...to hold on to teenagers' phones when they are here for a sleepover

[dubmumof2]

Quick background - my teenage DC (15 & 13) are not and have never been allowed their phones overnight in their bedrooms for both sleep and safety reasons. They set their phones to charge downstairs before going up to bed. I have in the past had to charge a phone in my bedroom for a period when I discovered that a phone was being retrieved in secret when the house was gone to bed!

I've always had a similar rule for sleepovers - phones are handed over at 12 midnight or 12.30am and charged in my room (not downstairs from experience). Everyone is informed of where their phone is and told that if they want to talk to parents etc in the night that is fine - they can have their phone from me. I have lots of reasons - concern for what they may watch when I'm asleep, concern for the potential ideas that groups can spur on to film sleeping friends and post them (illegally!), know of middle of the night sorties to meet other groups having sleepovers arranged by phone. I feel I am in loco parentis and those are risks I'm not willing to take.

Had two new 13 year old friends last night for the first time. Group including regular sleepover attendees and new then considered this rule very unreasonable and I spent from 12.30am to 4.30am defending it, preventing numerous attempts to get the phones back by stealth or argument, and addressing charges that I wasn't allowed to keep them from their phones......

I didn't budge and am unlikely to revise the rule but AIBU? Do any of you have similar rules or am I an outlier here?

[habipprtyh]

church

You keep saying 'they wouldn't be welcome'

Let's face it, none of your kids friends are ever going to want to come over for tea let alone sleep over at your house.

[churchandstate]

Tbh if someone expected my child's life-saving medication to be in their cupboard out of the way she wouldn't be staying with you anyway.

Painkillers - which is what I said - aren’t life-saving meds’

[churchandstate]

habipprtyh

That’s up to them. It doesn’t change what I think is safe or appropriate.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@churchandstate
I’ve been thinking for a while that you may be a name change of a poster I’ve come across before. Now that you’ve said what you do, I am almost 100% sure you are. Same posting style.

[churchandstate]

Mummyoflittledragon

Okay. I can’t help that.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Your dds age also gave you away.

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

You do realise you are not in loco parentis just because you have a teenager in your house overnight?

[WendyMoiraAngelaDarling]

978 responses. Nearly filled up the thread. I bet you'll be relieved when it reaches a 1000 won't you church? And you can lower your defences. Give you a chance to go and do some lesson planning or something. I know how busy you teachers are

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Painkillers - which is what I said - aren’t life-saving meds’

Who would control the access? You?

[lyralalala]

church You said medication. Later clarifying between something like an epi-pen and painkillers

[churchandstate]

Mummyoflittledragon

You’re a bit odd, checking people’s posting history and investigating them, but crack on, it doesn’t bother me one bit.

[churchandstate]

You said medication. Later clarifying between something like an epi-pen and painkillers

Sorry I didn’t clarify this earlier for you.

[WendyMoiraAngelaDarling]

I think so too @Mummyoflittledragon. Very familiar posting style.

[churchandstate]

Who would control the access? You?

With a 15 year old I would expect them to be fully capable of going to the bathroom and taking their medication without anyone “controlling access”.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

No I’m not odd. You just have rather a specific combative style. I’m actually one of the posters, who doesn’t usually join the dots, which makes you very different from the norm. Some would actually call that odd.

[lyralalala]

Sorry I didn’t clarify this earlier for you.

Perhaps you shouldn't have taken such a tone at my reply for something that you hadn't said yet... Just a thought

[churchandstate]

Mummyoflittledragon

Okay. Again, it’s not upsetting to me in any way, but if it makes you feel good...

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling
Well it’s filling up nicely so she’ll be able to back to her dd.

[lyralalala]

Anyways I best get on. Have a house full of teens tonight

Never cursed a school roof so much in my life. Sunday sleepovers always seem more titing somehow

[churchandstate]

Perhaps you shouldn't have taken such a tone at my reply for something that you hadn't said yet... Just a thought

I thought I said codeine. Perhaps you didn’t read it right.

[StreetwiseHercules]

Nightmare thread for churchandstate now. Thoroughly dismantled at every turn.

[churchandstate]

Well it’s filling up nicely so she’ll be able to back to her dd.

Actually not, she’s not here.

[Lovemenorca]

I’d be very happy if i had teens that went to a sleepover and this was the rule

I wouldn’t do it myself though. I’d say phones to be charged directly outside room in the hallway

[WendyMoiraAngelaDarling]

Yes, I do wonder where the three year old is. Being ignored while Mummy rages at feckless parents on the Internet