To ask what things you'd do, if you weren't worried about being judged...

[stilltiredinthemorning]

I worry way too much about what other people (often strangers) think of me...

I am trying to work on this, but I think in reality it's probably a pretty fundamental part of my personality that I am unlikely to change.

There are probably quite a few things I would do/not do (mainly related to my children) if it wasn't for fear of being judged.

My top 3 are:

• Let my eldest (nearly 4) watch telly on a tablet in restaurants once she's finished her food, so I can enjoy mine.
• Potty trained later.
• Drive my daughter the 15 minute walk home from pre-school (to avoid the 25 million mini tantrums that mean it takes us at least 30 minutes)

What are yours?

I'd have an extra half hour in bed and go to work having showered, brushed teeth and hair, rather than spending time on make up and styling hair.

That's easy. I have a short haircut which takes minutes to dry. I've just had lash extensions for the first time - add a long lasting lipstick. Done.

If I wouldn't be judged, I would name the lipstick

@FourQuarters
Despise May be too strong but unfortunately, even amongst the very educated professionals I encounter this often plays out to a greater or lesser degree.

People are hardwired to worship, there’s often a ‘Queen Bee’ in any group & a shared ‘enemy’ brings others together.

FourQuarters that's EXACTLY it, and very eloquently put. I'm a 41 year old woman, I have several degrees, a professional career, a brilliant husband, children, friends and family, but I am (outside of my professional life) crippled with self-consciousness and fear of being judged. I have certainly got some positive things from MN, but yes it has basically confirmed all my worst fears about other people's judgement. Not to mention adding more things to the pile, things it wouldn't even have occurred to me to worry about before!

@stilltiredinthemorning, you sound like a successful and very lovely woman.

The small minded and less evolved will ALWAYS judge. The question is how do those that feel this honestly learn not to care?

Stop shaving my legs. Its such a bloody faff.
Tell people what I think of them.
Wash my hair less often, thats a faff as well.
Never iron my clothes. Another massive faff!

People are hardwired to worship, there’s often a ‘Queen Bee’ in any group & a shared ‘enemy’ brings others together.

I genuinely don't see it in my circles, which also consist of 'educated professionals', @TartanTexan.

To be honest, in my experience, if people are reasonably happy, and in a field of work they love and find absorbing I'm close to a well-known novelist and a rising opera director, just as examples it would be a bit ludicrous to start behaving like the Lord of the Flies at the school gate because you want to take down wannabe Alpha Mum Lindsay and end her domination of the PTA, wouldn't it? I mean, I think their eyes are set on different things.

@stilltired, that's pretty much what my friend thinks. It surprised me when she said it. As I said, she's tough-minded, intelligent, hugely successful, but Mn amplifies her inner critic in a way she finds disabling. She said it made her self-conscious about her autistic son's behaviour in the supermarket, or what her body looked like when she was running, or the fact she's let her hair go grey.

To be honest I have also observed that it is often those who profess not to care about the judgement of others that are the most judgemental themselves. Of course I'm sure this is not the case all of the time, but perhaps it is because they are generally just less bothered about other people's feelings across the board like most men

It is wrong to assume that your judgements don't hurt/affect other people. It is very unlikely that you keep them all to yourself. Even spouting them out on an anonymous forum, as exemplified above. Another example is a friend of mine who is always harping on about people working part-time and having cleaners. She apparently thinks it is a sign of laziness/weakness/having more money than sense. I assume she thinks it's fine to to say this to me as neither of us have cleaners. For ages I wanted to get a cleaner but feared that others felt the same as her! (Now I have one, but haven't dared tell her).

She is an intelligent otherwise nice person, so why she wastes her time getting cross and judgey about other people's housekeeping arrangements I have no idea, but I wish she'd kept it to herself!

I'd roller skate to the shops, and everywhere else.
My knees are too arthritic now but I wish I'd done it while I could.

@FourQuarters that‘s encouraging & you make a good point about personal fulfilment making this less likely.

To be clear I don’t mean a ‘ Lord of the Flies’ scenario, it’s much subtler than that.

arthur I would too and as I have a scooter listed above I would gladly lend it to you or indeed you may simply hold on tight and I’ll whoosh you along with me. Now that would be a sight !

God, so much!! Wear a onesie and no bra to work; wear not a scrap of make up ever (only wear the bare minimum I have to); fart whenever I wanted to...I'm sure there's more

@stilltiredinthemorning I also see this.

As we can’t change other people, genuinely, I think the answer is to lead your best life & not to care so much about others opinions.

Much easier said than done. How to do this?

Heron count me in.

Stop dying my hair!

Just go grey! But I can’t because I don’t want people to think I am old. Which I am.

Have casual sex

And take drugs - but impacts mental health and how I function so won’t but if it didn’t I would

Swear.
Suck my thumb.
Chew gum.
Have a nose piercing and die my hair silver

I've never given much of a fuck what people think of me, and now I'm in my mid-twenties, even less so. As far as I'm concerned, I am an adult woman with very few social Have Tos at this glorious point in my life. So, if I can't be bothered to do something, I don't bother. If I want to do something, I do it.

Sometimes I'll go out with a fully made up face, contouring lashes wig and basically the whole shebang. Last night I went out-out without a scrap of makeup, hair barely brushed, in whatever clothes kept me warm on a freezing night, and had a blast. Zero body image hangups. I regularly go to the shop with no bra on if I can't be bothered to wear one.

I've done/regularly do many of the things listed here. The sky did not collapse. What casual observers might think does not even cross my mind.

You wouldn’t worry so much about what people think of you , if you knew how seldom they did

My experience today is testament to that.

Went out for a spot of breakfast then some shopping. Realised two hours in I had worn obviously odd boots. Even after I realised, and was watching for reactions, I'm not sure anyone noticed.

Some of the responses on here have made me realise that perhaps people being judged is no bad thing.

I'm going to make more of an effort to be judgy in future.

Never wear a bra

minty love it !

Have a baby at 51

Start learning to surf

Ride a motorbike again (I have young kids)

Go to university full time to start an art degree

Live nomadically, give it all up and go travelling round the world with a tent and kayak

To be fair, I could probably accommodate some of those things if I won the lottery.

I'd call people out more on their behaviour and the things they say. Those people who tut or stare or are downright rude.

Tell people what I really think and be completely honest.

I think I was always not very bothered about what others thought of me, however having ME for years has re-inforced this. I simply do not have the energy to adhere to others norms when it comes to how I look or what I do.

I don't dye my hair anymore, wear what the hell I like and is comfy (joggers ftw), don't wear make up and don't attend useless social events.

Only thing I wish I could let go of was shaving my legs and underarms, I'm not brave enough yet to let that go. Maybe one day.