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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what things you'd do, if you weren't worried about being judged...

171 replies

stilltiredinthemorning · 09/11/2019 21:39

I worry way too much about what other people (often strangers) think of me...

I am trying to work on this, but I think in reality it's probably a pretty fundamental part of my personality that I am unlikely to change.

There are probably quite a few things I would do/not do (mainly related to my children) if it wasn't for fear of being judged.

My top 3 are:

  • Let my eldest (nearly 4) watch telly on a tablet in restaurants once she's finished her food, so I can enjoy mine.
  • Potty trained later.
  • Drive my daughter the 15 minute walk home from pre-school (to avoid the 25 million mini tantrums that mean it takes us at least 30 minutes)

What are yours?

OP posts:
superram · 10/11/2019 07:42

I won’t judge you for letting your kids watch a screen. I will ask you to turn it off unless they are wearing headphones. Don’t worry about being judged but don’t be selfish-nursery rhymes through phone speakers is tinny and really tucking annoying-don’t do it!!!

donttellmetwice · 10/11/2019 07:45

Shave off all my hair!

Beautiful3 · 10/11/2019 07:53

I would love to shave my hair and let my natural colour grow.

Frouby · 10/11/2019 08:00

I would definetly swear more. Love a good effing and jeffing.

I would wear either jogging bottoms or jodphurs all the time.

I would definetly smoke. I miss smoking.

But I pretty much don't give a fuck what most people think. I very rarely wear makeup. I usually smell of horse shit or chicken shit. I don't give much time to knobbers. I wfh so I don't have to speak to people. I only socialise with people I actually like and have no qualms about turning down invitations to places I don't want to go.

ChileConCarne · 10/11/2019 08:11

Shower less 🤷🏼‍♀️

dudsville · 10/11/2019 08:14

I've decided that my retirement "uniform" will be dope and loose clothing without underwear. I was a child in the 70s so I guess this was bound to happen.

WhatsWrongWithHun · 10/11/2019 08:17

Had one more child (I'm 38 and have 3DCs)

hobbler · 10/11/2019 08:25

I’d take another week off work sick following my dislocated kneecap which happened two weeks ago. It’s still swollen and very painful but I’m concerned of what my boss and colleagues think of me.

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 10/11/2019 08:29

Loads of people want to shave their heads! Do it, it's very liberating and great in summer. And women with shaved heads look wonderful.

I would be a stand up comedian - I just couldn't handle the heckling and judgement otherwise!

I'd also stop shaving, especially arm pits, and sing often and loudly in public.

Ragwort · 10/11/2019 08:30

I think as you get older you really care a lot less about what other people think of you, I dress for comfort, don't care about being overweight, don't bother with much make up, wouldn't dream of dyeing my hair or shaving my pubes Grin. As far as I can tell, most people I know and care about are the same (obviously don't know about the pubesGrin). I suppose if your friends are highly groomed and fashion conscious you want to be the same.
People either like me or they don't, as I seem to have a large circle of friends I assume people like me!

SimonJT · 10/11/2019 08:36

Drink non-alcoholic beer at work, I really like the taste so it would sometimes be a nice treat at lunch. I sometimes take some in an opaque drinks bottle.

Be able to hold my partners hand/stand less than three feet away from him in public.

Be myself more at work, sadly quite a few people in my team are particularly unpleasant.

orangeteal · 10/11/2019 08:48

I couldn't think of anything, I'm pretty much a do what I want kind of person. But then I read someone saying "fatter", yes if I genuinely didn't care what anyone else thought of me I'd definitely eat what I wanted all the time meaning I'd pack a couple extra stone Grin

ethelfleda · 10/11/2019 08:51

Pick my nose in public. It soothes me.

IamPickleRick · 10/11/2019 09:05

Actually I have thought of one.

Instead of muting all those useless boring WhatsApp groups im in, that I never contribute to anyway, I’d just leave them all as soon as they start.

Virtue signalling bastard is typing...
IamPickleRick left the group

TR888 · 10/11/2019 09:08

Ooohhh. I would definitively explore my sexual side to my heart's content and have sex with many gorgeous men. As someone else said, I'd be very happy to choose them and approach them first.

One can dream...

orangeteal · 10/11/2019 09:12

@IamPickleRick oh yes, and on that note I would delete certain people from Facebook without worrying about the "politics" and tell people when I think they're being boring on there Grin

HeronLanyon · 10/11/2019 09:19

If I knew all neighbours would love it or if I lived in the middle of goodsized field (5+ acres) I would blast music of all sorts and take headphones out of keyboard, play the drums and possibly install a pipe organ possibly
Cathedral sized (may need an uninhabited island now) Sick of headphones but never mAke nuisance noise as it drives me mad when others do.

Drogosnextwife · 10/11/2019 11:15

I would have 3 kids in a 2 bedroom house.

redexpat · 10/11/2019 11:28

Fart whenever I needed to. No more internal squeezing for me.

LagunaBubbles · 10/11/2019 11:44

I find it really sad that some people live their life with restrictions just based on a fear of what others think.

FourQuarters · 10/11/2019 11:57

I find it really sad that some people live their life with restrictions just based on a fear of what others think.

It's not that surprising, is it, though? Mumsnet is full of small-minded and viciously judgemental posts on the average Tuesday.

I'm very appreciative of the kindness and good advice on Mn, as well as the company it provides for large numbers of clearly very lonely/socially isolated women who use it, but I think that one of its most negative sides is that it demonstrates to anxious or self-conscious people that yes, some people are judging you -- your clothes, your house, your housekeeping, your BMI, your accent, your lawn, your relationship or lack of one, yyour children's public behaviour, diet, and educational achievement, or the fact that you don etc etc.

It gives an actual voice to the inner critic these people, usually women, suffer from to an unusual degree.

I have a friend who, despite being ridiculously successful in virtually every area of her life, says she avoids Mn despite having had excellent pregnancy advice on it previously, because it makes her anxious about being judged.

confusedmaybe · 10/11/2019 11:57

I'd probably swear even more
Tell people to fuck off to their faces instead of quietly seething
Kiss the man I have a massive crush on
Tell my constantly lying friend to stop ly8nh to me. I've tried to drop subtle hints, but not working. She just keeps brazenly adding details. It's annoying.
And wear what I want instead of always having to consider my environment

FourQuarters · 10/11/2019 11:57

'You don' should have read 'you don't have any'.

TartanTexan · 10/11/2019 12:08

@fourquarters

Everyone judges & people are tribal, in every group, especially groups of women, one is usually worshipped & one despised. Heroes & villains, the way society functions.

The key not to care, hard for the sensitive and for those who stand out from the majority and don’t have the same belief & value systems as critical mass.

FourQuarters · 10/11/2019 12:10

in every group, especially groups of women, one is usually worshipped & one despised

Not in my experience, other than women who haven't moved on from the primitive powerplay/ group dynamics of their mid-teens.