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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maternity ward visitors

79 replies

Neednameinspiration · 09/11/2019 13:38

Gave birth yesterday and now on maternity ward. Had a difficult night last night with not a lot of sleep as struggled with some feeding issues. The woman in the next door bed has had a steady stream of visitors all day so far, sometimes as many as six or seven at a time! I assume these visits are all prescheduled as a new load turn up as soon as another are leaving, then have a really loud few minutes while they "change over". I'm desperate for a snooze and they are so loud and keep bumping into the curtain between the beds😣 . I get they are all very excited but it is impossible to rest and they are constantly using the shared en suite bathroom which is supposed to be for patients only. I also feel really uncomfortable delicately walking across the room in a hospital gown in front of a crowd. AIBU to speak to midwife?

OP posts:
AgnesNaismith · 09/11/2019 13:40

This is why women need more privacy in hospital before, during and after birth. It’s ridiculous we don’t Angry

ZoomingCockerel · 09/11/2019 13:40

I would - they might even move you to a private room if you make enough of a fuss. Ridiculous behaviour - wait for the bloody baby to go home before you descend en masse, for goodness sake.

Winterdaysarehere · 09/11/2019 13:41

Def complain. I was kept in when I had dd one NYE and the woman opposite had her family turn up with a pull along hamper and bottles of fizz!! And 8 relatives!!
I discharged myself.
You - and her - should be resting not hosting!!

Wherecanwegetoff123 · 09/11/2019 13:41

Yanbu. That is rediciolous. Do you have a partner friend or relative visiting who can have a word with a midwife for you?

priceofprogress · 09/11/2019 13:41

That’s awful. Can you have a word with a midwife to check what the visiting policy is? At our local postnatal ward they only allows two at a time and they’re incredibly strict, for which I’m very thankful.

If there’s no policy prohibiting it then I’d say they’re being unreasonable and rude and not taking into consideration anyone else’s needs, but at the same time there’s nothing you can do about it. So best to just try tune it out and focus on recovering to get out of there ASAP!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/11/2019 13:42

Tbh regardless of her visitors I don’t think a maternity ward is any place for rest- hence why I wanted to get the hell home.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 09/11/2019 13:54

I had that when DC1 was born in 91

I did complain, especially when they came to visit, KFC buckets too (I like KFC but there is a time and place) during lunchtime and what were supposed to be non visiting hours .
I got a private room , though it wasn't about the private room, it was my first DC, I had had an emergency C Section and wanted to go home but couldn't , 3 days I put up with it though . Left on day 7 from my room,

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/11/2019 14:02

Definitely complain. There's no need for that number of visitors, most people only spend a day or so. I can understand baby's father and grandparents, but surely everyone else can wait?

Original poster
Neednameinspiration · 09/11/2019 14:04

Just checked and hospital policy is 2 visitors - definitely in excess of that!

OP posts:
Starlet79 · 09/11/2019 14:06

So annoying. Most hospitals have visiting times? J believe that visitors other than partners should be limited to certain times and length of times. Nothing worse. Hope you manage to get some rest.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 09/11/2019 14:10

Our hospital has a policy of no more than 2 visitors at a time. But it depends if there are decent staff to enforce it. MIL tried to kick off at the receptionist for being told her, FIL and BIL couldn't come in together. Luckily DP told her it was for the comfort of other patients and not to be rude to the receptionist, one of them would have to wait. I didn't want them visiting after a traumatic delivery anyway! So DP took the baby to them for ten mins then brought her back for a feed. That may seem mean to some people but I'd never turn up unannounced and uninvited to someone who had just given birth.

Unfortunately women's privacy and dignity means nothing when it comes to labour and birth. Other mums would say "all your dignity goes in labour, you won't care anyway". Well I did care. I was induced, then told I couldn't possibly be having contractions that close together so quickly. I nearly gave birth on a shared ward. I remember being taken to a delivery room on the bed with people staring at me as I was pushed down the corridor, trying to cover myself (I was in a nightie). Thankfully DP requested the other midwife on the ward after the first one dismissed me and I got a kind one who did believe me so I was lucky.

Curtainly · 09/11/2019 14:11

Yes complain to the midwife, especially as there is a policy of 2 visitors.

PrayingandHoping · 09/11/2019 14:12

Is there a private room option? We had to pay but it was the only way I vaguely coped

I spotted one woman on the ward opposite and the midwives literally spent hours constantly going to her bed and sending visitors away to enforce the 2 visitor policy. They just didn't care. Very selfish

Sexnotgender · 09/11/2019 14:21

Definitely complain! It’s so inconsiderate.

Looneytune253 · 09/11/2019 14:24

I don't get the issue. It's during the day, people want to see the new baby. You would be very unreasonable to deny that opportunity for other people. Can you go for a little walk with baby if you want peace? Is there a day room.

Samosaurus · 09/11/2019 14:26

Please do complain! Women on maternity wards are treated so poorly. This was really highlighted to me when my husband had his appendix out seven months after I had had a c-section. The amount of pandering and attention he got from the medical staff was in such a contrast to my experience on the postnatal Ward! They were very strict with visiting hours on his ward too. Hope you make a quick recovery, and congratulations!

Suze1621 · 09/11/2019 14:27

My daughter in law's maternity unity had visitor fobs - one for partner and 2 for visitors. If both visitor find in use, no one else allowed in until someone left and was definitely enforced. Was a bit surprised to be honest but definitely prevented it's awful experience.

crazycatlady7 · 09/11/2019 14:28

I had 2 days on a ward and discharged myself in the end. My baby didn't settle in crib so I spent most of the night holding him awake so he didn't wake the others on the ward. I slept during the day when my husband was with me to hold baby.... the visitors to others were loud, children running about... I couldn't rest so just discharged myself. 2 weeks later at home we have support from my husband and I'm able to rest!

Starlight456 · 09/11/2019 14:28

We had visiting times on ward except partners and possibly siblings.

Yes get your partner to complain

Cornishmum00 · 09/11/2019 14:33

Complain, ours had a 2 visitor policy and i was very glad it was enforced

Autumntoowet · 09/11/2019 14:35

Ring that bell and complain
This stuff gives me the rage
Or the mums Skyping family and friends at 2 am in loud speaker
HomeBirth for me second time around

GrumpyHoonMain · 09/11/2019 14:37

Our hospital has a policy of 2 visitors to the post natal ward but they do waive this when the mum has had a traumatic birth. Have a word with the midwife and ask if you can purchase a private room.

Raphael34 · 09/11/2019 14:49

Definitely say something op. This is a pisstake

Danni91 · 09/11/2019 14:51

I think the really annoying part of our maternity ward was the 'curtains open' policy during the day.
The nurses kept comijgthen round and opening the curtains and had signs everywhere to keep curtains open during the day but it was infuriating to me as we also have a hospital that let's dads stay overnight too and I was trying to learn to do my first few precious feeds and wanted my curtains closed so I could sit however I fancied with my boobs out in private!

No issues with dads sleeping over nor do I care if man or woman see me breast feeding BUT at the very start of JUST having a baby it's all so precious and it was taking away from my moments with baby.

Honeybee85 · 09/11/2019 14:53

You have every right to complain.
The maternity ward and including all the facilities are for the comfort of and use by the patients and that includes you.

Whenever I read these posts I feel so happy I gave birth in a private hospital with my own room with a shower and toilet en-suite. It’s already hard enough being a brand new mum without strangers invading your privacy and causing you discomfort in a place where the focus should be on patients recovery and wellbeing.