To get the absolute RAGE at posters who say 'DH says'

[Grobagsforever]

Reading a thread about whether poster is being unreasonable about petrol costs. Someone comes along 'DH has worked out the cost and it is...'

This happens ALL THE TIME on Mumsnet. They post as if DH is some kind of oracle. ON ANY ISSUE. They never explain why DH has superior knowledge e.g this DH can multiply 45 pence per mile by 300 better than anyone else..

Not TAT that is just an example

It really depends. I remember on a love island thread, a couple of years ago, someone said that 'all men would find X attractive'

I pointed out that my dad wouldnt. Mainly because he would find their out going personality. He is very quiet and hates attention being drawn to him. That poster said my dad was was irrelevant. Except he was because the comment was that all men would find them attractive.

Also, some women who do comment that their dp says xyz, may not be because they defer to them, but because they know that area. I had a thread about a year ago about how to work out company car tax.

Lots of women posted helpful links. A woman then posted that she asked her husband. It was relevant because he had massively reduced the tax he pays so she asked him what he did. Turns out he got a hybrid. So she recommended that. Her thought process was that someone was asking about car tax and she knows someone who reduces theirs. Doesnt matter if that person was a man or woman. She thought she could help. Doesnt mean that she defers to him all the time.

It can be relevant. Though, sometimes it's not.

I would be embarrassed to ask my “hubby”. Mumsnet is my guilty little secret, I would rather he thought I was playing candy crush. (Not really)

OP it.s not nearly as rage inducing as women who ASK their Husbands if they can go out for an evening, i know way too many women who do that

Maybe they are just giving another person's opinion to support their own. Another person that, presumably, they know well and has some similar current life experiences.

“ I just assume its the DH posting.”

Oh...that makes much more sense. I thought it was odd too.

I think deferring to a DH's opinion is very unMumsnetty.

Quoting (and attributing) an expert view to someone with relevant expertise is usually OK though. Whether that person is your DC, parent, sibling or DP, or someone else close.

Though there's usually a MNetter with that expertise too, and they'll often turn up on the thread anyhow.

I really hope no one is just expecting a male view to carry more weight, simply because it emanates from a male. It seems pretty unlikely on a site such as this

YABU @Grobagsforever I don’t drive and have no interest in fuel costs. It’s not me referring to my DH, it’s just that he’s the only one who keeps an eye on the petrol expenditure.

*deferring

Oh my goddess yes. I had to walk away from a discussion on here re binary when I said in maths you don't need 15 digits, but someone's husband said you did and he worked with computers.

I tried to explain but know, "My husband knows"

Ah the usual all men are shite post.

Ah the usual all men are shite post

Ah the usual wilful misunderstanding post.

YANBU OP. It makes me cringe for the posters who do it. Poor saps.

I bet you hate men posting as well OP because it’s kind of the same thing, a mans opinion. Surely if you post something you’d want as many opinions as possible. Why is a mans so bad, I wonder

No, I am sure it is fine for a man to post his own opinion, all by himself. Why do some women post it for them though? Why don’t they just post their own opinion? Weird huh?

I'm with you OP. Unless it's an advice where the DH has specific experience (and by that I mean is an actual medical doctor on a thread regarding medical care and not someone with a penchant for episodes of casualty) then why would anyone care?!

@Focyt it's not the men's opinion that is problematic. It's the deference to a men's opinion that is infuriating.

If as a poster your DH tells you something and you agree, surely that becomes your opinion - that's how we learn. Eg I know 3x3 is 9 because Miss. Jones told me that in first year. If I'm asked what 3x3 is I do t answer "Miss jones says it's 9". It's become my knowledge.

In declaring an opinion or knowledge is your DHs you're elevating the status of a mans opinion over not just your own but every women on the thread. It's weirdly deferential.

And I don't mind men posting on MN, but I do mind them coming on with a cheery "man posting here!" Like I give a fuck!

Totally fine if it's relevant, like "oh DH is a plumber/surveyor/whatever, I'll ask him"

But then, having asked him, you have to keep his response to yourself?

And I don't mind men posting on MN, but I do mind them coming on with a cheery "man posting here!" Like I give a fuck!

To be fair though, I have seen men accused of trying to mislead posters, if they havent been clear that they are men.

I can’t get too excited about this as DH is far smarter than me so he is much more likely to be correct.

@SuperMeerkat then why engage with the thread?

We ask our dh’s opinion because we’re conditioned ? Ha!
I ask my dh stuff because I value his opinion and in some stuff he does know considerably more than me just as in other things he classes me as the font of all knowledge

Mine doesn't often get much of a say, but if it's something he knows more about than me, he gets the credit for it every time.

I'd credit the DTwatCat if he had something helpful to say.

"Ah the usual all men are shite post"

Not unless you are assuming that the Opening Post is criticism of gay men only, as hey would be the only men who would be writing 'DH says'

@Focyt - nope no issue with men posting. It's the tone of the posts 'well DH says' as if that confers some kind additional gravitas. You get it in real life too.

No issue with DHs or anyone being quoted who has genuine expertise in the areas. Ironically my DP is a petrol head and could probably have calculated the petrol posters exact costs from knowing the make of the car but he was 'doing his hobby' last night so we all had to cope without his manly expertise on that one

@PegasusReturns - you put it better than me, thank you

YeH, and I'm sick of people saying they get the "rage" dramatic much?????