WIBU to miss BIL wedding in Scotland?

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I’m a regular poster (penis beaker, softzilla etc) but have name-changed as I’m worried SIL is on here.

BIL (DH’s brother) and SIL have just announced they are getting married in Scotland next year in the Highlands. The area is important to them as they visit every year to go hiking etc and they have loose, distant family heritage connections to the area. However they have never lived in Scotland and none of their living relatives or any of their friends live up there (we mostly live in London or are scattered across the south).

The problem for us with getting there is that it’s not possible to just travel up on the day and get there in time for the ceremony, so you have to travel up the day before. The wedding is on a Saturday but is during term time and DH is a teacher so can’t take the day off, so that means not leaving until around 4pm on the Friday.

Apparently other guests who are teachers are either getting the sleeper train that night to arrive the next morning, are flying up to Edinburgh after school and then hiring a car to drive the rest of the way that night, or are staying in Edinburgh for the night and then getting a train for the last bit on the saturday morning. None of those options would really work for us as we have two young children (DS will be 3 and DD will be 11 months) - they really need their sleep routine (I’m not being precious, they will genuinely be horrors at the wedding the next day if they haven’t slept) and all 3 options would mean keeping them up way past their bedtime.

I think BIL and SIL think they are being accommodating as they have researched and told us all the travel options and have also said they “don’t mind” if we’re not able to bring the kids (but have also asked DS to be page boy if he does come?!) I don’t feel able to leave them for two nights, even with my parents. They are fine looking after DS for a day but they’re not in the best of health and he’s a handful at the best of times, without adding the baby too!

So my suggestion is that DH goes alone on the sleeper train and I stay at home with the kids. Although tbh I’d be upset to miss it and I think BIL and SIL would be quite offended (most of their friends don’t have kids so I think they just don’t get it!). Overall I’m just pissed off that they’ve chosen somewhere so difficult to get to for all of their guests and haven’t made sure that it works for close family before choosing it. Just feels like we haven’t been considered properly and they don’t really care if our kids are there or not but will be offended if DH and I aren’t there.

WIBU to say it’s too difficult for me to go, either with or without the kids?

I agree that it's definitely worth the OP's DH asking if he could have a day off, it is his DB who is getting married. There's plenty of notice after all, the wedding is still a year away. If you don't ask, you don't get.

Also, young children change a lot in a year. They'll be 4 and 2 and will travel more easily, particularly the four year old, who will have some understanding of what's going on. (As long as you don't start potty training the two year old. I also have experience of a potty training two year old wanting a wee wee at every single lay-by. 🤣)

Things generally go a lot better with young children than you think they will. And even if it is a struggle, it's still worth going to special events, as you get to see your loved ones tying the knot/having their baby christened.

Would just like to point out that currently Scotland wouldn't count as abroad for the rest of the UK.
It isn't even that difficult to get to. Honestly.**
Fully aware where it is. But people need to travel. People need to stay over. People may need to take time off work. People may need to make childcare arrangements /board the dogs /cats whatever.
The point is any event requiring any of the above may not be that easy.
My wedding was abroad, we understood it was not easy for everyone. This is similar in a lot of ways. I was not suggesting it was abroad

I'm a teacher and my head would grant me unpaid leave for my siblings wedding! My head is fab tho and allows time off for dependents appts too, either paid or unpaid depending on how much time we've had off.

Has your husband asked? Even half a day would make the difference?

If you're in the UK then no Scotland isn't abroad, but I have been to weddings that actually were abroad that were less of a pain in the dick than this is going to be for OP and DH.