...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

-

• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

Aaah!

Thanks mammaries

I didn't realise.

There was a thread like this a while back, a few years ago. You could do a search OP and see what people said then?

This is actually a really interesting thread. It's been really good to read the direct experience of other posters who are/or are married to someone who is morbidly obese. Some people freely admit they do have to choose chairs carefully and others say they haven't had to change anything at all. I imagine it depends on your taste of furniture and if you have lived with obesity for many years, perhaps you don't realise that you are naturally choosing sturdier furniture.

Either way, I don't think OP is being goady. I think she happens to have many obese friends and as such, it isn't just once in a blue moon they come round. OP is being very considerate and does not wish to have to ask them to pay for damage or have them sit on the floor.

I don't have a solution OP, apart from don't have them round as much. It's sad but if they don't seem to want to offer to pay for damage then you don't have much choice.

I wish posters would stop frothing at the mouth.
The OP is not fat shaming. She wants practical solutions on how to deal with the problem.

This is what people said the last time, and on the thread about the fat people and the car.

Gets people frothing.

I'm surprised some people who say they're 100kg/16 stone plus and have never had to consider weight limits. We've bought different versions of things several times when we've seen that something has a 100kg weight limit, e.g. loft ladder, office chair etc. and OH is only a shade over 100kg.

The 100kg limit is usually the max it was tested to. So it may deal with 120 without a problem, but manufacturer can't guarantee it

I was also going to suggest buying mattress cubes. I don’t have one but am tempted for dds friends and sleepovers. You can get ones with 10 cm mattresses and stack them on each other if you need a couple.

As for the furniture, I’d be tempted to buy sturdy garden chairs and use them inside for these guests. Then get your dinky ones with arms, stack them in the corner when they arrive and supply the garden ones when you’re having them as guests. A bit of work, I know. But you get what you want.

Your sofa, unfortunately is a different ball game. Unless you want to buy a high spec brand like duresta, I think they’re not going to last well. I would therefore go for really comfy garden chairs with cushions to encourage everyone staying put at the table.

We have ils like this.
Mil, fil, and bil. It's not fair, if they don't break them you can see them buckling, we only buy good quality and our last suite cost thousands.
When all 3 sit on our settee my heart goes, as they must total 60 stone at least between them. Bil is the fattest, he's huge and weighs a ton.
Why do people get this fat, and they aren't ill, before people start about the fat shaming.

Fizzy op said she had no spare area for weight friendly furniture.

However I'm just thinking with your futon idea... That could be stored on the ceiling on a sort of pulley system, the frame and the mattress perhaps stored elsewhere?

Don't invite them round. Arrange to meet in a pub or cafe.

You should pick your own furniture. They have bigger worries

I think the pew suggestion is quite practical. Churches often get rid of them due to fire codes and need for more flexible seating, but they are tough. I'd trust my two antique oak carver chairs over an IKEA product any day. I'd just treat the air mattresses as disposable. You could have cushions made for the pews to tie in with the rest of your decor.

It's that or level up with your DH. If he wants to have his 6 giant friends round regularly, he can do the research.

Happy gold finch...

That's very poignant and true...

I also think it's fine to have fragile items you put away before large/accident prone/toddler visitors come.

Op another option is to get what you want but get it specially shored up, with steel brackets etc. Perhaps local handy man could help and adapt and strengthen other stuff..

Also stuff could be cleverly stored via ceiling.

Why do people get this fat, and they aren't ill, before people start about the fat shaming

The causes of obesity are many and complex. Perhaps go and read up. I’m sure there aren’t many people who think “I know, I’d love to weigh 20 stone with all the problems that involves!” Same as people dont purposely set out to become alcoholics or drug addicts.

I'm surprised some people who say they're 100kg/16 stone plus and have never had to consider weight limits. We've bought different versions of things several times when we've seen that something has a 100kg weight limit, e.g. loft ladder, office chair etc. and OH is only a shade over 100kg

As others have said that’s the weight they are tested to. It doesn’t mean they’re going to fall apart as soon as someone 16 stone 1 sits on them.

As a person of similar weight to those referenced in the OP I don’t think the OP has been goady or fat shaming at all.

What nasty and judgey comments from some people on this thread.

Why do people get this fat, and they aren't ill, before people start about the fat shaming

It's because they are ill

Says a fat person who fights the battle every day. I know where it came from, I know how to lose it, I wish people would realise it's just not that's simple.

I wouldn't be paying more or changing my choices for them.
I'd definitely be tempted to only meet them outside of the home.

A few years ago I went to a friend's bbq and two larger friends were there - first they broke the plastic chairs, then the brand new wooden swinging hammock seat and finally the wall. My friend was trying not to be visibly upset but she was gutted as the hammock was new and cost several hundred pounds (no payment was offered to replace it).
Needless to say, there were no more social bbq events as it cost my friend too much to deal with the aftermath.

I'm reminded of The Good Life, where Jerry is moaning to Margo about Mrs Dooms-Patterson "If she brought her own chair, I wouldn't mind..."

A few years ago I went to a friend's bbq and two larger friends were there - first they broke the plastic chairs, then the brand new wooden swinging hammock seat and finally the wall. My friend was trying not to be visibly upset but she was gutted as the hammock was new and cost several hundred pounds (no payment was offered to replace it).

That is awful. I know a few people with hammocks/seats suspended from ceilings and Od never sit on them. Obviously I don’t want to break other people’s things but equally I wouldn’t want the shame and embarrassment of doing so. And if I go somewhere with a wall hung loo I hover!

What’s a shoe bench?

Now did they brake the wall?

Did they realise it was their weight?

Your dh has 6 friends that visit and the lightest is 21 stone. Did his Uni have a sumo wrestling team?

And they all fit in his car for their annual lift

My friend was trying not to be visibly upset but she was gutted as the hammock was new and cost several hundred pounds (no payment was offered to replace it

I think I’d have gone ahead & been visibly upset. Surely if they broke the plastic chairs they should have had the sense to avoid the hammock?