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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to wonder if you have sex if your older children are in the house...

143 replies

Funkyslippers · 08/11/2019 18:09

... And if you feel embarrassed as they must know what you're up to?

OH and I were going to dtd this afternoon so I quietly said we'd better do it now, he looked puzzled so DD1 who must have overheard said 'because my friend's coming over soon'. She knows what goes on when we go to our bedroom and never comments but I'd have been mortified at that age if my parents disappeared to their bedroom for you-know-what! How do others go about it?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 09/11/2019 12:56

We do sometimes have sex with older children in the house but only if they have a friend round

Oh and how old are the children?

Quite frankly I'd be appalled if I sent my DC to a friend's house and the parents were shagging in another room.

They wouldn't be going there again.

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 09/11/2019 15:08

Buttery not pointless whatsoever as I was asking how others get around it.

As I've already said countless times, we take the when we can, which I can assure you isn't very often, and does tend to be when we have an empty house. It's a natural part of a relationship, there is no announcing, or backpeddling on my part, there is no nudge nudge wink wink but sometimes, yes, it does take a bit of scheduling! I have a very open, honest relationship with DD1 and if she was grossed out by anything she would tell me. Of that I am confident

OP posts:

Novemberblu3s · 09/11/2019 15:10

we don't have day time romps anymore. Only at night once the kids are asleep (or doing god knows what in their room).

missyB1 · 09/11/2019 16:25

Love the way so many people assume their kids are asleep or couldn’t possibly hear them, how do you know? And wait till they are teenagers and going to bed after you! Are you going to stop having sex altogether then?

Ginger1982 · 09/11/2019 16:37

"We do sometimes have sex with older children in the house but only if they have a friend round"

Yuck!

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/11/2019 16:48

Love the way so many people assume their kids are asleep or couldn’t possibly hear them, how do you know?

But at nighttime it’s normal practice for everyone to be in their bedrooms so there’s nothing strange about it.

It’s very different to parents sneaking off to the bedroom in the middle of the day when the children know there’s only one reason why they want to go there....

JessicaRarebit · 09/11/2019 16:51

Older DC don’t live with us but on holidays when we were all in a house we did. We were just quiet. We didn’t slip off in the middle of the day though. I’d feel mightily uncomfortable if I were your dd. Can you not just have sex morning or evening when you’re in bed?

Cohle · 09/11/2019 17:09

I have a very open, honest relationship with DD1 and if she was grossed out by anything she would tell me. Of that I am confident

Yeah, slightly too open if she knows when you are your DH are going upstairs for a shag . The poor girl shouldn't have to verbalise to you that that makes her feel uncomfortable.

PollyShelby · 09/11/2019 17:17

I was 16 when I heard my parents shagging.

I'm very close, open and honest with my mum but I never told her how much it bothered me.

I'm not sure it's appropriate tbh that your DCs know you're off to have sex.

BuildBuildings · 09/11/2019 17:18

It is a normal part of a relationship to have sex but tbh I feel you should be shielding your dc from this. Even if they are old enough to know about sex. It's pretty grim for her to know you're popping off for a shag. I think mornings or evenings when you'd normally be in bed are 2hat most people do. Or if you can get time together when they are out.

Yeahnahyeah1 · 09/11/2019 18:44

Fuck me, this is gross. OP just stop digging

missyB1 · 09/11/2019 18:50

im very close open and honest with my mum but I never told her how much it bothered me

But why did it bother you? Yeah you were a teenager and the thought of parents having sex was unbelievable! But so what? Deep down you must have known your parents would have had sex! There was no need for you to be so “bothered”. And surely you aren’t still bothered now?

This is why sex is not a taboo subject in our house. I don’t want my kids thinking it’s something revolting or dirty that they or their parents must never do!

YouJustDoYou · 09/11/2019 18:52

But why did it bother you? Yeah you were a teenager and the thought of parents having sex was unbelievable! But so what? Deep down you must have known your parents would have had sex! There was no need for you to be so “bothered”. And surely you aren’t still bothered now?
This is why sex is not a taboo subject in our house. I don’t want my kids thinking it’s something revolting or dirty that they or their parents must never do!

ODFOD.

spice3 · 09/11/2019 19:03

Definitely not normal.

I could only ever do it knowing my DC are asleep and not due to wake up.

There's times we 'fool around' (never DTD) in a playful way (don't know how to word that better😂) when the DC are completely occupied in another room but never in a serious way and never for more than 30 seconds because I find it so uncomfortable knowing DC are up and about.

I find it completely inappropriate that your DC would ever be aware of what's going on and I can't imagine how uncomfortable she'd feel and WHY you don't feel awfully uncomfortable with it!

Africa2go · 09/11/2019 19:07

We do sometimes have sex with older children in the house but only if they have a friend round

^Oh and how old are the children?

Quite frankly I'd be appalled if I sent my DC to a friend's house and the parents were shagging in another room.

They wouldn't be going there again.^

^This. This is even worse than the OP's post. Having sex while someone else's child is in the house? Am lost for words.

OP I think you should take heed of 90% of the replies saying its really inappropriate.

Agree that its a natural part of a relationship. It is not natural to announce it in front of your DD and she comments back implying she wants you to be finished by the time her friends come round.

sanmiguel · 10/11/2019 08:40

It is very natural to have sex in a relationship. It is also natural to struggle to make time for it with work and kids. What isn't natural is telling the kids you're both nipping upstairs or worse, the scenario you described. This kind of shit can damage kids who need to know nothing of their parent's sex life. It's just grim.
Surely if you can't manage it when they're at school and it has to be when they're in the house, one of you goes for a shower and the other slips up later to fold laundry?! Why are you even talking about it and scheduling it in before your friend arrives like cleaning the kitchen?! So very odd.

BendyLikeBeckham · 15/11/2019 11:33

OP, you said in your first post that your DD knows what you are getting up to when you both go upstairs. Don't try and backtrack on that now.

fgs wait until you have the house to yourselves, everyone is in bed or book a cheap daytime hotel. Maybe your work schedules need to sync better.

UOkhun77 · 15/11/2019 11:59

Ewww

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