To think people who parent like this do their children no favours

[lastqueenofscotland]

Back story, as a bit of a side hustle I ride some horses for a lady who keeps them on her own private property. These are fully fit Competition horses, not novice or easy rides. It is a paid arrangement which I am grateful for.

A colleague overheard me talking about it to someone yesterday and chirped up that their 11 year old started riding last year and she’d love to come and ride these horses... I brushed it off and just laughed and said “oh haha it’s not really that sort of set up”

Today she came to me and said quite seriously “when can my daughter come and ride” to which I explained they are not my horses, they are kept on private property and they are not appropriate rides for a child”
To which the woman turned round looking horrified saying that she’d told her daughter about me and how she could come and ride these horses. I stressed that it wasn’t appropriate or safe.
She then sent me an email later in the day asking if I couldn’t just ask the lady that owns them and surely she could just come round and have a quick ride. I ignored the email.
If she brings it up again WIBU to point out animals are not toys and if she’s the one who’s disappointed her daughter, not me?!

This is inappropriate on so many levels. Just tell her no and refuse to enter into any discussion about it. It’s really not your problem if her daughter is disappointed? What a weird thing for the mother to promise?

@BeatriceTheBeast we so need a like button on mumsnet

I think your being a bit harsh on this woman clearly she is ignorant on Horse matters and is in need of education rather than criticism.
She possibly has only seen the horses at the riding school which i'd expect are rather more "tame" than the ones the OP has access to.

I even wonder if she, well for that matter most of the public, has any idea how much the aeverage horse weighs even and what damage it could do to her DD if she was to have a fall.

Yes perhaps she dosent want to pay for lessons or has possibly promised her daughter a ride and now can't fufill that promise. Its all a shame really

An old friend of mine keeps a couple of old Boys, Dobbin and Bert very pleasent horses they are too:) three of her young relatives turn up in her yard to ride and muck out and feed them etc,and I expect they will know in due course most all there is to know of horsey matters from said lady!.

Downright crockery

OP, really, . Do not let this loon fork you about.

Or were you deliberately vague about this being a paid arrangement because you're not declaring the income?

Slightly OT, but there might be lots of reasons other than tax evasion that someone might not want to draw too much attention to the fact they have other employment.

For example, they might be hoping for a promotion in their main job and don't want anyone thinking that they're less committed than others who don't have a second job - not that this would be a fair judgement for an employer to make in this day and age, but I personally might still be reluctant to risk giving that impression in certain circumstances.

I would respond to her email explaining that her daughter riding is not an option, so you have something to refer to. She doesn't seem like someone who listens and might end up causing you a problem!

Suggest she find a good pony camp for in the school holidays if her dd wants more time with the ponies than just the lessons.

Eugh cant stand people who do this.

We get it all the time as we have 2 ponies which belong to our 8 year old. Neither are first ponies, 1 we is retired but before that had no brakes and the one she rides is 14hands welsh D and built like a brick shit house, incredibly sensitive mouth and prone to napping.

For some reason every tom, dick and harry we meet has a darling daughter who just LOVES ponies and would love to come and 'just have a little go' on DDs ponies.

Always the unhorsey people so would need me to tack up, teach, etc etc and wouldn't even be able to help with chores.

Our ponies are kept at a bloody school if you want your kid to learn you can pay for lessons for years like we did!

The woman is bonkers and seriously pushy. You explained it wasn't that sort of set up, that should have been enough! Surely she can find the girl a stables where she can take a horse for a ride - if she doesn't do that already.

Oh op, I'm sorry you were put on the spot and really hope the subject doesn't come up again. Best not to say much about it in front of her in future.

@Riv That would have been my response too. I'm not remotely horsey, having only been on the back of a pony once on a field trip, but surely common sense would tell someone that riding competition horses is a wee bit different from riding at the local stables or riding school?

I have worked with people who didn't have masses of money but whose kids were keen riders and loved horses, and the kids would help with the mucking out and general duties in return for a little extra riding time. Would that be an option?

And, am I missing something, or were you having the original conversation with someone else in any case, not the child's mum whose daughter is mad keen on riding?

Downright crockery

OP, really, . Do not let this loon fork you about

@Supersimkin2 you spoon, that’s cutlery not crockery, I’m handing you your arse on a plate for that one 😂

Typical MN pulling apart the irrelevancies
I declare the income I get from my freelance work with horses. Next comment?

I wasn’t being deliberately vague, she was eavesdropping with a conversation I was having with a colleague who asked what I was doing that evening while we were having our lunches in the break area

Don't bother the owner.

She sounds like she has massive boundary issues

Oh hell no! What is it with non-horse people and 'access' to horses? You've told her no, I'd ignore anything further from her.

When I was a teen, a coworker of my mum's paid me to exercise her horse for her during her pregnancy and up until she felt ready to ride again after the baby came. I'd sold my own horse so obvs I jumped at the chance. I cannot tell you the number of my friends who thought I should take them to the stables with me and just let them ride this horse. He wasn't a competitor or a difficult horse (generally speaking, he had his 'moments') but the bottom line is he wasn't mine.

She sounds completely dim.

Ask her why she'd rather endanger her daughter's life and yes, that's what she would be doing rather than just admit to her daughter she got it wrong.

It’s so dangerous as to be terrifying. Even a relatively calm horse can get unsettled with an inexperienced rider, let alone a competition horse.

Just tell her the owner doesn’t have insurance to let under-18s ride the horses for fear of injury (probably true anyway) and then send her a link to a kids riding school.

Not sure she would love it when her kid was thrown off at speed and potentialy badly hurt. Silly woman. Horses are large and independently thinking animals, high performance ones are more finely tuned and would detect a novice straight away. I'd not put a child on a bull. Or a motorbike.

You are absolutely not unreasonable.

I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve asked if their child can come and “have a little ride” on my horse because “she loves horses, you know”. First off, she’s not a toy to be passed round for the amusement of others and secondly I’m not having my hard work to get her competing to a decent level undone. Not only that, but I don’t want random strangers rocking up, ta. There’s plenty of riding schools around. What’s that, you’ll have to pay if you go to a school? Do you think my horse lives on fresh air and my yard owner lets her live on the premises out of the goodness of their heart?

I had one particularly persistent woman whose father was my old landlord’s handyman. He’d told her I had a horse (because he’d seen me carrying saddles in and out of the house) and she announced that she’d bring her children to the yard “for a go”. She was most put out to be firmly (if inaccurately!) told that my yard is private and they have a ‘no visitors’ policy.

That’s cheeky enough but to try and wrangle a ride on horses belonging to someone else? Sheesh, a whole other level of cheeky fuckery!

Idiotic woman. Not sure it is anything to do with parenting though. She is just ill educated about horses and CF as well.

People are weird about horses and seem to feel like they have a right to access them.

I’m going to reply tomorrow to the email and just say no, please don’t ask again.
I’ve owned ex racehorses forever, everyone is terrified of them and no one asks me to ride them ever.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the Mother not being horsey at all, I’m not a horsey type and neither would I suggest my offspring tag along for a free ride on the horses, she’s just a CF.

She’s a CF and overbearing. Also potentially putting her daughter in danger.

I’d be very firm, mention social services would think we’ve put kids at risk and also my job at risk. Silly silly woman.

"Sorry, i thought I explained the first time. These are not ponies for young riders, they are temperamental and extremely valuable. The owner would never agree- it would be dangerous for both the horse and your daughter."