To think people who parent like this do their children no favours

[lastqueenofscotland]

Back story, as a bit of a side hustle I ride some horses for a lady who keeps them on her own private property. These are fully fit Competition horses, not novice or easy rides. It is a paid arrangement which I am grateful for.

A colleague overheard me talking about it to someone yesterday and chirped up that their 11 year old started riding last year and she’d love to come and ride these horses... I brushed it off and just laughed and said “oh haha it’s not really that sort of set up”

Today she came to me and said quite seriously “when can my daughter come and ride” to which I explained they are not my horses, they are kept on private property and they are not appropriate rides for a child”
To which the woman turned round looking horrified saying that she’d told her daughter about me and how she could come and ride these horses. I stressed that it wasn’t appropriate or safe.
She then sent me an email later in the day asking if I couldn’t just ask the lady that owns them and surely she could just come round and have a quick ride. I ignored the email.
If she brings it up again WIBU to point out animals are not toys and if she’s the one who’s disappointed her daughter, not me?!

You have said "no" and explained why. She has been incredibly cheeky and doesn't really deserve any more of your time or energy re-explaining. She has basically lied to her daughter although I wonder if she is stressing the upset as a way to guilt trip you OP.

When she said that she had told her daughter that she could come and ride the horses, did you not remind her that you had said no? What did you say?

Even if these were the most child-friendly horses in the world, why should you be pressurised (bullied?) into taking a colleague's random child for a ride anyway?

You've said no. The fact she pushed it even then it's awful.

I would tell the owner because it will give her a laugh.

Always find it funny when parents do this. I haven't been asked much because I think my response must get round quickly. I just start laughing and go 'experienced adults won't ride my horse, do you think your small child is going to manage to survive going on him?'. Most people don't bother once they've seen the size of him, or once they've heard I broke my leg falling off once (not even the same horse but I don't tell them that).

If that doesn't tell her how stupid she is being, then there really is no hope for her or the poor kid.

These kinds of people drive me mad - it’s really not about the horses, as pp said, they just bang on and on thinking you’ll say “oh, I’m sorry, the first 4 times you asked I really wasn’t thinking clearly ,of COURSE you can”. . For some reason this is reminding me of all the people we barely know who have assumed our pool is public property - pools are relatively common round here, but we even had one family stop by on the way back from somewhere and say “we’ve got our cossies in the car, we thought we could have a swim?” The couple of times at the beginning I just sort of let them, and then it was a complete nightmare with small children struggling, having to act as lifeguard instead of make dinner because parents too busy chatting , wanting the loo, etc, etc..no we have nothing better to do.... the noise and assuming finished me off, hardly have anyone over now. Well, several friends, but no cheeky horse-borrower types!

Oh, and I’ve just yelled at my eldest for “bullying” the younger one in this manner today - just going on and on thinking he’ll change his mind about something. No means no!

Tell her you also exercise some Police attack Alsatians and maybe her DD would like to come and put on padding to exercise those...

Actually, she might just get ideas...

Look her straight in the eye with a Victoria Stillwell dog training stare and say "I have already said no". but don't smile.

Entitled and rude.
I’m horsey and my daughter rides once a week at a riding school and even I wouldn’t ask if she could come and ride someone else’s horses. Horses aren’t a free for all pass for every Tom dick and Harry to sit on their backs.

Apart from the obvious CF thing (insisting that her daughter ride horses that doesn’t belong to OP) I feel so sorry for the girl.

Her mother clearly has no interest in learning enough about her riding to realise the dangers. I used to ride as a teenager and in my 20s. I rode horses that got spooked, reared, bucked and occasionally charged and took quite a while to get to stop. These were stable horses (thoroughbreds, but still, horses you could pay to ride). Even then, I would not have wanted to ride your horseS OP. I cannot imagine this woman’s DD on the horses I rode, OP’s horses is just . I worry that she will end up on a horse she cannot control if this woman keeps going. And get badly hurt.

Are you part of an MLM scheme @lastqueenofscotland? I’m only asking as the only people I have known who are so full of stupid modern expressions are MLM sellers. Can you not tell her and her spoiled daughter that under no circumstances is the daughter riding these horses? Perhaps you didn’t think of that, because you were to busy using silly modern slang...

Too* meant to write too, but I’m half asleep as I’m very tired and sore.

A agree this mum clearly doesn't know what she's asking.

May I ask a question though? I'm also a mother who is ignorant of most things equestrian, with a 10 year old dd who loves horses. My dd has fortnightly riding lessons but would love to simply spend more time with horses. Is it ever ok to ask horse owners if my dd could help groom the horses? Or muck out? I'm guessing there may be an insurance issue?
(She does do pony club, but that's also fortnightly)

Noseynails
DRTFT
Op was at work when c.f. overheard her conversation.
She can use whatever words she likes who cares?
Op already told her she cannot ride the horses. She still persisted.
What bit of ops posts were too difficult for you or were you too busy trying to be such a witty posterand actually just being a nasty poster you didn't read further than the first paragraph?

As my granny always said "You are never as stupid as when you are trying to be a smart alec."

The cheeky fuckery never fails to astound me. Especially when it comes to horses. Everyone in school assumed they could just ‘come and have a go’ on my pony. Umm no he’s not a fucking hobby, it’s not like trying out my new scooter. He’s a living breathing animal with thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes and he doesn’t want to be treated like a donkey on Brighton beach.

I do miss a challenging horse. This thread has made me a little wistful for my riding days. Used to ride a fantastic ex racehorse who was nervy as heck. One day we went past a field as a bird scarer went off and he didn’t flinch, had a scrambler motorbike zoom past us, nothing. Got to the little lane leading up to the stables and a crisp packet gently skittered across the path in the wind and boom he was off like a rocket . You never quite knew what you were going to get.

just you could ask if they know anywhere she could get more involvement. That way if the owner wouldn't mind they can bring it up themselves along with any other local paid for/ voluntary opportunities they know of. Otherwise you'll just be putting them on the spot to answer 'Can you share your very expensive hobby with my child, so she gets to enjoy your horse for free and you get to teach/ supervise in your leisure time'

Don't get me wrong, lots of people are quite happy to have an extra pair of hands, and have a lot of sympathy for children that share our obsession but with limited access. However, even those happy to offer tend to respond negatively to being asked directly.

Similar to how you might happily offer someone a lift, but wouldn't appreciate some random person asking if their dc with a provisional license could drive you around in your car to gain further experience.

Lots of experience, admittedly with easy horses, mostly. I applied for a job because of your OP and I have an interview on Monday! Wanna cry!

Shit patrol, here I come, if I get the job!

Brown flashing light on the quad bike, please

What an idiot. Horses like those are not suitable for beginners. I know to my cost (I was thrown from a friends horse despite having had many lessons on "school" horses. Learner drivers don't drive sports cars!

Repeat yourself a final time but adding she should book her dd in at a local riding school, I'd also mention this to the horses owner on the of chance that the cf colleague takes it upon herself to turn up and claim you said it was ok for her DS to have a ride.

Best of luck @DNR

Perhaps show her this clip :

Source is Youtube

@Just2MoreSeasons You could ask but I think you’d need to be very careful how you worded it otherwise it could easily come across as @TrainspottingWelsh has said or that you’re after some free childcare/rides. I know that’s not how you mean it but a lot of horse owners (me included!) have allowed a child to “come and see” their horse only to find themselves childminding or being expected to allow the child to ride when the horse is neither safe nor suitable for a novice.

In your shoes I’d maybe mention in passing that your daughter is pony mad and see if the owners offer. But please don’t be offended if the owners don’t want to - the risk of something going wrong is not insignificant which the owner could find themselves liable for or they just don’t have the time for a child to ‘help’ mucking out (from experience they’re enthusiasm isn’t in doubt but they do tend to create more work!). Also, some yards don’t allow under 18s.

Might also be worth seeing if the riding school at which your daughter rides does pony days or something similar which are more involved than just riding?

(their, not they’re!)

Thanks trainspotting and bright -wise advice. I will be careful not to ask directly and see if anything comes from a wider conversation. I really don't want to be a CF and appreciate that 'help' fro a 10 year old is not always that helpful. I wouldn't occur to me to drop and leave though, I know horses can be dangerous and not always predictable. I'd defiantly supervise the 'help'.
Thanks for taking the time to answer 💐