To get the absolute RAGE at posters who say 'DH says'

[Grobagsforever]

Reading a thread about whether poster is being unreasonable about petrol costs. Someone comes along 'DH has worked out the cost and it is...'

This happens ALL THE TIME on Mumsnet. They post as if DH is some kind of oracle. ON ANY ISSUE. They never explain why DH has superior knowledge e.g this DH can multiply 45 pence per mile by 300 better than anyone else..

Not TAT that is just an example

DH says YABU.

Lol

Well the posters who are upsetting you may BU keep deferring back to their husbands but you are being seriously unreasonable getting so worked up about it. Deep breath! Chill (as DH would say!)

In some households (not saying every, and not saying it's right) the male likes to have final say so.

Some women have been brought up to follow male directives and its unfair to stigmatise them because of their upbringing.

Not everyone has been brought up the same way.

I just assume its the DH posting.

Well my DH says loads of things, and is occasionally incorrect 😂

I hate when selling something on facebook or gumtree and the potential buyer says "I'll just ask hubby" or something along those lines. Pfffft.

Why would you even ask your DH.
Just work it out for yourself FFS.
@Grobagsforever YANBU
It’s always irritated me too! 🖕🏻

It depends on the OP.

I think it's reasonable to ask a DH if the OP is specifically asking about what 'a man' would think about something or why 'a man' might do something.

Also, if it's a technical question and the DH happens to be an expert but the poster isn't - e.g. 'What canoe should I buy?' 'DH who is a canoeing instructor recommends X' - that's reasonable.

If it's a random issue where there's no reason for the DH to be any more knowledgable than the Mnetter, it's pointless - let him open his own account if he wants to opine on all and sundry.

Someone might just have easily had their mum with them doing a quick calculation. I dont think there was necessarily a suggestion that women couldn't do basic arithmetic. Life's too short to be raging about something like this imo.

Yanbu

Sadly i know too women who seem to need to inform others it’s also their DH/DP’s opinion as if that makes it beyond being questioned

If I wanted their opinion or cared I would ask

I don't think it necessarily means the poster is deferring to their DH. It depends on the context. Eg I was reading the thread about WiFi and one poster referred to what her DH said as he was a Sky engineer. There are also often threads where the poster is laughing about something ridiculous their DH has said.

Yanbu. I recently put it as one of my pet hates on a thread regarding things that annoy you on MN.

'I've just shownndh this thread and he thinks xyz'

Couldn't give less of a fuck mate 🤷

I read this thread to my DH and he said you're probably single, lol

My DH is always dying to know 'what MN thinks about x' so it would be nice if you would return the favour. Bless him he loves this pit of vipers.

I do this because I do have absolute faith in the things that my DP days. He does the same about me. I think it’s nice.

I don’t say it all the time on mumsnet, but we both do it in real life.

Scapegoat OP. Easier on some threads as you’re likely to get aimed and fired at these days. I was told off on a thread the other day for having an opinion which came across as stating a fact apparently. Ffs piss off, it’s a forum, we’re asked what we think and we tell... I understand why you’d think it’s fucking immature though, may as well say “I’ll ask my daddy...”

Ha ha
DH says he knows way more than you OP.

If I had a DH. But I don’t because he’s an asshole!

Feel better now.

I have done this, simply because someone has posted "AIBU re petrol costs" for example, and I have thought about it, and then wondered allowed to my DP (who is the person I'm most likely to be with) who has responded and I have then quoted him. I don't know why you are assuming that quoting a DP means that a poster is claiming that their word is infallible. This isn't about women deferring to their DHs, it's just conversational norm; adding someone else's opinion to the mix. Does it annoy you when people put "This happened to my friend and she was fine/died?"; we get lots of that here too. If you want to get the rage about mansplaining, there are better examples.

Surely it depends, 3 years ago my DP didn't drive so him asking me was a simple solution, now we don't have a car so me asking him about bus prices is a shit lot simplier than trying to figure out the website

I've posted an opinion of my husband's not because I think he knows better or I always defer to him. I thought it would be genuinely useful to the OP to get another perspective. If he or she is posting on an online forum to seek opinions what difference does it make where the opinions come from? Would it make you feel better if the husband made an account and posted himself?

Haha! I’ve just done this tonight. To be fair, I don’t think I’ve ever done it before in 11 years here, but it happened to be a topic in his area of expertise.

I wouldn’t dream of just chipping in with his view on chopped liver .

My DH is a lot more knowledgeable about some things than I am, because he has a different profession and some different interests. So in a thread where any of those things were under discussion I would quite possibly write "DH says....."

I am not lacking in self confidence or brow beaten by my husband in the slightest, but I fully acknowledge that there are quite a lot of things he is better at than me.
However, I know my DH does the same thing in reverse if the topic under discussion is one of my areas of expertise/interest. In fact as my profession comes into general conversation far more often than his does I am sure he has quoted me online many more times than I have him. He acknowledges that there are quite a lot of things that I am better at than him.
Yes, it is weird and rather concerning if someone consistently defers to their partner on all topics, but I don't think that is very common is it?

It is annoying when people keep saying, "My husband says..." (& I knew a mature age-wise friend who used to say, "My dad says...."), but sometimes it's relevant if a poster and her husband have discussed the issue in some depth. Not all the time though.

Gives me the rage too Op, if it's in the context of "I just read this thread out to DH and he says....". Like we'll all be so glad for someone's man to wade in and tell us all his opinion.
Totally fine if it's relevant, like "oh DH is a plumber/surveyor/whatever, I'll ask him", then it's helpful in response to a direct question.

Well it depends what you're asking. My DH is pretty good with cars so when - for example - my friend's car was being a twat the other day we called him - I have also done the same for a male colleague at work who didn't know anything about cars.

Women who are asking about fuel costs may not drive or claim mileage but their DH does so they wouldn't have a clue how far petrol goes or that you can claim 45p/m - I bet my DH doesn't know that.

Anything animal related i.e. can they have this/first aid and then it's me that is contacted in the family.

Also most people on MN are probably sitting at home on it or in the car and the person that could most likely be there with them is their partner.

I kind of get where you are coming from - I do or have known women who can't do anything without their DH's say so - or who can't put fuel in the car without them etc but I think you're probably reading to much into it on here so YABU.