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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

723 replies

Canadalife · 08/11/2019 19:38

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

OP posts:
Footle · 10/11/2019 21:56

@Preggosaurus9 , older men in Bristol call each other 'my lover' all the time. Even if they're straight.

MargotB7 · 10/11/2019 21:58

I don't get everyday sexism from any of the men in my life. I have a lovely Husband, Relatives and Colleagues who are male.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 10/11/2019 22:24

older men in Bristol call each other 'my lover' all the time

I like that Smile
although did anyone else automatically read that as "my loverrrr" in a Somerset accent?
Just me?
I'll get me coat lol

z0fl0ra · 10/11/2019 23:30

This is what 2019 has come to and what a shit show it is

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 10/11/2019 23:46

This is what 2019 has come to and what a shit show it is

Oookay...
Going on this alone, I'm fence sitting lol
Seeing as on the one hand I think inclusiveness is good, it's a fucking minefield as well Grin
Everyone wants to be welcome! We're all the same, all equal. Rightly.
What's the saying? You can't please all the people all of the time.
Calling women "Love" is perfectly acceptable and nice to a lot of women. (Yes, a lot of women don't like it either, we're not a hive mind)
Ladies and gentlemen being dismissed in theatres as a greeting as was mentioned earlier, at first I was like WTF?
On thinking a bit deeper though, does it really matter?!
I mean, it takes nothing away from me really.
Saying something like "hello everyone" just includes all.
Change is always hard to take I guess
(thinking aloud)

ssd · 11/11/2019 08:03

Well, come up to Glasgow. Cunt here is an affectionate term. Just don't call anyone 'hun' if you want to get out alive.

Antigon · 11/11/2019 08:13

Aren't the people telling OP 'calm down, love' proving OP's point that 'love' is not always a term of endearment and can be used to belittle someone, most often women?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 11/11/2019 09:03

Well, come up to Glasgow. Cunt here is an affectionate term. Just don't call anyone 'hun' if you want to get out alive

It's years since I lived in Glasgow but I do find myself muttering "Ya prick" in "Still Game" stylee (usually to other drivers who hopefully cannot lipread).

IamAporcupine · 11/11/2019 11:38

@Antigon - I don't think anyone is denying that 'love' can be used in a derogatory and patronising way - but not always. It depends on context and tone

Antigon · 11/11/2019 13:19

@IamAporcupine

Yes of course it depends on context and tone, that’s why I said ‘'love' is not always a term of endearment’.

However plenty of posters have said that he was just being nice so you saying ‘nobody is denying it’, is just plain wrong.

WhiskeyLullaby · 11/11/2019 16:26

Well, come up to Glasgow. Cunt here is an affectionate term. Just don't call anyone 'hun' if you want to get out alive.

Funnily enough, despite me mentioning that a lot of "love" posters protested to being called cunt. Affectionately of course.Grin

IVFNewbie · 11/11/2019 16:32

Curiously, 'duck' is a term of affection from where I come from.

Creepster · 11/11/2019 20:43

Terms of endearment are inappropriate in business transactions and situations.
I am guessing those excusing the behavior wouldn't be willing to risk their job by behaving that way.

Weevle84 · 11/11/2019 20:52

Oh you would have exploded if you endured the phonecall I had last with the bank in relation to my business. Everytime I provided information the person on the phone requested they said "Good girl" to me Grin

Pardonwhat · 11/11/2019 21:26

Creepster

He was dropping the OPs groceries off. Not negotiating brexit.

And willing to risk my job by being what? Personable?

Antigon · 11/11/2019 21:32

Accusing a customer of abusing you just because she asked not to be called ‘love’ is not being personable.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 11/11/2019 21:35

Her word against his.

The customer is not always right.
I've personally found that most companies stand by their employee.

Maybe with a bit of lip service to the complainer.

Pardonwhat · 11/11/2019 21:37

Antigon

It’s all in the tone. Which can, arguably, be debated for either side of the exchange.

Antigon · 11/11/2019 21:37

Well obviously we only have OP’s version, unless you can find the delivery driver and get him to post here 🙄

Pardonwhat · 11/11/2019 21:39

Antigon

Which is what I’ve just said.

Antigon · 11/11/2019 21:40

My last post was to Contraception.

Pardonwhat · 11/11/2019 21:41

Antigon

Yep. That makes more sense.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 12/11/2019 15:59

Everytime I provided information the person on the phone requested they said "Good girl" to me

ShockGrin

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