To think people who parent like this do their children no favours

[lastqueenofscotland]

Back story, as a bit of a side hustle I ride some horses for a lady who keeps them on her own private property. These are fully fit Competition horses, not novice or easy rides. It is a paid arrangement which I am grateful for.

A colleague overheard me talking about it to someone yesterday and chirped up that their 11 year old started riding last year and she’d love to come and ride these horses... I brushed it off and just laughed and said “oh haha it’s not really that sort of set up”

Today she came to me and said quite seriously “when can my daughter come and ride” to which I explained they are not my horses, they are kept on private property and they are not appropriate rides for a child”
To which the woman turned round looking horrified saying that she’d told her daughter about me and how she could come and ride these horses. I stressed that it wasn’t appropriate or safe.
She then sent me an email later in the day asking if I couldn’t just ask the lady that owns them and surely she could just come round and have a quick ride. I ignored the email.
If she brings it up again WIBU to point out animals are not toys and if she’s the one who’s disappointed her daughter, not me?!

Does her dh drive a flash car? Ask her if your 17 year old dsis can take it for a spin?

My thought exactly. It's like asking Lewis Hamilton if her daughter can have a go because she's sat behind the wheel a couple of times.

just I'm sure you aren't a cf looking for childcare, but even with you there it would be the horsey person that needed to supervise her, rather than just being able to enjoy themselves/ power through jobs iyswim. Her age wouldn't prevent her being helpful, just her inexperience.

She is being rude and annoying but it’s even more bizare she’s prepared to risk her daughter on a completion horse after you’ve told her it’s not safe.

I get this kind of thing in the sports club where I coach. Parents who promise their kids that they can take part in regional or even national level competitions when they are not even getting placed in local ones. The best outcome would be that they get hideously humiliated, the worst that they get badly hurt or cause an accident and hurt other people. Some parents don't seem to understand that we are saying "not yet" for the child's own benefit, not because we are horrid. Sometimes the only option is to be blunt I'm afraid.
I've not been able to coach much this year because of ill health and whilst I miss the sport, and miss the kids, I really haven't missed the pushy parents and associated drama at all.

Tell her it's a firm no. The child could be seriously injured if she comes off. If she complains make out its for insurance reasons say not insured for under 18s to ride there or something. She shouldn't make promises without having a confirmed yes. Her problem if her child's upset not yours.

Elbowedout That’s crazy too. I don’t understand how parents can be so deluded.

Next time she asked me I'd give her my "can you be any more of an imbecile" look at say "are you deliberately trying to kill your child, or do you just not like her very much? The horses are not suitable for people at her level to ride or even handle, end of story"

I get the same with work adults suggesting they could come for a ride on my ex racer, now competition horse - 'cause, you know, they rode as a kid and liked it. I just explain that he needs a rider who can ride and then go through a few of my injuries from stacks. That puts them off.

I have competition horses and keep them at home. I've lost count of the times people have asked for their kids to have a ride, or even adults who havent ridden in a few decades but would fancy getting back into it. Sure, ride my advanced dressage horse....and die. People are clueless.

Yep the mother is not remotely horsey......... Silly mare.

Textbook.

What a ridiculous woman.

Aside from the point that the horses aren't suitable for an 11 year old they belong to someone else. The OP because she is a really good rider clearly is paid to ride them. Even if the horse was some quiet old neddy it would be really cheeky of her to ask the horse's owner if some random can have pony rides.

It's really cheeky to invite yourself to ride people's horses full stop regardless of whether they are quiet or not.

I’m just following for the future requests from the silly mare

You’re not being unreasonable but I think you already know that, so I’m not really sure what you are looking for with this thread.

I've learnt a huge amount about horses on this thread.

OP the mum is clearly clueless and perhaps has a an element of CF about her. Dreadful combination.

I like so many responses (I also wish we had 'like' buttons) but I think pickledmepopcorns response was really good.

Tell her that she should not have promised something that is not hers to promise and therefore she has disappointed her own dc by doing so

Please send one of the suggested responses. But please don't use the word cross. Use vexed. A very mn word I feel!

I have ridden all my life, had my own horses and am not bad in the saddle - and I would be terrified to ride young competition horses.

Sounds like her DD has never had a bad experience or a fall (yet) and is still massively overconfident. DM knows nothing about horses and thinks they are much of a muchness.

All you can do is reiterate that they are not your horses, that their owner won't let anyone else ride them, and hope that Little Miss takes a minor tumble from a 12.2 in the next few weeks which puts them both off.

This is my pet hate! I ride as my job too and also own 2 competition horses (and a demon pony) myself. I sound a lot richer than I am, believe me I'm not😂 One of mine has jumped internationals (not with me, I'm not that good lol) and the amount of people that confuse the fact she's 'experienced' with her being easy drives me insane.

It's like learning to drive a fiesta and then jumping in a Ferrari and putting your foot to the floor🙄

Surely the fact that they are not your horses to 'give rides on' should have sufficed? Perhaps you can ask to use this woman's toilet at home, or to raid her fridge, or take her car for the weekend?!

Also, most non horsey people just don't understand the difference between a riding school nag and a finely tuned competition horse.

I have ridden competitively for years and have my BHSI and there are still horses that I would think twice before getting on.

In fact, you could always suggest to the mother that she have a word with her child's instructor to see what they think about her level of competence and whether they think she's good enough to be riding advanced level horses. A decent instructor will put her right, silly woman.

Your colleague really is a CF! Does she often try to steamroller others in the workplace or has she just got horse lust? If she continues to ask I'd just be very blunt and tell her you've been quite clear her daughter cannot ride the horses as they are not yours to grant permission, you will not ask your employer if her daughter can have a ride, she is making this very awkward by not accepting your polite refusal and you don't want to discuss it further. Anymore pestering and maybe you could ask your mutual manager to intervene. Apart from an eye roll so hard they see brain I'm not sure they would really care but you can't just go about trying to coerce your work mates into stuff and being a general pain in the arse ad infinitum

Just if I’m being brutally honest if someone asked to Bring their ten year old to help muck out etc I’d probably say no.. I wouldn’t ask personally mention in passing your daughter loves horses and see what they say. Don’t press the subject

I told CF mother to please stop asking
I wish someone had filmed me riding last night when one heard a firework go off eleventy billion miles away. Turns out the mare was highly skilled in airs above the ground

Suburban parents who want their DDs to have riding lessons when they really can't afford it are very silly. I think they imagine they are buying into a landowner's lifestyle when they are just setting their kids up to want something that they will never be able to afford.

@lastqueenofscotland haha! Aren't they such a joy mine have had the summer off because I'm currently 82 years pregnant, things like this remind me that hours of lunging will be in order before I get back on board

I wish someone had filmed me riding last night when one heard a firework go off eleventy billion miles away. Turns out the mare was highly skilled in airs above the ground

LOL, wish I'd been there to see that - sounds like a masterly performance was turned in by both horse and rider!

If she persists in asking, you could turn around and ask her with a concerned look, whether her inability to comprehend a clear and basic statement comes up often in her performance reviews. . .

Typically she’d waited until I was just trotting her off on a long rein.
Thank god for looking after racehorses in a past life and being able to gather reins from any situation

People ask me why I have such quick reflexes.

Homicidal Equine Maniacs is my stock answer. . .