To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

[Canadalife]

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

He wasn't deliberately being sexist, and in my opinion it isn't sexist to call someone love.. and therefore I don't see any point in calling it out.
I speak to men saying "Hi love", children "Hi lovely" and women "Hi hon" it isn't sexist.. it's a colloquial term.

Would have been more fun if he'd called you Duck. 'Here's your duck, Duck'

Probably no need to have any kind of conversation with him though - ASDA generally substitute more expensive items if they don;t have what you ordered - it isn't dishonest to accept these items, they just want to keep your custom by sending you something close, so you did actually have something to make a roast dinner with.

Yabu.
I call my friends love.

Tell me...do you melt if you digest salt also?🧐 Totally joking. Just don't use Asda again if thats how you feel about their drivers.

I’m with you OP, I hate being called love, hen, pet, darling. It makes me want to vomit. And it’s not abusive to say please don’t call me love. He surely cannot be unaware that some people find those terms of endearment, especially from strangers, to be sexist or unpleasant? He could have called you by your name, which would have been on the order, or just not called you anything at all.

YABVVVVVVVVU!

I'm embarrassed for you. "Love" is just a word, a term used as a form of address. Often by older gentlemen or as a regional form of address. For goodness sake, get over yourself and stop seeing sexism where there is none.

I couldn’t get worked up tbh, if it was implied I was muddled because I was female I’d be angry. This though is just a really common pet name that acquired through habit, tbh it would also come across that you had an issue with your ‘lower class’ driver potentially. Teaching them, realistically it’s not upper class terminology is it...?

I think the OP and her husband were both being rude. There's nothing wrong with people using colloquialisms. We're not robots! And there's nothing wrong with love, darling, hon, hen or pet.
It's not sexism.

Jeez some people can't get through the day without being offended

This thread is a bit handmaideny. Of course it's sexist. Men don't call each other love.

OP doesn't have to put up with that if she doesn't like it!

It’s not sexist ffs. I live in the north. It’s normal here.

YADBU!! It’s just a term, whereas he felt abused by you.
You do realise, drivers deliver the goods don’t you? He didn’t schlep around picking your order. He didn’t have to look for it, could have just said, sorry not here!
Hi to the shop and pick one up tomorrow!

He could have called you 'duck'!!

And it’s not ‘handmaideny’ to disagree. Thousands of people use it as a term of endearment. Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t make it wrong.

I'm a woman, I call everyone love, do people really get enraged about this??

Patronised and belittled? Jesus! Because someone is friendly and uses an old fashioned phrase when trying to help you. Get over yourself!

Took DD to the garage tonight to pick up her car and the owner said “Have a good evening, girls”. Made my day. Prefer “love” or “darling” to the horrible “hen” we get here in Scotland but never offended by any of it..

There was a thread a while ago about a lady on a train being called 'love' while all the men were called 'sir' by the male member of staff. Context is everything.

In your scenario he sounds like he was just being friendly. In an old fashioned way. I don't think for one minute he was trying to patronise you.

I think the point is after she asked him not to call her love he kept on doing it. That's just bloody rude and even if you're the delivery driver, you represent a company in a customer facing role and shouldn't continue to do it when the customer asks you not to.

Some people don't like being called out on stuff (maybe it's sexist maybe not - was he calling the OP's husband "love"?) and the driver's reaction shows that.

But YABU to be using ASDA anyway, what with how they just shafted their staff.

Men do call everyone love, not just women. Esp in Yorkshire.
@thatthis well said, it's awfully elitist and classist of OP too.

Why did your husband have to reiterate what you'd already said for you? Does he think his voice carries more weight? And YABU, he was using a term of endearment. You embarrassed yourself. In a given day I'll use sweetheart, lovely, darling, pet, honey, my love etc

I live in Yorkshire, DH calls other men "love", it's very common here.

I can't get over 'we need something to roast on sunday' as if the driver is going to pop out to the butcher for you.

Refusing to use a major supermarket chain because of one drivers choice of word is cutting off your nose to spite your face, but that's up to you.

However im dying to know what the whole story about the duck/chicken mix up has to do with the problem?

Wow if the worse thing some one has called you is love you’ve led a very sheltered life

For me it's not so much that he called you 'love', which I couldn't get worked up about, it's the repeated accusation that you were 'abusing' him by asking him to stop. That's both wrong and inappropriate. I would definitely call customer services, but I wouldn't boycott the whole supermarket for that.