Is it tight and weird to only buy for dcs at Xmas?

[Cakeyhead]

We have three teenage dcs. Christmas is going to be tight this year. Oldest dc is at uni and we've had to supplement his loan, youngest dc has moved to private school (SEN). Just had to pay a huge car breakdown bill. So we aren't on the breadline which makes this decision harder, but for the next few years money is going to be really really tight.

Every year I put 10 in a card for my brothers who are both over 30, unmarried, no kids. Give my dsis a gift card (25) and buy my parents things from m and s with a gift receipt so they can return. My mum is really fussy and used to make a huge drama if people bought her things that she thought were 'weird', hence the reciept. Ususally spend about 50 or 60 on parents.I have one niece who I like to spend about 30 on.

One year I suggested buying for kids only, but my siblings got arsey because they have one dc between them (my niece) and I have 3. My parents also thought I was mean for not putting the 10 in the card for my brothers.

My mum always buys me something like a cheap toilertry set that i don't want or need, and gives the dds £10 each, which I do think is a bit tight but they dont have much money either.

I had an awful childhood although ive moved on from that now but i barely see my parents so the whole thing seems hollow. They refuse to travel to see us (we're near Birmingham they are just east of London).

My dsis is an alcoholic which she's trying to cope with but this year she's sent me some really quite nasty texts which have upset me so my contact with her is minimal. I'd love to spend a bit more on her dd, my niece. Last year dsis was so drunk and skint she didnt get my dds anything which was fine, she was in a bad place. However she did say to them she'd get them something in the new year and just never did despite getting herself botox.

Sorry this is long and rambling.

Dh says just be firm and say kids only.

Wwyd and aibu?

Why is it 'only buying for kids' fans always have a litter of their own DC with eager smiling faces?

OP, you can't pull that line when you have a lot of DC and a lot of childless aunts & uncles who are all obliged to buy for them. Of course they're obliged - no amount of faux-naif posturing from you will cut it.

You'll look shamefully greedy. As ways to save money go, it's really not worth the PR fail.

Just tell them in plenty of time ... "Sorry no gifts from us this year except for niece. Entirely up to you who you buy for. Please don't get anything for me and dh and we won't be offended if you don't get anything for the children either".

So we do kids only, unless you are childless. Therefore, as I was the last to have children, we (DH and I) received gifts from siblings & parents. Once kids came along, we all did kids only. Then we do Secret Santa for the adults in my family. DH's family live in another country so he sorts their bits. DH and I buy for each other. We buy for my mum too otherwise she would be buying for everyone and receiving nothing. My DF died several years ago but I bought for him when he was alive.

Cut it right back OP, my list is now minimal and I wish I'd done it years ago. Even for my own kids, I only buy what I can afford, I really don't push the boat out. Me and my O/H don't buy each other anything either. It doesn't stop us having a good time though, try it, I don't think you'll look back.

If you can afford it and they buy for you and your kids I'd say it was extremely tight.

I'm actually on the breadline (just went round my parents asking for loo roll and a load of bread) since Ex walked out and left me in a load of debt and is pulling all the scams to not have to pay child support - apparently he's been off sick too much to earn enough. Hmmm.

Anyway my kids are getting a pre-loved piano, and a pre-loved bike from Ebay or Gumtree, obviously I'll be checking them out before buying - and preloved from charity shops, jigsaws, books, games. Some of this stuff looks brand new. I also don't have a christmas tree or decorations so they need to come out of the budget too.

My parents said they don't expect anything but I'm getting them a meal out voucher because they help a hell of a lot with me and the kids. Then after that I'll probably be down to pence in my account.

My DSis decided on a kids only rule for our family - she has 2 DDs and a DSS while I have 1!

LOAF of bread not a LOAD ha. They gave me one small frozen loaf which I was very greatful for

If you didn't spend £50 on your niece before, don't do it now!

If you are/were happy enough to receive the presents then you should equally give them presents back. It's cheeky to expect a one way street. The price or acceptability of the gift should be tried to be equal where financially possible. I don't read anywhere that you asked them not to give your kids presents, but you do ask that you don't give them presents. Their financial situation doesn't come in to it regarding gift giving.

I mean this kindly but your Xmas sounds on the inexpensive side anyway! £30 on siblings and £100 on parents. If I could get my Xmas shopping done (excluding my kids and DH) for £130 I’d be very happy, but if it’s too much then maybe suggest secret Santa with a £10 price limit? And then just buy for the kids. I’m assuming you will spend more than 130 on your kids and DH that’s where the added expense comes from?

I would just suggest stopping all present giving perhaps with a separate arrangement with your sister that you will buy your niece a present and she buy your DC a little something.

It’s one thing doing the Christmas present thing with family who you do like and see but with family who aren’t bothered about doing other family things it’s ludicrous to buy presents.

You were on thin ice though, suggesting presents only for DCs when that would mean that your family unit would receive three gifts from every other family member and apart from your niece nobody else would get anything at all. I would definitely be at that!

I would just have a small Xmas at home it’s just your DH and 3dcs.
Just buy for your Immediate family and see the rest in the new year. ( if you want to)

I don't think there is really a right or wrong answer for this.
depends on how you feel about it all.

I love Christmas and I enjoy buying presents.

On the arguments of some I could stop buying for my sisters as they are over 40 and financially well off.

but I love buying for my sisters as much (more than !) buying for kids
Buying for my sisters is a nice morning out to John Lewis, looking at lovely things ,might do it on Saturday !

But if you don't want to don't do it !

Kids only is fine...if everyone has kids.

If that isn’t the case, you’re telling them that you won’t be getting them anything but that they still have to buy for your kids. Complete CF territory!

Your reasons for not being close with family or wanting to spend money on them are a totally separate issue. If you don’t want to buy them presents then agree a no presents rule, not a kids only rule which only goes one way (yours).

I don't have kids. I buy for sibling's kids - happily - without expecting anything in return. It got to the stage where we were buying for the sake of it, and once people are adult (or at least earning their own money!) it's time to stop. Much less stress all round

This. We do have children now, but before we got around to it, we always bought stuff for the children and really didn't give two hoots about getting gifts back.

I'm slightly surprised that so many adults without children are apparently offended that they won't 'get a gift back' if they buy for other people's children. Back when we were in that situation, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to think how unfair it all was. KIds love getting gifts at Christmas, and adults know that affection and feelings etc. isn't measured in M&S gift sets.

Having a gift appreciated and receiving a nice Christmas card is just fine, in my view. I wouldn't want someone to spend money on a gift just to 'balance the books.'

Ridiculous to be giving two 30 year old blokes a tenner in a card.

I would just stick to your guns and announce you're only buying gifts for your own children and stuff what everyone else thinks. Say you've decided to do your bit for the environment by refusing to support the buying of plastic tat at Xmas. I wouldn't give a gift to the niece either, just do your own kids and people will soon get used to this new tradition.

Otherwise you'll end up still having to stick a tenner in a card for her in 20-odd years' time when she's 30 too.

I have lots of siblings who all but one have children. (Ranging from one child to 6 children)

Dh has one sibling who has no children.

Thankfully my family don't do Christmas gifts as there are so many of us and our partners and children - we'd all be out a fortune.

We used to buy to all children for birthdays but as they're all growing up now my sister suggested we just buy to our God children and on big birthdays such as 18 & 21. She's the one with the 6 children and said she didn't want everyone spending so much.

So that's what we do now. Buy own own children at Christmas and then our godchildren on birthdays, and unless a niece or nephew has a milestone birthday.

It works for us.

DH's sibling, on the other hand, insists on buying for our teenagers (who no longer want the same stuff they've been getting for years so therefore goes to waste) she doesn't know them and doesn't know their taste so they get generic tat (colouring pens and a book for my 18 year old provided a laugh when opened last year) but it's the thought that counts.

We have always given her and her dh something like vouchers for a meal out but in the past few years we've donated to a charity they support.

Stop presents altogether, just buy for your own.

Buying for kids only is only really OK when everyone has kids. You'd be better off suggesting no gifts all round in this scenario.

You just need to cut out presents altogether. You/Dh simply buy for your own kids and let everyone else do what they want. I'd send a text now telling them all that you are not partaking in any gift exchanges this year as things are tight. Let them be annoyed if they want. It really doesn't matter. And then don't buy nothing for any of them.

And yes, it is ridiculous to be giving your brothers a tenner in a card. They are grown men and don't need it.

I think that it's fine to say that you are only buying for your own kids or own kids plus nephews/nieces.

And others can also decide what to do.

Your mum sounds an utter ridiculous nightmare!

I know I'm lucky in that there really isn't anything I want or need, same for my husband & exchanging presents really would be a waste imo.

“Our budget is extremely tight this year. We can only afford to get presents for our kids and niece. Please don’t feel obligated to get gifts for us or our children this year because we won’t be able to reciprocate. We hope everyone has a wonderful holiday”

I don't buy for adult in my family nor do I expect a xmas gift.

'Don't need buy anything for any of them'

I give up correcting my errors!!!