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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL to stay in an AirBnB when she visits?

414 replies

LoverNotOfChicken · 05/11/2019 23:38

We have 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house. Lots of kids, toys and stuff! Rejig of rooms when she stays, blow up beds etc.

About 4 houses down is an AirBnB, £26 per night. Really nice lady runs / owns it. Is it unreasonable to suggest she stops there in future? MIL doesn't visit often, only 3 times a year for a 4 days, no FIL on the scene.

OP posts:
ffswhatnext · 06/11/2019 18:50

If it was them going to grannie, and she no longer had space but wanted to see them. She couldn't travel to them. She wants to offer a similar thing as op. So just somewhere to sleep, the rest of the day they are welcome.

What would you people who think that op is being mean or whatever advice then?

Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 18:53

I never understand why it is so anti MIL. With no DM around I welcome her visits, infact, visit us more.please! But I can't change that part. Just wanted to make the visit as easy on everyone all round.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 18:56

And it is literally 4 houses down. In fact it is opposite so I could see her from a window and wave so she isn't left out for the 9 hours she isn't here in our house.

OP posts:
Runmybathforme · 06/11/2019 18:58

Offer to pay for the accommodation . If I was your MIL, I’d be really pleased with that idea. I love my Grandchildren to bits, but they wear me out. A place of refuge sounds perfect.

rookiemere · 06/11/2019 19:00

Seems fine to me OP. Sounds like she'd have a lot more personal space and privacy than current arrangement of staying at yours.

Why not email her and suggest it as an option to try to give everyone a bit more space and if it doesn't work for her then revert back to previous arrangement. I'd stress how close it is and how it literally would be for sleeping only and that you know the owner and it's had great reviews.

bellabasset · 06/11/2019 19:03

We all mucked in at Xmas when family arrived. However if the airbnb is available and within a 5 minute walk your dh might ask his dm if she would prefer that option, which you would pay for.

I think we all have different experiences with our family so what would suit one wouldn't be acceptable to another. Personally for two to three nights I'd be quite happy to go up the road. It makes sense if you don't have a spare room.

Dauphinois · 06/11/2019 19:21

Definitely do it - we do. My parents and their respective partners have both stayed in local Airbnb's when they've visited us, and it works really well.

RaymondStopThat · 06/11/2019 20:49

My parents and their respective partners have both stayed in local Airbnb's when they've visited us, and it works really well.

Yes but this is someone who lives on her own and would be staying on her own, so entirely different.

If I was the OP I'd say 'you know it's a bit of a squash in our house when you stay. You're very welcome to stay with us, but if you'd prefer, there's a house a few doors away where you could stay, or there's a hotel a few miles away. We'd be happy to pay if you would like either of those options, and will help with transport if you'd like to stay in the hotel'

Babymamma192 · 06/11/2019 21:02

Firstly I would probably want to stay in the air b and b myself 😂 you could offer your mil your room and get a bit of a rest?
then if she doesn't want to do that then you could ask if she wants to stay in the air b and b instead then?

LovePoppy · 06/11/2019 22:24

‘This is OUR home, for OUR little family. YOU are separate to that, YOU are apart from that.’
That’s how it would feel to me.

....but you would be separate. You don’t live there

bumblingbovine49 · 06/11/2019 22:47

No.way on earth would I want to stay in a stranger's house and share a bathroom instead of staying with my son. If it was a hotel room, or an ensuite b&b then that is completely different. In fact.my preference when visiting friends and family without much space ia

1 stay as close as possible in hotel or b& b or travel lodge ( en suite only)
2 stay in the house even if it means sleeping in living room/ blow up.bed etc
3 don't visit

The option to go and sleep and shower in someone else's house does not come into it. I'd rather not visit

Original poster
LoverNotOfChicken · 06/11/2019 23:05

You would rather not visit your grandchildren who you see just 3 times a year than stay 4 houses down the road in an AirBnB? 🤔

OP posts:
saraclara · 06/11/2019 23:19

I use airbnb a lot, but not to stay in someone's spare room. The 'whole property' option is great, but I don't want to stay in a stranger's house and share their bathroom.

This thread is so polarised that I don't think we can help you, OP. It might be that your MIL would love the option of staying somewhere more peaceful. Or she might be incredibly offended and not want to come again.There's absolutely no middle ground that I can see.

All I can suggest (if you think she'd be honest) is that you ask her how she finds sharing your home - because you'd love to see her more often and want to make sure she feels comfortable. Ask her if she finds it too noisy or cramped, and if she admits to it, then tell her about the alternative option.

MaryPeary · 06/11/2019 23:20

You just have to ask her in a sensitive way which makes it clear that you're not pushing her to use the AirBnB if she'd prefer to be in the family home.

Have to say I would hate the idea myself. If I become a grandparent, I think it would be lovely to muck in with the family for a while, and just pretend, for a few days, that you're back in those golden years with small kids. To be directed towards an AirBnB would be very hurtful because it's isolating you from the family during your stay. Yes, I know it's only 4 doors down etc. It's still not welcoming her into your home to sleep, though. There is something symbolic about that. I appreciate that many people would prefer the AirBnB - what matters here is whether your MIL is one of those.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 06/11/2019 23:26

OP, you came on and asked are you being unreasonable.. some say you are, some say you're not.

Just wondered if she would rather be in an AirBnB than the toddler room whilst the other children were on a camp bed / bunk beds.

She's the only one who can answer this, but you seem fairly convinced she'll be fine.

saraclara · 06/11/2019 23:44

It's still not welcoming her into your home to sleep, though. There is something symbolic about that

Yep. Many years ago, on one occasion, my parents said they'd stay in a hotel instead of with us. They didn't offer any explanation. Just said that was what they planned. We had a comfortable spare room, so I was bemused, and hurt in a way that I couldn't quite explain. My mum is really difficult, so you'd think I'd be glad of a bit of respite.
I'm not normally sensitive or easily offended at all, but I was really discomfited and upset.

EllaEllaE · 07/11/2019 00:43

some of the replies here are really weird. And rude! Implying that a single woman in her 60s must be sad and lonely -- so lonely she'll be heartbroken if she gets a bit of privacy and a real bed to sleep on when visiting a house full of small children... Hmm

My MIL is single, and she has no problem staying in an airbnb or a hotel when she visits. She loves her grandkid -- when she comes to visit, she plays with him all day. But she also then gets to go back to real bed and sleep, and come over to join us for breakfast whenever she's ready rather than be woken up at toddler-o'clock.

(Although tbh, she likes to sleep in pretty late, so more realistically she comes over for brunch... Grin )

But that's her choice! It would be super awkward for everyone if we had to tiptoe around trying to keep the kid quiet until 10am, because granny likes a lie in.

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 07/11/2019 07:15

It’s reasonable to ask what your MIL would prefer as long as you offer to pay.

Your husband needs to stop being so laid back and start doing some of the grunt work of laundry and bed shifting.

Other option- you offer to go to Airbnb , MIL has your bed with clean linen on, and husband figures out the rest himself.

lowlandLucky · 07/11/2019 07:31

Where do you stay when you visit your MIL OP ?

raisinseverywhere · 07/11/2019 08:03

My Mil would hate this, she'd feel very anxious as a woman alone in a rented room stranger's house.

Mascarponeandwine · 07/11/2019 12:48

‘This is OUR home, for OUR little family. YOU are separate to that, YOU are apart from that.’
That’s how it would feel to me.

This has a grain of truth though. How often does mumsnet trot out the advice on “keeping Christmas for your own little family“? and reminding the DH that “he must start traditions now he has his own family”.

My MIL would’ve refused to stay in a b&b alone. Just like she refused to take a train alone (didn’t drive either). I expect my DM would’ve been the same - they were both the post war generation of housewife who just didn’t do this sort of thing on their own, and wouldn’t have had the confidence to, indeed it wouldn’t have even occurred to them that anyone would ever expect them to take on such an enormous out-of-their-comfort-zone arrangement on their own. Whereas this wouldnt worry me at all, not in the slightest.

So without context it’s really difficult to comment on what the MIL will think of the idea. She might be travelling with work and staying airbnb all the time.

Everyone that is so precious about not sharing bathrooms or sleeping arrangements with strangers, how would you cope if you’re in hospital / staying on a ward with a child? Sleeping on a bench in close proximity to lots of strangers and having to walk across the ward / hospital to get a shower in a communal bathroom?

ffswhatnext · 07/11/2019 13:16

Yes but this is someone who lives on her own and would be staying on her own,

I live on my own. I travel a lot on my own. I don't mind if I cannot stay in the house. I stay in airbnbs. hotels, hostels, b&b's etc. I prefer it.

When you are single you don't mind doing any of these things.
If single people had an issue with staying on their own, well apart from the obvious of they would find themselves a partner. Then they'd never go anywhere.

But millions of single woman travel the globe on a daily basis and stay in places other than the people they are visiting homes.

So what is so wrong about a single person sleeping on their own?

Turquoise123 · 07/11/2019 17:29

She might well like it - most of us like a bout of time to ourselves. It’s a great idea

SparklyShoesandTutus · 07/11/2019 17:30

Sounds ideal. In your position I would book it and if she is put out by the idea of staying there I would go and sleep in it. Can you imagine waking up to peace and quite daydreams May have to look at if this is a possibility for when my DM visits

Toomuchtrouble4me · 07/11/2019 17:33

I would but I would definitely pay

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