy on wear and tear. Things like toilet seats needed replacing very quickly multiple times. We never had bother when it was our home, and the subsequent tennants have been low maintainence. Some people are more heavy handed than others and will put more force through objects/ furniture.

You should be able to choose the furniture that suits you, your lifestyle and budget. If you are struggling to find something that works for you and your friends visiting, then is it possible to socialise away from home instead?

You sound like a bit of a dick, tbh. Buy the furniture you want. The way your post reads, I'm sure you act the same way irl. I'm surprised these people want to have anything to do with you.

I think it is correct @SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated. I looked it up.

@Phineyj I did too. I don't want to rain on your parade but payload is according to VW own website about 600kg. 2400 is a max weight of car AND load.

That sounded rude! Sorry! Wasn't supposed to!

You sound like a lovely person How?

I dont think shes being mean. My sister has lubed with me for 4 years and is 22 stone. My sofa is collapsed where she sits (all the bloody time but thats a whole other thread) shes broken the toilet seat, cracked the garden storage bench etc. And tries to blame the kids jumping. Yes the kids that weigh 7 stone and are hardly there. But she suffersfrom depression and cries if her weight is mentioned

Omg not lubed. Lived. Lived with me. And i havent said a word about broken furniture but my oh has to me, and we're both looking forward to new stuff when she moves out!

first they broke the plastic chairs, then the brand new wooden swinging hammock seat and finally the wall.

Sorry, but A WALL?! A normal one built of bricks or stone that goes all the way down to the ground (and a bit below too)? The exact same kind of structure that the sides of your entire HOUSE (that weighs goodness knows how many tons) are made from?!

A lot of the damage is done when people flomp down hard (whether through laziness or health problems leading to weak legs) and then push in to the seat to gain purchase when rising from the chair.

I'm no physicist, but if a 21 stone person effectively just drops into a chair, that must represent much more than 21 stone of instant stress in real terms when velocity is taken into account too, mustn't it?

I know exactly what you mean op. My uncle is large. He smashed one of our dining chairs and cracked the supporting beam under our sofa. I have the whole family over for Christmas so obviously he'll be invited but yes I'm dreading it, we've just replaced our sofa and dining chairs and I'm wishing I picked a different sofa now because I think he'll break it and no I would never ask him to pay for the broken item.

Where are people getting the idea from that bean bags are appropriate for someone too heavy for a chair? Have you seen the mess when a bean bag splits?

I'm inclined to agree with a few PP - furniture that breaks that easily was probably rather flimsy in the first place. Cost is no guarantee of durability. And even at "only" 14 stone myself, I'd rather not buy flimsy furniture.