Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
RiggedUpSquare · 06/11/2019 11:42

NoSauce you aren't answering my question.. this has nothing to do with the desire to see gran. I'm asking, if gran and the whole family want her visit... Why is sorting the solution the op's specific problem, to the point where people are suggesting she should log in and book at the air b&b etc? Why is the admin on the op? Isn't gran or the son closer to solving that problem?

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 06/11/2019 11:45

Oh just realised it's just a room in another house. Oh god, no that's hideous. A whole flat/loft or something is totally different.

Drum2018 · 06/11/2019 11:49

Seeing as its a room in a strangers (as in stranger to mil) house I wouldn't, especially when having to share a bathroom. If it was a self contained flat or similar then yes. My mother/mil (both deceased) would never have agreed to that. Are there hotels nearby?

Organising the visits is down to me.

What's wrong with your Dh that he can't organise for his own mother to visit? If it's a thing he's not bothered then I'd be leaving it be - save yourself the hassle of having to stress about it.

Anoisagusaris · 06/11/2019 11:52

I wouldn’t stay in a room in a stranger’s house so wouldn’t expect my MIL to.

BertrandRussell · 06/11/2019 11:52

“ Isn't gran or the son closer to solving that problem?”

Well, for a start, you’re expecting the grab to be psychic.......

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 11:52

If a cousin (of the children) was to visit what would the arrangements be?

Depends on the age of the cousin.
If a child of similar age to mine, they would have a 'sleepover' providing no-one has school the next day.

A teen with a younger child? Depends on what the teen would prefer. If they are ok with sharing, ok. If not, sorry cannot do.

If the cousin is an adult. Alternative accommodation for them. If the invite was from me I would pay. If they invite themselves, let them go and find somewhere,

The only exceptions would be if it was an emergency. Then I would squeeze them in whether suitable with the minimum of disruption.

Anyone who knows me knows, you come here and sleep, you fit in where you can. Children as and when get put in together. Adults were there's space, there's a place to sleep.
I have avoided having children sleeping on the sofa. Once they are on it, it's basically good night adults. But we like to chill and chat when they in bed, watch a movie or whatever. And it's either there or my room, which we have done these things there at times. But I don't want to do this all the time. It's my private space and up to me who I allow in, same for my children. It's their space regardless of if it's their own or shared. Who am I to demand they give up their private, safe space?

BertrandRussell · 06/11/2019 11:53

And to carry on with, the OP is the person who thinks it’s a problem.

RiggedUpSquare · 06/11/2019 11:58

Who am I to demand they give up their private, safe space

I think this is mostly a generational thing... I was expected to sleep on the sofa if grandparents stayed (one in my single bed, one in a siblings who had a double). This continued until my teens until I moved out of home, and I did resent it in later years - having to move my toiletries, diary, use the temp blankets and give up my duvet to sleep in a public space for regular overnights. It was crap and there was zero privacy. I'd never ever do the same to my DC for visitors now; either they stay elsewhere or the sofa is available. We're very very accomodating of guests but I won't turf out older kids and teens to accommodate the commitments of adult decision making.

Cheeseandwin5 · 06/11/2019 12:01

You and DH have to do whats best for you both, but if it was me I wouldn't do it.
She is a lady on her own and may enjoy the charms of a chaotic house.
She doesn't come very often and stays only a short while.
from your description she doesn't seem to be expecting much anyway

historysock · 06/11/2019 12:02

I suggested this to my own mother once. In fact when I was due to have dd2 and she was going to come and stay with us to look after dd1. We then lived in a tiny two up two down cottage. I kind of wanted to have my early labour in private with just then h there. It went down like a lead balloon-she was really offended.
Some people are a bit weird about things like that-I'd love it myself as whisky I love seeing people I don't love staying at their houses-it's nice to have a break morning and evening I think.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 06/11/2019 12:15

We have done just that at Christmas time. My PILs are very fussy and made it clear they didn't want to stay in our house anyway. We would have had to give up our room to give them a double bed as all the other beds are single and occupied by our boys. MIL was actually happy that I booked the room in advance with free cancellation in case they didn't like the idea and chose a nice one and regarded it as a real treat because they could please themselves and were very happy with the room (thank god!) They didn't have to rush over in the morning but went to a fancy carol service at a very nice venue, and then were able to walk back to the hotel for a lie down and reappear in the evening and have a drink etc.. The fact that they thought of it as a nice break made the whole thing more relaxed than usual. It also gave us all plenty to talk about on the day. I offered to pay but they refused.

NearlyGranny · 06/11/2019 12:19

We did this when my DM came to stay and we were already 4 in a 2 bed cottage. She stayed up the road at a farm and loved the walk back and forth and the friendliness of the hostess as well as the peace and quiet away from toddler twins.

She loved turning up with a litre jug of raw milk from the cows. Happy memories. I'd check out that it's a nice place and then present it as a treat.

BillieEilish · 06/11/2019 12:31

Duckbilled Sorry, could you clarify if your parents are a married couple and stayed together in an hotel? With a private bathroom?

Or separately in a cheap airbandb in a room in someones house with no private bathroom?

It's not clear as you say you have done the same as OP and I want to check I am not being an idiot here.

pixiie2 · 06/11/2019 12:33

I think it's a horrendous and mean-spirited option.

Think about it - no one wants to be holed up in a spare room with strangers waiting to walk three doors down to be with their family, who they have made the effort to come and see.

When will she come back? When she wakes up? Or, more realistically, probably wait for you to "okay" her to come back.

In your mind you're justifying it saying she will have peace - but I doubt she's expecting/wanting any when she's come to see her grandchildren.

YABU.

GreenTulips · 06/11/2019 12:34

I think you stay in air BNB and let the MIL have the kids

Everyone’s a winner!

misspiggy19 · 06/11/2019 12:37

She is a lady on her own and may enjoy the charms of a chaotic house.
She doesn't come very often and stays only a short while. From your description she doesn't seem to be expecting much anyway

^This. I wouldn’t turf out an elderly woman on her own

pinkblushrose · 06/11/2019 12:40

I’m honestly surprised at how many think this is a great idea ... I would be really upset.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 12:42

I wouldn’t turf out an elderly woman on her own

No-one is turfing anyone out. There's no saying she's elderly.

Anyone would think op is suggesting the woman sleep on a park bench. And during the day, all she can do is stare in through the window, watching the family. Lonely, cold, hungry. Desperate for a pee.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 12:43

Pinkblush Why would you be upset though?
You are just been asked to sleep somewhere else at night.

pinkblushrose · 06/11/2019 12:45

As someone said above though, it would mean having to leave at some point and then wait around the next morning until you feel ready. Also hate sleeping in a strangers house. And if I was expected to pay for it, I’d be pissed off: if people were paying for me, I’d feel embarrassed and want to shorten the visit.

Honestly, seriously, I don’t think I’d visit ever again.

NoSauce · 06/11/2019 12:48

RiggedUpSquare I wasn’t aware you’d asked me a question?

You don’t invite someone to your house to stay then tell them they’re paying for themselves to stay elsewhere.

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 12:50

Let's reserve the scenario for a moment.

I live alone in a one-bed house. I love seeing the grandchildren and their parents.
The thing is though I haven't really got space. It was a bit easier when the gc was a baby. But now he's a lot bigger and takes up more space.
So I've been thinking about it, and have had a look around at suitable alternatives. Aibu to suggest this to them and I will even offer to pay the place.
Ok, it isn't quite what they would have at home. But really it's just whilst everyone sleeps. During the day we can do all the family stuff together. I would like to pay for accommodation that meets their exact needs, but it's all I can afford.

What would you advise Gran?

ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 12:51

*Reverse ffs

crosstalk · 06/11/2019 12:53

I don't mind sharing a bathroom with a stranger and I'm probably MIL's age. In fact gasp I regularly use an airbnb where I share with the male host. After all we're of a generation who grew up without en suites in homes and more often than not in hotels.

ThatMuppetShow · 06/11/2019 13:03

I love this thread!

Usually on MN there is a HUGE outrage and anguish at the idea of having friends or family over, or worst, having to stay into a relative's house!

But now because someone offers to pay for an AirBnB, it's a reverse outrage. Classic Grin

No wonder some posters HATE holidays when there's such a fuss about anything and everything! It must be exhausting to be so mortally offended all the time

Swipe left for the next trending thread