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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask, if you have two or more children

133 replies

Monkeynuts18 · 05/11/2019 22:14

Is it harder going from zero to one child or one child to two children?

I have one (14 weeks old) and it really has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The first 6 weeks was hell on earth - I’m not sure I can imagine doing it again. Is it easier a second time round? Or is it even harder because you have a baby plus another child to look after?

Just interested!

OP posts:
Babyfg · 05/11/2019 22:27

0 to 1 was harder for me. I think with the second you know what your baby needs and don't stress about every little thing. Also I was so used to being tired/watching kids tv/having crumbs all over the house/the million other things we think won't happen and wouldn't be us until we had a baby that I was loads calmer the second time round.
For example baby one- it's nap time you have to nap, why aren't you napping let me google everything, we have to make sure everything stops to accommodate this nap, I will literally bleed the blood from my veins to make sure this nap happens
Baby two- we'll try for ten minutes, it isn't working, never mind shall we go to the park instead? Well just put you to bed half an hour early if you look tired.

57Varieties · 05/11/2019 22:28

0 to 1 is harder due to the shock to the system of parenthood. Despite having a 2 year old too, going from 1 to 2 was a piece of piss by comparison

hiptobeasquare · 05/11/2019 22:28

For me, 1-2 was a lot harder. My eldest had just turned 2 when I gave birth to my second. My eldest was adopted at 6 months so I didn’t have all the physical issues to contend with going from 0-1. 0-1 for me was a delight, 1-2 has been a nightmare at times!

Kraggle · 05/11/2019 22:28

0-1 was harder than 1-2. Dd1 was a tough baby and is a tough child though. I also left a 4 year age gap before dd2 came along.

WoodenTricycle · 05/11/2019 22:30

1-2 hardest for me as DS1 was a really good sleeper from a young age and also fairly placid. DS2 was none of those things!! Also whilst the age gap wasn't tiny, DS1 was still a small boy and needed me. Found it hard to juggle the demands.

DC3 fit in pretty well as a baby. Just had to be carted about where the older 2 went.

hennybeans · 05/11/2019 22:30

So much easier the second time, and even easier still the third time. By baby 3 I didn't even mind getting up in the night, I could make a bottle or change a nappy with my eyes closed. With DC1, I felt like it was the end of my world, I would never have a normal life again, what had I done? DH had to have three weeks off work with DC1 because it took both of us to cope with one baby. By the time I had dc3, I knew what to do, how to recognise baby was hungry, tired, etc. So much easier.

cosytoaster · 05/11/2019 22:30

Zero to 1, your life has already changed by the time you have a second and you're use to being slightly tired all the time.

soupmaker · 05/11/2019 22:30

0 to 1 was absolutely shell shocking. Life changed completely and DD1 had silent reflux and didn't sleep. Had two MC after that so DD2 didn't appear until 5 years later. Was an absolute breeze going from 1 to 2. If I hadn't been so old I'd have had a 3.

Crotchgoblins · 05/11/2019 22:31

Depends on lots if things really. Like Pp have said if you had an easy first baby who is placid and sleeps through the night early you may wander what the fuss is until non sleeping number 2 arrives!

I had a difficult first baby, non sleeping, high needs, hard to settle. 2nd baby much happier soul but I was dealing with toddler jealous and breastfeeding issurs ( mastitis and an abcess)

I couldn't even consider number 2 until ist one had passed 18mo and was showing signs of sleeping for more than an.hour at a time. Although I loved my babies and toddlers, I would not want to relive those times and am happy we are moving into the school/ preschool era!

Charles11 · 05/11/2019 22:32

0-1 was the hardest as I was so lonely. Dh went back to work and all my friends worked or lived elsewhere.
Everything was new and overwhelming. Some days I wouldn’t get out of the house because I couldn’t leave it messy and seemed to have no time to tidy up. One particular bad week, I had no clean clothes that fit. I think the baby just puked up on me about 5 times that day and I just ran out of clean clothes and cried.
By no.2, I had lots of friends, had a routine and was generally more competent. It wasn’t easy as if had an emergency c section but I wasn’t overwhelmed and feeling down and was just able to get on with things.

CherryPavlova · 05/11/2019 22:33

Zero to one as you want to be the perfect parents. By the time two comes along, you’re too busy to even consider perfection and it’s all much more relaxed.

Sammyp235 · 05/11/2019 22:34

I’ve got two, 11 and 7 and I’d say zero to one is harder as it’s such a shock to the system. One day you just have to worry about and fend for yourself....then the next you have a brand new, completely depending on you to feed, water, clothe, bathe etc you know what totes getting in to when you have your second! 😉x

Walkon · 05/11/2019 22:34

I went from 1 to 3! That was most definitely harder for me than 0-1.

ilovetofu · 05/11/2019 22:35

I found zero to one amazing.
One to Two is also amazing but SOOOO much more exhausting!
Adore them both though Grin

orangeteal · 05/11/2019 22:35

0-1. Absolutely. Nothing prepares you for that, you have an idea and your life is already blown up by number 2.

itsabongthing · 05/11/2019 22:35

Harder 0 to 1 than 1 to 2, definitely.

Having 2 brings its own new challenges but at least it’s more familiar ground!

mintcorneto · 05/11/2019 22:39

I found 0-1 so unbelievably difficult. 1-2 was a doddle in comparison

GrotbagsBetterLookingSister · 05/11/2019 22:40

Going from 0 children to having 1 was easy for me. He slept like a dream, fell quickly into a reliable and predictable routine and rarely cried.

Going from 1 child to two, and having 2 children under two, was the most difficult time of my life. Ds by that point was 17 months and had to be constantly supervised and my youngest had reflux and cried all the time, had chest infection after chest infection and resisted any kind of routine. I also had depression and struggled to bond with the baby. It didn't get easier until the youngest hit 2.

EugenesAxe · 05/11/2019 22:42

Zero to one. What most people have said already... for me it was sort of constant worry about every bloody thing. I felt like I was permanently Googling or with my head in baby books, looking for advice. It soon improved and I was far more zen about #2.

Don’t worry and go for walks. Both of you will be happier for it. Sodding winter doesn’t help so get some daylight xx

Dinoctoblock · 05/11/2019 22:44

0-1 was hardest by far (I have 3).

DC1 didn’t sleep and I found parenting in general to be quite all consuming. There’s only 15 months between DC1 and DC2 but by the time I had DC2 I had learned a lot and also knew that the tricky first 6 months pass and life gets easier.

Next gap was 4.5 years with DC3 and that’s been easiest so far.

Bacardi101 · 05/11/2019 22:47

1-2 for me was the hardest by far, I had a two year age gap and my youngest DD didn’t sleep all night just as I got her settled my older DD was up. The first 3 months after having my second nearly broke my sanity but I’d never change it now and I love having two would never have a third mind!

SluggishSnail · 05/11/2019 22:47

Without a doubt, for me, zero to one was the hardest. It's a massive change in lifestyle, not least being responsible for someone 24/7.
One to two had challenges; the baby was easier but the toddler was breaking new ground. Nights were often short and/or interrupted.
By the time I had number 3, I was already fully occupied, so somehow having another baby in the mix didn't make much difference.
(older siblings were 3 and 4.5 years older, so plenty of entertainment from them)

GettingABitDesperateNow · 05/11/2019 22:49

Interesting question. I also found the lack of sleep and lack of time to do what I wanted, a massive massive shock the first time. I thought the second would be easier though because our life has already changed, we knew what to expect etc.

It wasnt really! The birth and recovery were a bit easier for me. I had a more difficult second baby though. I found sleep deprivation hard as I had to be 'on' for the toddler. I also felt immense guilt that I couldn't give either my undivided attention. Even now they do play together nicely some of the time but a lot of the time I'm refereeing fights over toys, and although it's nice to do stuff as a family, it feels a lot calmer and 'quality' when its 1 on 1 time.

Maybe I'm just negative and not very good at being a parent though

ClapHandsAndSaveTheFairies · 05/11/2019 22:50

Found both hard in different ways.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 05/11/2019 22:50

We went from 0-1 and then, some 11 years after that, from 1-3 in one go. Second was harder because although we had some idea of what we were doing by then, having a pair of the buggers (and born prem at 32 weeks into the bargain) was a different level entirely.