Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
nuxe1984 · 07/11/2019 17:35

Ask her! Say that you're not trying to get her out of the house but just wondered if it would be more comfortable for her there. Suggest she could give it a try and if she doesn't like it you can rethink. I should imagine she doesn't mind squashing in and it's nice seeing the GC first thing in the morning ,etc. but you're going to run out of options when they get older anyway.

Mammajay · 07/11/2019 17:41

It seems cruel to me. Just my opinion

Aridane · 07/11/2019 17:41

Oh my - I just could not imagine doing this to my mother (or any other close relative)! Each to their own and the poll suggests I am in a minority in saying YABU (though maybe of you had said 'mother' instead of 'MIL', the poll would have been different Smile)

springcomeround · 07/11/2019 17:47

I think it’s perfectly reasonable , especially if it’s just somewhere to sleep ,but I know my own mother would be very put out.

Insanelysilver · 07/11/2019 17:48

Would it be very difficult to stick the kids in together and free up a room ?
It depends on how you think your mil would feel. Personally I’d rather have my own private space and ensuite bathroom and the opportunity to get away from the kids when I’d had enough.
However I do wonder if she might feel hurt at being put out of your home.

madisoncat · 07/11/2019 17:49

I'm a MIL in my late 60s and I've stayed in B&B's/Hotels when visiting my AC.

I have stayed in a good AirBnB and an awful one but as you know the house and owner it's not as if your MIL would be going to an unknown place.

Talk to her, I'd be happy to stay close and as for the cost can you afford to pay, can your MIL or go 50/50. Think about what's best way of covering the cost then present that option first.

If you know how long she'll be staying you might negotiate a deal with the BnB lady first.

Good Luck

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 07/11/2019 17:49

I use airbnb a lot, but not to stay in someone's spare room

Same here. We frequently stay in a hotel or Airbnb when we visit people simply because it's so much more comfy! My PIL were slightly bemused when we first suggested it a few years ago...but sleeping on camp beds in their basement is SO uncomfortable and none of us sleep well. We're all feeling grumpy after a couple of days due to tiredness!

I'd ask your MIL if she'd like to consider the Airbnb and accept whatever she decides. She may love the idea of a proper bed and a bit of peace at the end of the day/first thing in the morning. I always invite people to stay at our house as we have a spare room and two bathrooms, but I wouldn't be offended if they declined.

moyrapoppins · 07/11/2019 17:51

If she's a good MIL she would offer to stay elsewhere anyway...

NoSauce · 07/11/2019 17:52

If she's a good MIL she would offer to stay elsewhere anyway...

WTF.

BertrandRussell · 07/11/2019 17:53

“If she's a good MIL she would offer to stay elsewhere anyway...“

Yeah, course she would. Or, preferably, not come at all. After all, she visited for 2 whole hours only last year....

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 07/11/2019 17:54

@moyrapoppins is deliberately baiting, ignore!

Alicatz66 · 07/11/2019 17:54

If I was a MIL I wouldn’t mind !! She can spend all day with the kids ... then go to a nice peaceful place to sleep !!! ... I would pay for her though .

jwpetal · 07/11/2019 17:58

My dh would be very hurt if I did this to his parents. Mine come and stay for 2 weeks as they live very far away. His only come for 2-3 nights. My kids absolutely love grandparents in the house and have no issue sharing rooms. Over the 3 days, they get a lot of attention. Perhaps speak to your dh and have him help with getting the rooms prepped. this shouldn't be up to you alone. If you decide to do it, the polite thing is to pay for the airbnb.

yourname00 · 07/11/2019 17:58

BellyButton85, when you have grand kids one day, I hope they treat you the same way!

I think that it's an inconvenience you can put up with since it's only a few times a year. It's a much wholesome experience being able to stay in the same house. However, if she is OK with the AirBNB, you definitely must pay for it.

Sallyrush · 07/11/2019 17:59

She might think it’s a great idea! Bit of peace and quiet after full on days with the kids. I don’t think it’s rude but also would offer to pay. Maybe give her the option. Phrase it in a way that it’s for her benefit as much as yours

aweedropofsancerre · 07/11/2019 18:01

I have 4 DC and 4 bedrooms but we put out MIL and FIL. DC don’t mind sharing for a couple of nights and it’s fun having us all in the house. The DC enjoy having them here and they enjoy heading in to see them in the morning when they wake up. My mum is a widow and I would never send her round to the local B and B. There will always be space for her

aweedropofsancerre · 07/11/2019 18:01

Oops typo! We put ‘up’ not out

Mumofboth · 07/11/2019 18:03

I think it’s rude. She visits a few times a year to spend time with you all and you palm her off to a B&B. I’ve had relatives happily sleep on the sofa or get in with my children and they’ve loved it. Clearly previous posters disagree but I think it’s really inhospitable of you and you would be making her feel very unwelcome.
I would embrace the madness, knowing it’s only a few times a year. You might actually enjoy her.

Gilld69 · 07/11/2019 18:07

I would suggest it and say youd like to pay as a treat but shes welcome to spend the days with you all its just easier and prob more comfortable for her

comingintomyown · 07/11/2019 18:08

It depends on her personality are you or your DH not able to forecast how she would feel about this idea ? I think it’s a really reasonable suggestion until it’s made to you iyswim ?

I also question if part of your DHs “laid back “ attitude is because he doesn’t have any of the hassles related to her staying, surely it should be a matter for him to decide ?

On balance ,since you’ve said it’s only three times a year , I would not suggest this beforehand but if an opportunity presents itself to weave into the conversation during her next stay then sound her out then

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 07/11/2019 18:16

Absolutely.

And for the poster who have asked-my mum stays in hotel around the corner. We just don't have the space and are over 3 floors with lots of stairs and it just makes for a much happier visit. We always walk her round at night and she pops over when it suits in the morning.

I think anything that makes visit easier and takes the stress out a great idea.

And I would absolutely pay

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 07/11/2019 18:27

I’ve had relatives happily sleep on the sofa

Everyone's different, my relatives would NOT sleep on the sofa, they'd expect their own room and a proper bed! Especially the grandparents, they're in their 70's and 80's so they need comforts. If we didn't have a spare room, we'd give them our bed.

Anyway, people do whatever works for their families.

tillytrotter1 · 07/11/2019 18:28

Once our daughter had a family we usually stayed in a hotel rather than upset their household. It also gave us a sanctuary!

Jux · 07/11/2019 18:33

She wants to stay with you; she wants to share yo live for a short time, and she can't do that if she's not hanging about before breakfast, waiting for hot water for a shower/bath, all those little thngs which make you feel that you beong and are wanted.

Hammy65 · 07/11/2019 18:34

I am a granny, mum and mother in law. I have slept on sofas, air beds and in bed with small children - both at my daughter’s home and at my son my daughter in laws house. No problem and we just squashed in for a couple of nights. Great tea and biscuits in bed in the morning! It would break my heart if my daughter in law suggested a B and B. Surely children will just accept ‘granny’s coming’ and it’s a bit chaotic for forty eight hours - but also important memory making with loving grandparents. Surely that’s what families and love are all you about.