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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to wonder if you have sex if your older children are in the house...

143 replies

Funkyslippers · 08/11/2019 18:09

... And if you feel embarrassed as they must know what you're up to?

OH and I were going to dtd this afternoon so I quietly said we'd better do it now, he looked puzzled so DD1 who must have overheard said 'because my friend's coming over soon'. She knows what goes on when we go to our bedroom and never comments but I'd have been mortified at that age if my parents disappeared to their bedroom for you-know-what! How do others go about it?

OP posts:

Ruddywax · 09/11/2019 04:20

Don't you love it when the op misses the crucial bit... DD's age! 🙄

RainMinusBow · 09/11/2019 04:27

My fiancé and I are pretty "lucky" as we have time to ourselves as I share care of my boys (9 and 12) 50:50 with my ex. So we make the most of the child-free weeks!!

We had to change things slightly recently as we were ttc so of course every other week wasn't going to work really, but we were very lucky as I fell pg first month of trying (I'm almost 39). I'm now 10 weeks.

We haven't told the boys our news yet and won't for some time, but expect they will be like: "Ewwwww! So you had sex!!"

cloudatlaschapter2 · 09/11/2019 05:54

Is there a chance she didn't know? That she was just of the opinion that if you had something to do, anything to do, better to do it before her friend arrived?

Namechangerextraordinaire1 · 09/11/2019 07:23

I have had sex with my dd awake un the house before, she was completely oblivious to it and I couldn't enjoy it at all because I found it a major turn off thinking she might thunder uostairs at any second! So, we don't do that anymore.

We have sex when she's asleep, either at night or early in the morning. I also thought that was standard behaviour for all parents!

Sex is normal and natural, but aside from maybe gossiping with friends, who else do you really share it with?! Walking into the office in the morning "morning Jill, how are you?" "Brilliant thanks, had an amazing sex marathon last night. Tired, but worth it!!" Nobody else is aware of your sexual habits for a reason, why should your children be?!

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 09/11/2019 10:01

OK in my defence, we've popped to our room (loft room, only room on top floor) many times since the DDs were little. I do always say we're popping upstairs just so they know where we are - the last thing I want is for them to call for one of us! They are 10 and 16. These days, as I said, it tends to happen when they're at school due to our conflicting work schedules and I don't particularly like doing it when they're around but, honestly, they don't bat an eyelid. We are very discreet. DD1 may have thought we were talking about something else yesterday, yes.

I was just curious as to how others 'get around' it! But some responses make it sound like I've just murdered someone.

OP posts:

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/11/2019 10:09

The thought of two children being told by their parents they’re “popping upstairs” and the children knowing it’s for sex just makes me really uncomfortable.

You are basically informing your children you are going upstairs to have sex and it just seems very inappropriate. How incredibly uncomfortable for them to have to sit downstairs, knowing what you’re doing, and just waiting for you to reappear.

It’s grim.

Your sex kite should be your business - not the business of your children.

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 09/11/2019 10:18

Yes but if I didn't say something they would probably call for one of us or walk in!! As I said before, we try to do it when they're not around but sometimes if we did that, we wouldn't do it for weeks! And they are certainly not 'waiting around' for us at all, they just carry on with whatever they happen to be doing

OP posts:

Redwinestillfine · 09/11/2019 10:20

Just do it in the mornings or at night or when they are engrossed in the telly. I think it's the scheduling/ announcing it to your DH that I find odd, like it's a job 'we should get that curtain hung up now' . Whatever works though.

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/11/2019 10:23

Sorry OP but nothing you say is going to make this any less grim

formerbabe · 09/11/2019 10:32

What I'm really struggling to get my head around is why, because your dd had a friend coming round, you had to fit in a shag beforehand? Do you do that before all visitors?

Namechangerextraordinaire1 · 09/11/2019 10:33

@Funkyslippers I don't understand how telling them you're "going upstairs" would stop them from coming up anyway. You say they know what you're doing, but they can't have always done so, surely they have followed you up/wandered up mid poke sometimes?!

I still stand by it being pretty gross, I'm not a prude but there's some things kids don't need to know about and this falls firmly in that category

AnyFucker · 09/11/2019 10:42

The backpedalling didn't make it sound any better

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/11/2019 10:42

What I'm really struggling to get my head around is why, because your dd had a friend coming round, you had to fit in a shag beforehand? Do you do that before all visitors?

I bet there’s a lot of shagging going on around Christmas and Birthdays

habipprtyh · 09/11/2019 10:43

Yes we do. We don't announce it though

Cohle · 09/11/2019 10:58

The idea of announcing to my teenagers that their father and I are just "ahem, popping upstairs, wink wink", horrifies me and is about as far from discreet as humanly possible.

There are plenty of opportunities to have sex without scarring my children.

DragonMamma · 09/11/2019 12:11

I think announcing you’re popping upstairs is basically telling them you’re off for a shag. I’d be horrified as a teenager to know that.

If you have to go a few weeks without sex to not traumatise your kids, then bloody well do it.

GreekOddess · 09/11/2019 12:14

Just awful.

YouJustDoYou · 09/11/2019 12:21

Just do it in the mornings or at night or when they are engrossed in the telly

Op said she works nights.

Pinkblueberry · 09/11/2019 12:26

That’s really weird - just have sex at night when you’re kids are in their rooms/asleep as if you both head upstairs for a quickie in the middle of the day while everyone is aware what you’re up to, that’s a bit strange I think.

Pinkblueberry · 09/11/2019 12:27

Yes but if I didn't say something they would probably call for one of us or walk in!!

Then get a lock and go upstairs without announcing what you’re doing at least

MotheringShites · 09/11/2019 12:30

The only reason they wouldn’t come up or shout for you is because they know exactly what you’re doing.

DebbieBarry · 09/11/2019 12:30

We do sometimes have sex with older children in the house but only if they have a friend round and are absorbed in a video game or film. We would never announce it although we might say “we’re going to watch a film”. We have a tv in our room. We will actually put a film on. And be quiet. And lock the door. We save louder sex for when there are no children around at all. We have a fairly big house, which helps.

I agree that letting children know is not appropriate. But I also think sone of these responses are a bit unreasonable, it’s not odd for couples to want sex during the day. It is odd to share that information with kids though, they really don’t need to or want to know.

Butterymuffin · 09/11/2019 12:47

We are very discreet.

You think? You also think you're whispering so quietly that your kids won't hear what you say. Which they do.

DD1 may have thought we were talking about something else yesterday, yes.

This doesn't make any sense . Like what? Your post is pointless if she thought you were referring to getting the laundry done or whatever.

PavlovaFaith · 09/11/2019 12:49

Grimmmmm

formerbabe · 09/11/2019 12:52

We do sometimes have sex with older children in the house but only if they have a friend round

Even worse.

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