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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you have two or more children

133 replies

Monkeynuts18 · 05/11/2019 22:14

Is it harder going from zero to one child or one child to two children?

I have one (14 weeks old) and it really has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The first 6 weeks was hell on earth - I’m not sure I can imagine doing it again. Is it easier a second time round? Or is it even harder because you have a baby plus another child to look after?

Just interested!

OP posts:
Flicketyflack · 05/11/2019 22:16

I felt like this after my first child!

I now have a fourteen and eleven year old.

It is easier to go from one to two than none to one because, IMO, life as you knew it is gone.

Just my view Wink

NataliaOsipova · 05/11/2019 22:18

I think it’s harder from zero to one....just because you know what you’re doing second time around. Although I do remember looking back and thinking what a meal I’d made of doing things with one child when I’d had the second!

Twotinydictators · 05/11/2019 22:19

I found the first 3 years with DD a generally wonderful experience, magical even. Then DS was born and the last 4 years have been the most difficult of my life. I suspect you'll get lots of differening opinions and experiences. No. 2 could be a doddle for you, it's hard to know. Sorry your finding it so hard, hope things improve Flowers

Sjl479 · 05/11/2019 22:19

Agreed 0 to 1 is harder, it’s such a shock! Second time round you have the benefit of knowing what to expect and that the really tough newborn phase doesn’t last forever.

missanony · 05/11/2019 22:19

0-1 was hardest for me. It depends on how easy the babies are and the gap between them. Also how much support you have around you.

I waited until the eldest was at school.

OMGicantbelieveeit · 05/11/2019 22:20

Definitely harder going from none to one than one to two

You just get on with it the second time and a newborn is easy peasy compared to a toddler!

I remember thinking "why did I make such a meal of it the first time" Grin

NoodieRoodie · 05/11/2019 22:20

Zero to one was the hardest thing I'd ever done! Number 2 arrived just under 2 years later and was a piece of cake and number 3 arrived 22 months after that. Three children under 4 was a walk in the park compared to the first year with number one

Teddyreddy · 05/11/2019 22:21

I think it depends on the birth, the baby and the age gap you have. I had a 21 month age gap between 1 and 2 and it was very hard going with DC2, she was a difficult baby. Going from 2 to 3 has been, so far, much easier.

30to50FeralHogs · 05/11/2019 22:21

0-1 definitely hardest! 1-2 was a big deal but I left a big gap - I’m sure it would have been even harder with them close together. Tbh going from 2-3 I barely noticed Grin

Eeeeek2 · 05/11/2019 22:21

Much much much easier going from 1 to 2 than having the first.

ChanklyBore · 05/11/2019 22:21

Harder the second time, but my second child is a more disruptive personality. I didn’t find child number one particularly difficult (pregnancy however, another story completely). She felt like she’d always been here. But I had two children just far enough apart to straddle the “smartphone” divide. With the first I didn’t have the internet and MN was very new and social media
/smart phones didn’t exist. With the second all that support and information was there at my fingertips. Otherwise I’d have struggled a lot more, I think.Was not much to do with having two children , just more to do with the two I had perhaps, And the fact that the second one didn’t sleep for five years.

minipie · 05/11/2019 22:21

Zero to one was a million times harder.

I think people who have very easy first babies sometimes find it harder going from one to two, especially if the second sleeps less well etc. If you’ve had a difficult time with your first you’re already into child centred life mode...

30to50FeralHogs · 05/11/2019 22:22

Although I have heard it said that you need one parent per child to make it easier, so having 3 can present problems. Strangely it’s sometimes easier to have 1 parent with 3 children as then they all have to take turns. When it’s 2 parents and 3 kids one always gets left out!

ElGuardiandenoche · 05/11/2019 22:22

It depends on the age difference between the two. I found it easier going from 1-2 with three years age difference than 2-3 with only 15 months difference.

MirandaWest · 05/11/2019 22:22

I found 0-1 very hard. DD was born when DS was 22 months and it was a lot easier. I just got on with it and it was OK

RandomMess · 05/11/2019 22:23

My 3rd was my hardest because she had undiagnosed silent reflux and screamed and screamed and screamed.

I think a big part of it is "luck" some babies are much more content/"easier" than others.

After your first you tend to be more relaxed because you know what you are doing compared to the first time around.

beela · 05/11/2019 22:23

0 to 1 definitely harder and I echo comments about wondering what I was making such a fuss about first time round.

Breastfeeding was harder second time though, as the toddler kept needing attention / doing dangerous things / wanting to watch his programmes on TV, and I couldn't just sit there watching midsummer murders all afternoon.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 05/11/2019 22:24

I found it much harder from one to two.

needyorgrumpy · 05/11/2019 22:24

I'd say in my experience equally as hard but my two dc are very close in age and when dc2 was born I had a c section and dc1 was very poorly and up all night for the best part of a year so it virtually broke me that with getting up to breastfeed dc2.

I'm sure in most cases it must be easier second time around if your eldest is walking, talking and mostly out of the tantrum stage.

PotteringAlong · 05/11/2019 22:24

2-3 nearly broke me. Definitely my hardest leap!

TORDEVAN · 05/11/2019 22:24

I had twins the second time, zero to one was harder than one to three

Rach000 · 05/11/2019 22:25

Yes 0 to 1 is harder. I found it hard the first time, was such a shock. I was worried about the second as didn't think I would cope but found it fairly easy and wasnt sure what I had been doing the first time!! Maybe she was an easier baby, but still not so much of a shock.

snowone · 05/11/2019 22:25

Zero to 1.....without a doubt! It is quite literally life changing. DD1 is 5 DD2 is 7 months, the age gap is so big because I was so scared of having all those feelings again! Confused

Salene · 05/11/2019 22:25

22 month gap , 3/5 year old . Definitely 1-2 was harder for me

GnomeDePlume · 05/11/2019 22:26

Three here, now 24, 21 & 20. 0-1 was the hardest as everything was new. All we had were books to tell us what to do.

Second time around was the easiest - DC1 was really helpful when her little brother was born. Best bit of kit for looking after a baby is a helpful three year old!

Third time around was busiest as we had a rising 5 year old, a 15 month old and a newborn.