To think people who parent like this do their children no favours

[lastqueenofscotland]

Back story, as a bit of a side hustle I ride some horses for a lady who keeps them on her own private property. These are fully fit Competition horses, not novice or easy rides. It is a paid arrangement which I am grateful for.

A colleague overheard me talking about it to someone yesterday and chirped up that their 11 year old started riding last year and she’d love to come and ride these horses... I brushed it off and just laughed and said “oh haha it’s not really that sort of set up”

Today she came to me and said quite seriously “when can my daughter come and ride” to which I explained they are not my horses, they are kept on private property and they are not appropriate rides for a child”
To which the woman turned round looking horrified saying that she’d told her daughter about me and how she could come and ride these horses. I stressed that it wasn’t appropriate or safe.
She then sent me an email later in the day asking if I couldn’t just ask the lady that owns them and surely she could just come round and have a quick ride. I ignored the email.
If she brings it up again WIBU to point out animals are not toys and if she’s the one who’s disappointed her daughter, not me?!

Fair enough, I was riding Andalusian stallions in the yard I helped out on as a teenager and the thought of letting any child of mine near them fills me with horror

You are absolutely right to refuse. My Dsis runs a dressage yard and has a couple of competition horses - I'm a very decent rider, but I wouldn't be riding those ones!

One of my pet hates this.

Does her dh drive a flash car? Ask her if your 17 year old dsis can take it for a spin?

We have ponies, and they are kids ponies which makes it even more difficult. I usually just say 'oh no, it's a nightmare with insurance, yard owner would have a fit if I turned up with joyriders, but there is a riding school just down the road......'

Free ride requests were always from the most affluent of dds classmates as well. My clapped out 4 x 4 always looked like a shitcan at the side of their new bmws. The riding school was soooooooo expensive though, and we have Florida next month so can't really afford it, just a little ride will stop her mithering.....

Ooh, no- I wouldn't give her the owner's details, OP - the owner will think you're the mad one!

I agree about sending a link to a riding school though - it's odd the woman is set on these specific horses if her DD is already riding...some people are so strange.

I guess she sees it as an in to get free riding when riding can (justifiably) be quite an expensive hobby.

I would just keep repeating that it's nothing to do with you and they're not your horses!

YAabsolutelyNBU

Your colleague is pretty cheeky. If you want to shut her up without her wheedling, just tell her that the insurance won't allow it.

Of course I’m not giving her the owners details?! where did I say I was doing that?!

It is also a paid arrangement, the woman pays me to school them so she can use her riding time doing fast work and jumping.
Even the most straightforward of the four of them is very very forward, and would scare the living daylights, if not cause a major accident with a novice

You have said no and if she raises the same point simply stop talking about it and change the subject. You do not need to repeat yourself.

How about:

"The owner is very picky about who they let near the horses and I just don't think you'll cut the mustard, sorry!"

I would just ignore tbh. You’ve been quite clear and any further discussion will probably make her think there is room for negotiation. Unless it will negatively affect your working relationship too much?

where did I say I was doing that?!

Sorry, should have quoted - a PP suggested giving the mum the website address so I was referring to that.

Continue to ignore, sorry

I’d let the owner know she’s bugging you and you’ve said no. You don’t want her turning up when the owner is riding and saying you said it was fine.

The owner doesn’t have a website nor does this lady know her address
It’s a well off woman who has four eventers/show jumpers that she competes to a high level despite working full time, and keeps on her property.
It would be quite hard to find out where she lives I’d think!

But I might give her the heads up just in case

You learn by the time your child reaches at least the age of two, that you don’t make firm arrangements or promises until you know for certain the facts and if it will go ahead. She’s an idiot yes and sounds entitled.
You’re doing the right thing, where’s the insurance if she falls off for instance, it’s not a riding school, they are your friend’s pets. Stay firm.

What a cock

I’ve ridden all my life

Just say. They aren’t mine. It’s like when you loan w car from someone. You can hire it out to others. It’s not your property to lend out. Simple as

Then explain these horses buck and kick and could easily kill a child. That will put her off

When I was about 12-13 & thought I could ride (weekly half-hours at riding school since 10-11) we visited some relations whose slightly older daughter had 2 ponies which she showed.

They let me ride one...

I've no idea how the preceding conversation went, but as soon as I'd gathered the reins it was off with me (I may have kicked it).

Not sure if I fell off at the first or second jump, but anyway I spent the rest of the afternoon on the sofa having liniment rubbed into my back, & was lucky at that!

You might like to pass that anecdote on to your colleague, OP

It sounds like a misunderstanding exacerbated by the fact that she isn't horsey.
She thought she overheard you saying that you help out a woman by riding her horses because she's too busy to do it so your colleague thought her DD would love to help too.
I'd reply to her email explaining that it's not a situation where a child can help out and actually it's your job. Or were you deliberately vague about this being a paid arrangement because you're not declaring the income?

Jeez, she sounds thick as mince. Has she no idea how dangerous what she's suggesting is?!

Or "Of course I'll speak to the owner. She'll just need to see your daughter's official competence certificates and documentary evidence proving she is able to school horses to xxxxx standard. Oh. and she'll also need the contact details for least two recognised referees who are willing to testify to her competence and details of your insurance policy that covers her for riding the horse and any vet's bills that may ensue from events occurring whist the horse is in her care. Then you will be able to sign a legal waiver stating you are aware of the dangers and undertake total responsibility for riding at this level and any accidents and injuries your daughter may sustain. That won't be a problem will it?
Legal fees to be covered by you of course"

(add smile and mumsnetty tinkley laugh at your discretion .)

Not necessarily a parent thing, though I have experience of this type of parent!

There seems to be an attitude at the moment that if you keep on and on, refusing to take no for an answer, eventually you will wear down the other person and they will give you what you want.

The pester-power generation just grew up!

How could it possibly be a misunderstanding when op has explained to this idiot that the horses are not hers, are not suitable for children at all.?
She has decided that her dd is going to ride them, told her dd this and now is blaming op for her downright crockery and lying to her dd.

I’d just reply to her email so she’s got it in writing, no I will not let your daughter come with me, these horses are not suitable for a child to ride, they are not my horses and the owner would not be happy if I let someone else ride them, please don’t ask again.

Bloody autocorrect
Cfuckery not crockery!

My absolute pet hate. Nobody else is allowed to ride my competition horses apart from my mum and even then she is only allowed to hack them.

Just tell them no. They are competition horses not riding school ponies.