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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you have two or more children

133 replies

Monkeynuts18 · 05/11/2019 22:14

Is it harder going from zero to one child or one child to two children?

I have one (14 weeks old) and it really has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The first 6 weeks was hell on earth - I’m not sure I can imagine doing it again. Is it easier a second time round? Or is it even harder because you have a baby plus another child to look after?

Just interested!

OP posts:
GettingABitDesperateNow · 05/11/2019 22:51

Oh our eldest regressed sleep wise when the baby came, and our second was a non sleeper. I remember one night where I had to catch a flight with both of them the next day...I managed 2 half and hour naps between both their wake ups. The travelling is a total blur!

Jupiter15 · 05/11/2019 22:51

0-1 Is a huge life change. You become a mother. 1-2 is hard in different ways but not such a big life change.

neversleepagain · 05/11/2019 22:53

I went from 0-2 and it was hellish mostly. being a new mother to two newborns left me shell shocked for months. It got easier but I would never ever have more.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 05/11/2019 22:53

Everyone I spoke to said the second just slots into your lives but I found the opposite, she only eventually slept on a strict schedule in her cot, so I spent most of my second mat leave rushing the toddler home so the baby could sleep.

kazza446 · 05/11/2019 22:54

Zero to one difficult as your life changes so much. However I found going 1-2 difficult as I had 2 mini people to juggle. (Just 13 months between my 2.) I then went on to have 3 under 3, that was a breeze as chaos just ruled out life.. everything settled down and then 5 years later along came no 4!!! Wouldn’t change a thing. I’m fat and skint but love my little family!

StoutDrinker2019 · 05/11/2019 22:54

Year 1 with firstborn was v odd really. Everything changed from then on, permanently as I knew I had become a parent. But, I got my life back and went to work etc, had a social life etc after about a year. Then the second born comes along and bam, that all goes and childcare is so expensive it's not really worth working part time at all. I got pnd with my second because I found the adjustment very difficult and my identity was totally taken from me. The first year with two kids under 3 was utter hell on earth. Three years on and it's getting back to a new normal and I can see the light as school is around the corner for the second one. I think honestly life doesn't really get back to normal with two until they are both in school. But they play and enjoy family time so I'm glad they have each other!

Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/11/2019 22:59

First was harder - oevrwhelming. Now have 4, easy compared to 1st.

funinthesun19 · 05/11/2019 23:00

0-1 was easy, 1-2 was easy, 2-3 was hard!

Recently went from 3-4 and honestly it doesn’t phase me at all because I’m so used to everything being full on these days Grin

The jump from 2-3 was the hardest (at first).

Butterfly02 · 05/11/2019 23:01

I went from 1 to three and first time was hardest.
My mum always said going from 1 to 2 was easy but going from 2 to 3 got harder as she was out numbered big time and the laundry pile was bigger too.

AudTheDeepMinded · 05/11/2019 23:02

Depends on any issues with each child. My first was a nightmare pregnancy and birth and then months of colic. Second was an easier pregnancy (though of course had toddler to contend with), no colic and slept better. But did end up in hospital with very serious illness at 4 weeks. Going to a third was really, really hard for different reasons, although so far is the easiest child.
I would say the psychological shift that you undergo with the first is the hardest though, suddenly being responsible to another being and the curtailment of all previous freedoms was one hell of an experience for me. I knew in theory what it would be like, but the reality was very stark!

RachelEllenR · 05/11/2019 23:02

I think it totally depends on the gap and the babies! 1-2 was harder for me but a small age gap and my toddler was a menace and I couldn't just sit on the sofa cuddling my newborn which I did a lot with number 1.

5zeds · 05/11/2019 23:04

Zero to one was hardest for me (and I have 5). 1 to 2 easiest. You are probably much better at it than you realise

ThatMuppetShow · 05/11/2019 23:06

I have 4, definitively harder with the 1st one!

Number 1 has the luxury of all your time and attention, when you can stress about germs, routine, and everything. By the second child, you have to get on with it, and bizarrely it makes it easier.

It's only child number 1 that must be carried at all time, must have someone playing with him at all time and so on. From number 2, you quickly realise that of course they don't!

MaybeitsMaybelline · 05/11/2019 23:10

Zero to 1 without a doubt

thaegumathteth · 05/11/2019 23:11

1-2 was much much much easier for me . Many reasons such as

*i was fairly young and none of my friends had babies with dc1 but by dc2 I had new friends with kids
*dc1 never slept
*dc2 slept allllllll the time

Crucially though I think it was down to confidence too - I was always second guessing myself first time round but with dc2 I was more confident and also didn't have time to over analyse. It does get easier ! When I look back I think I was a total loon when dc1 was wee because he was the centre of my universe and I was ridiculous about a lot of things such as naps and feeding And god knows what else.

Nogoodusername · 05/11/2019 23:17

Zero to one was so much harder for me

Liskee · 05/11/2019 23:18

@GettingABitDesperateNow you've pretty much described me and how I feel. Two DS, 18 months apart. First year was a total cluster fuck, now it's a bit easier as they're slightly more self sufficient, but I mostly referee fights and doubt my abilities as a parent. I keep thinking the next phase will be where I come into my own....maybe one day that'll be true!

babybythesea · 05/11/2019 23:19

I’d say it depends on the children you get.
DD1 was a dream baby. Slept well, fed well.
DD2 didn’t. Had colic so screamed a lot. Didn’t sleep. Still has unpredictable sleep at age 6 in fact, sometimes waking two or three times a night.

Going from 0 to 1 was a breeze, because I was on mat leave with the baby who read the manual and was easy to look after.
Going from 1 to 2 was hell because DD2 played by her own rules, was a difficult baby, and I also had DD1 to look after.

I do also think nurture fed into it. DD1 had everything done In a routine, because she settled herself into one, and I could run with it. She decided to sleep at 10 every morning, I planned around that and she got her morning nap no problem.
DD2 didn’t fall into any such patterns, but then equally she’d try to sleep and I’d be putting her in the car to drop DD1 off somewhere, or pick her up, so I do wonder if she just never got the chance to develop the habits of a ‘good sleeper’ (four year gap - I was doing the school run so no choice to rearrange DD1’s activities!).

Most people seem to have said the opposite to me though 1st was harder. So maybe try ordering an easy baby and you’ll be fine?! I forgot to ask for the sleep function to be installed second time round and I think that’s where my problem lay.

BackforGood · 05/11/2019 23:19

0 - 1 was so massively life changing. I'd go so far as to say traumatic for me.

1 -2 was a piece of cake in comparison

2 -3 was hardly noticeable. The easiest of all.

I suspect some of it depends on the child's personality and also the birth, but a lot of it has to be related to how much your life changes.

buckeejit · 05/11/2019 23:20

Going to 2 was easy as you'll never get over the culture shock of having one. Congratulations!

managedmis · 05/11/2019 23:21

1-2 hardest

user1471582494 · 05/11/2019 23:21

2 to 3 was very hard for me. Could be no 3 was a difficult baby and my oldest was at school by then so i still had to get up and adhere to a routine for her.

Boobahs · 05/11/2019 23:23

I've got DS(3) and DS(5months) and everyone told me that going from 1-2 would be easier than 0-1. I've found it the completely opposite though.

Having a baby when the oldest has just started nursery school is really tricky as we have to stick to a timed routine and I find myself having to wake him to leave the house, etc.. whereas the first could just sleep/play/feed whenever he wanted to. Life seems to revolve around keeping the oldest entertained and it's tricky to juggle

spending time one on one with him without baby there (especially as he's exclusively breastfed).

Even things like going to appointments/shopping is so much harder with two of them. Wouldn't change it for the world though!

JacksonPillock · 05/11/2019 23:25

I mean, going from 0 to 1 changed my life more. But going from 1 to 2 was much harder, because looking after a baby AND a toddler is obviously harder than looking after just a baby. At least with one you can put your entire focus on taking care of that one baby. With the second you have to try to do that while also taking care of a toddler. Not an easy task!

Cakemadeoffruit · 05/11/2019 23:26

Easier going from 1 to 2.
Shell shock has already happened.
Your already knackered.
Your confidence is already in a ditch.
You already have the nursery set up.
You enjoy it more cause everything isn't quite so raw, because you've done it already.
Grandparents aren't quite so in your face.
No one gives you as much 'helpful' advice.
Your life has already changed so you don't miss your old life as much.

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