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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Maternity ward visitors

79 replies

Neednameinspiration · 09/11/2019 13:38

Gave birth yesterday and now on maternity ward. Had a difficult night last night with not a lot of sleep as struggled with some feeding issues. The woman in the next door bed has had a steady stream of visitors all day so far, sometimes as many as six or seven at a time! I assume these visits are all prescheduled as a new load turn up as soon as another are leaving, then have a really loud few minutes while they "change over". I'm desperate for a snooze and they are so loud and keep bumping into the curtain between the beds😣 . I get they are all very excited but it is impossible to rest and they are constantly using the shared en suite bathroom which is supposed to be for patients only. I also feel really uncomfortable delicately walking across the room in a hospital gown in front of a crowd. AIBU to speak to midwife?

OP posts:
middlemuddle · 09/11/2019 16:40

I'm sure she's not there for fun, jg. I was in Monday-Weds because I had a 3rd degree tear and fainted twice the next day, so they had to run a blood test to check I didn't need a transfusion. This is the NHS, they don't like to keep you longer than necessary as they don't have the space.

middlemuddle · 09/11/2019 16:43

@Honeybee85 it's probably because of cases like in Ireland this year when a lady fell out of her bed with her newborn and she died. The baby was seriously injured from being underneath her but I think it survived.

Derbee · 09/11/2019 16:43

Definitely complain. And see if there is a private room available, even if you have to pay

Tistheseason17 · 09/11/2019 16:46

Complain - please.
I had a lady on the phone through the night and had to complain as I simply felt I may kill her if she did not shut up.

Some people have easier deliveries and the NHS is so stretched you end up with people less considerate around you, sometimes..

alolimadayi · 09/11/2019 16:55

Apart from anything else, and the comfort of new mums being clearly important too, to disregard visitor numbers is grossly irresponsible with regards to the risk of infection for vulnerable new babies. Far too many people. YANBU.

Starlight456 · 09/11/2019 17:01

Hoping you haven’t come back because you have complained and are getting some sleep

MegaBlock · 09/11/2019 17:11

Yanbu this sounds absolutely awful. At ours you are in a private room with en-suite from when you arrive from to when you leave. And it’s a really deprived area with a poor hospital so I’m really surprised these types of wards are the norm! I hope you get some sleep OP.

LolaSmiles · 09/11/2019 17:35

That's unacceptable OP.

I bet they're also annoying other ladies in the ward as well. Some people are really inconsiderate.

Definitely say something. It's not a community centre; it's a hospital and the priority should be on the patients, not every tom dick and Harry who wants to see the baby within 24 hours.

Viper84 · 09/11/2019 17:41

Congratulations on your new baby 😊

I completely agree, there should be limited times people other than partners/parents can visit. Why they can’t wait a day or 2 i have no idea! Even then it should be limited to 1/2 as there just isn’t the room.

Everyone of cause is different but I remember them first few hours and days feeling very vulnerable, trying to establish feeding, being responsible for a tiny human being, the changes to my body and the pure exhaustion!

If you can I would have a quiet word with the midwife or ask someone to do it on your behalf.
I hope you have a better night tonight xx

Neednameinspiration · 09/11/2019 17:47

So @starlight456 you are right! Managed to get a decent nap thankfully. Before I had a chance to do anything, heard the midwife having a quiet word with them about considering others on the ward. Seems to have worked thankfully.

Those asking why I didnt discharge or go for a walk? Just after an EMCS, was only at the just up and hobbling stage. So my options for escape are limited.

OP posts:
switswoo81 · 09/11/2019 17:53

@middlemuddle that baby died after. She fell in top of the poor little baby. That was in the hospital I gave birth in. They had very strict visiting hours. An hour in the morning and one and half in the evening. Partners allowed until 11. Was great to get the rest in the afternoon.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 09/11/2019 17:54

They keep the curtains open because at some hospitals women / kids have died because the mw hasn’t spotted something until their rounds this.

Basically more frequent checks would resolve it but the NHS would need to provide more staff and there's no chance of that is there. Not when it's only affecting the group of patients (women in labour or postpartum) who already get treated the worst out of any other patients. Especially if all it's doing is further reducing privacy, dignity and comfort.

Oysterbabe · 09/11/2019 17:56

Postnatal wards are hell. I had a woman next to me noisily facetiming her family at 3am. The woman opposite's husband snored liked a warthog. The nurses are so busy they don't seem to have time to police the behaviour of all these fuckers. I don't think I slept for a minute.

Booksandwine80 · 09/11/2019 18:44

@Looneytune253

When I was on the postnatal ward I couldn’t physically stand unaided so quite how I was going to “take baby for a little walk” is beyond me. I had the noisiest family in the next bed and got no peace whatsoever.

THEY are being unreasonable, not the op.Angry

happysunr1se · 09/11/2019 18:50

People are so inconsiderate!

I was in hospital for a month, two weeks on prenatal ward and 2 weeks on postnatal ward. It was the worst experience of my life.

I had preeclampsia and needed close monitoring so at night I had to go where the night shift senior staff were. I spent a few nights sleeping in a clinical side room off the theatre corridor and one night in the recovery room with women coming round from emergency cesareans. One woman had 6+ visitors who brought curry with them, it was after midnight and they were walking around on the phone, eating and loudly congratulating the new mum and dad, in the recovery room. The new mum was groaning and in pain, but the family were too busy enjoying themselves with the baby!

One of the worst things was that everytime I had to move bed at night I found my old bed had been given to someone else when I had to move back onto the ward again in the morning. I must've slept in practically every bed in the maternity department.

When one of the private rooms was free I got given that, but was turfed out several times for ladies who needed it more....my baby was born via caesarean at 30 weeks. Dd went to NICU and I stayed on postnatal ward for another 2 weeks, being shifted from bed to bed all the time. Roaming guests peering round the curtain, husbands snoring with their feet in my cubicle, spying on me expressing milk for my premature baby, having to track down the ward breast pump which was shared between 18+ women.

When I was discharged I still had to visit NICU until dd was discharged after a month and a half. Twice a day I had to pass the maternity department to get to nicu and I had an intense fear the staff would spot me in the shared corridor and drag me in to get my bp taken and admit me (I was still on bp meds). I seriously feel like I was close to losing my mind.

Worst experience of my life.

JasBBGG · 09/11/2019 18:55

Our hospital had a strict policy of 2 visitors and gave passes. Visitors until 8pm. How this then allowed a family of 5 to rock up and start serving curry from thermos flasks at 9pm I am unsure.

Mammylamb · 09/11/2019 18:59

I’d ban all visitors except the father of the babies. They can come in during the day only. So fucking undignified when you are at your most vulnerable

MulticolourMophead · 09/11/2019 19:02

Looneytune253

The OP is the patient here, it's not up to her to be considerate to the visitors, it's up to the visitors to be considerate of the patients on the ward, regardless of the new baby.

Pardonwhat · 09/11/2019 19:05

Yanbu.
I had a lady on the next bed from a certain societal travelling group and she had huge groups constantly. Children crawling under the curtain into my cubical. Nothing said.
I ended up discharging myself when I really should have been there after quite a few complications.
I wish I’d said something Flowers

Pardonwhat · 09/11/2019 19:06

Mammylamb

So single mothers who don’t see the father wouldn’t be allowed a visitor? Not even their mum?
Surely an allocated person would be a better idea.

Pussinboots25 · 09/11/2019 19:22

@theboxfamilytree where are you? our hospitals are not a disgrace (UK) if that’s where you’re referring to. Our hospitals are one of the best things about our country.

phoenixrosehere · 09/11/2019 19:28

Yanbu.

I had my youngest right before visiting hours. 12 hours of listening to visitors while being unable to move. Even with headphones on, it was loud. Baby slept through most of the noise (lucky little guy), unfortunately I couldn’t. Thankfully the epidural wore off and I was able to walk which wasn’t until about 9:30pm and requested the only private suite left which had its own loo. It was bloody bliss and if I have another, I would request it again ASAP.

Labour wards could be much better than they are. 7-8 women with babies in one long room with one shared loo is not exactly helpful for rest and recovery.

Userzzzzz · 09/11/2019 19:47

Looneytune253 I am
Shocked by your stance here. Are you really saying hoards of visitors are more important than the comfort of one of the actual patients? No woman should be made to feel uncomfortable by the presence of visitors. They should be the ones to decamp to the day room and not the patient.

‘ I don't get the issue. It's during the day, people want to see the new baby. You would be very unreasonable to deny that opportunity for other people. Can you go for a little walk with baby if you want peace? Is there a day room‘

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 09/11/2019 21:10

I agree with above poster I'd have postnatal wards as birth partners only unless you're in longer than 3 days. I think it would give new mothers protection from there own families aswell as from other peoples.

Mammylamb · 09/11/2019 21:42

@Pardonwhat you're right! I should have said birth partner or named person. It's not always going to be the baby's father