To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

[Canadalife]

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

Christ honestly. All the awful things that are happening in the world and you get pissed off being called love. He was clearly trying to be friendly. You sound like one of them people who love an argument

You need something else to worry about...seriously.

Go and do your own shopping; problem solved.

Things that I get worked up about; unequal pay for women; women not being taken seriously in the workplace; women giving up their careers only to be screwed over by their dh in the future; the fact that imposter syndrome is a female trait.

I do not get worked up by colloquial language.

They wouldn't get a man a pet name, why a woman he doesn't know?

Of course they would. It's common round my way to use pet names for men and woman, others on the thread have said similar.

I hate being called love by men, it feels sexist and patronising to me.

"Continuing to call a women love after her asking you to stop IS sexism."

I disagree. If someone tried to tell me to change my accent or dialect, I would find it very hard and also be extremely offended.

made me think of this

@Ilovethekitties If you'd bothered to read the thread, men do get called love, pet etc as well. It's a term of endearment.

I call most people love, even my love at times. But from now on its sugartits

I worry about how we will speak to each other in the future. At this rate we will all be speaking in robotic language with no sense of warmth or human feeling.

Oh for goodness sake!!! •Rolls eyes to Mars and back again•

Who gives the tiniest shite whether somebody calls you love?! He's got every right to use his own vocabulary which he uses day to day!

This has got to be the most pathetic thing I've ever read; not just on MN but on the entire internet 🤦🏼‍♀️

I hate being called ‘ love ‘ as well, but I wouldn’t have made such a fuss. You probably embarrassed him, and it’s a shitty job he’s got. Pick your battles.

Wow. I'd say you and the delivery driver are both a bit sensitive. Him calling you love isnt sexist and him saying its abuse that you repeatedly asked him not to call you that is OTT as well.

Don't use ASDA for the horrendous new contract they've forced on their workers not because someone called you love.

Perspective.

I couldn’t give a shit about people calling me ‘love’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘darling’ or anything else - so long as theIt intention is good. And it sounds like you’ve basically had a go at a nice delivery man trying to politely do his job. Some people are of a different generation, or have different education levels and aren’t as clued up on all this ‘woke’ stuff. I’d chill out and work on your self worth.

I am utterly cringing for you OP, and that poor driver, probably on a low wage and now feels like shit to boot, I agree with everything Whatsinaname has written, you felt superior to him and made it known.

I call lots of people love, male or female, I've got a broad Lancashire accent, it's just dialect. When we moved east, everyone was duck, that took a bit of getting used to 😅.
Can't understand anyone getting offended by it 🤷 I'd actually feel a bit offended to be criticised for it as it's a regional thing.

So you want to boycott a store because one of their drivers called you "love?"

Get a grip, love.

I am originally from Yorkshire, and call both men and women Love! It's not sexist. I really think you get out more, if this made you seriously belittled!!

U ok, hun love?

I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

What were you expecting him to do? Pull a chicken out of his arse?

Is it Cornwall or Devon where people say "All right my lover"?

If someone called you "My lover" would that offend you?

In my head , I use the term "CuntyChops" thankfully never out loud (yet)

Sounds like he was feeling hassled by the mistake they made in your order and being told not to use a (possibly common to him) term to call you by was just a bit more than he could handle so he threw a bit of a strop and stormed off. Not much you can do when someone is so close to the edge a normal request to not call you something is beyond them. Let Asia know their staff may too stressed and why, but don’t stop buying from them if you otherwise like them because of one incident by one member of staff.

“Love” is certainly not always a sexist term but it has been used as a patronizing put down for women parallel to its common use in some areas as a normal term for pretty much anyone. Because of that and because it’s particularly informal, customer service people should probably be trained in most places not to use it unless they have reason to think the customer is OK with it (because, for instance, they’ve used it first).

love isnt a sexist term.quite often its an old fashioned term of enndearment or mate.

Ah YABU.
Perhaps he should have called you “your Grace” or “your ladyship” and bowed a few times. Being a mere delivery driver and daring to address you as an equal was so very impertinent of him.
But you put him firmly in his place as your Social inferior. And now you want to call ASDA and have his job too...today’s equivalent of horse whipping a trader and then throwing him in a ditch outside the manor gates.

I don’t think he should be calling you love either. It’s dismissive and condescending when you are trying to raise an issue with level of service.

Sooo... did he let you keep the duck?

Not a bad result from your massive over reaction mate!

Part of the country you in?

I assume you live down south. I’m in Yorkshire and many people use the term love for both men and women, it’s just a pet name like cocker (as our elderly NDN calls us). Nothing to get worked up by at all, 100% not sexist or patronising.