To ask, if you have two or more children

[Monkeynuts18]

Is it harder going from zero to one child or one child to two children?

I have one (14 weeks old) and it really has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The first 6 weeks was hell on earth - I’m not sure I can imagine doing it again. Is it easier a second time round? Or is it even harder because you have a baby plus another child to look after?

Just interested!

1-2 not too bad until DC2 was a toddler. Having a 1 and a 4 year old was absolute misery!

0-1 hardest for me definitely! Its something you can never prepare for emotionally or physically, something yo've never done before, the shock of so many new experiences/being solely responsible for another human being/ the lack of sleep/ all the things you need to constantly remember and keep on top with is insane.

Second DC- stuff just comes back to you. You know none of the stages last forever and it all turns out ok. Not perfect, but ok!

(I have 2)

Zero to 1 was really hard for me, emotionally and physically, but I found 1-2 easier and 2-3 easier again. I think by that point I was so used to chaos and flying by the seat of my pants, that it wasn't as much as of a parenting culture shock. Dc1 was not an easy baby by any means, and each subsequent child was a bit easier, which probably helped.

Having a 3 year old, 4.5 year old and a newborn was undeniably stressful by moments, but I still felt more in control than I did with just Dc1 as a newborn.

Never done either except for the 17 minute gap between numbers one and two! Going from 0 to 2 was life-changing (in a good way) and 2 to 3 was a doddle. 3 year age gap.

I found having my first a real shock to the system. Totally changed my life overnight. It was wonderful but so so difficult and overwhelming. But when I had my second baby 2 years later I couldn't understand what I had found so hard about having a baby as the baby was a piece of cake, it was the toddler who was the challenge. My life was already not my own so it wasn't a shock to the system when I had my second but it was harder because I had a toddler to entertain. I couldn't just sit feeding the baby all day in front of the TV, or go to chilled things like baby massage or meet up with friends and actually have a conversation without being interrupted. Looking back to the days when I just had one newborn baby, that really was so so much easier but it really didn't feel like it at the time. It's all about perspective. I'm sure I'm going to look back one day at my life now, with a 3 and 5 year old, and think it was a piece of cake when they're both teenagers!

It's harder to go from zero to one as your whole life changes but anything after 1 is just an added bundle of joy and the others sometimes help or make it worse without meaning to hahaha!
Iv got a 3yo 2yo and pregnant with number 3! Nervous at how to juggle 3 but not as nervous as I was having my first as iv a good idea what to expect and how to cope! My sister has 6 and she loves it! Xx

I found the first easier, than going from one to two, but I had pretty bad pnd after my second that I didn't get help for unfortunately.

Definitely easier going from 1-2.

My eldest was a nightmare baby. Youngest was much easier. This has pretty much been the story of their lives ever since.

0 to 1. After the first, your life is already in a routine based around a child. The next one just slots into that routine (hopefully!).

I found 0-1 easy...but I had a very placid, easy going baby.

1-2 was the biggest shock!

Zero to one in my experience out of those choices

The hardest of all though is two to three. Now that was HELL!

0-1 was eye-opening, there was no downtime and I was endlessly knackered. Colic, the lot.

1-2 was knackering because they passed the I'm Awake baton between them and almost never slept at the same time. Hard to get rested but far less of a shock to the system.

2-3 wasn't as bad because there was a larger age gap (4 years) so the eldest 2 were more self-sufficienct while I was dealing with the baby's needs.

1-2 Huge shock for me with a 5 year age gap!! But, that's what we wanted. Then we went from 2 - 4 within 25 months.

Another 4 year gap then 5, and our wonderful little DD6 who is nearly 5.
No more babies!!! But, don't read MN or NM, or other advice forums unless absolutely necessary - you'll find it far from helpful, if anything they make you feel worse.
It's only now I feel able to use these sites, if I haven't been through it with any of mine - I never comment.

Enjoy your babies, you're always doing better than you think!!

I have three children with very small age gaps. The initial 0-1 wasn't too bad for me as I luckily had a very good baby who lived routine from the start, the jump from 1-2 wasn't bad either but the jump from 2 - 3 was awful! As soon as the youngest turned 1, it started to get easier

2 to 3 was hardest. I have a 12 year gap between DC1 and 2, only 4 years between DC2 and 3.

IMO 0-1 was so hard- it’s life changing! There is nothing that can prepare you for the seismic shift your life takes. 1-2 has been much easier: sleepless nights are less of a shock, you have some experience. Obviously there is more practical work but you’re already in the thick of it. I’m pregnant with n3 and I’m really hoping it’ll be the easiest transition but I’ve been told it’s the hardest 😂

None to 1 is the hardest IMO
My first was a nightmare, and the first 6 weeks were utter hell. No sleep, no idea what I was doing and the thought of another terrified me.
Had second when DD was about 2.5years and was dreading the first few weeks but it was a breeze in comparison. Stuck DS in a sling and just got on with it. It may have been made easier by the fact he just slept whenever and wherever but he just slotted in with our already established(ish!) routine
I think once you have a second you're just a lot more relaxed. Sometimes baby may have to fuss for 30 seconds while you find your toddler the pink sparkly fairy penguin cup that she hasn't used for 18 months but she MUST drink from that day. You don't panic every time they wrinkle their nose funny or make a weird sound or do a funny coloured poo. You know it's all fine, because you've been there and you know that whatever phase they're in passes and you move onto the next challenge.

Mine are 9 and 6 now and yes, they do my head in daily, but I wouldn't swap them for the world ☺️

Congrats on your little one! Just take each day at a time and don't stress over the little things.

I think it depends on your lifestyle and pregnancy tbh.

For me it was harder going from one to two, because you have both to look after.
Two to three was a doddle really.

I think maybe it depends on the temperament of the children tbh.

For me, 0-1 was much, much easier than I'd been led to believe! I had friends and family warning me how difficult the first few months in particular are, how my life would change forever, I'd never get to have a wee in peace again and so on. And it wasn't like that at all. I absolutely loved caring for DS1, didn't feel like I was giving anything up (felt like why on earth would anyone want to do x y or z when they could be doing this? ). My life changed, but for the better, by far.

I expected 1-2 to be as straightforward. Christ, no! A colleague once joked that, 'One child is like having a pet, two is like running a zoo'. I was exhausted, never got to relax or have quiet for a second, struggled to get dressed and get DS1 to school let alone have any form of social life whatsoever - a trip to Aldi was like planning a military maneuver! I felt guilty every moment that DS1 wasn't getting enough attention, DS2 wasn't getting enough attention, my partner wasn't getting enough attention... But DS2 had reflux and never slept, which didn't help. However, DS1 was almost 7, so it should have been easier than a baby and a toddler, you'd think?

I love my kids beyond measure, but I wouldn't go through those early months of having two again for anything! I have friend who say that 2-3 is the hardest in their opinion as society is arranged around 2 child families - you need a new car, special offers are for 2 adults & 2 kids, holidays become harder... 3-4 and 4+ is a doddle in comparison, I am told, but I have no desire to find out

1-2 was a lot harder than 2-3. Going from 0-1 wasn't hard imo but my first was a dream baby sleeping through from 10 days old really quiet and half the time you didn't know he was there.

Mine are two years and four days apart. Nought to one was the hardest. I had no idea how demanding a baby could be and had one with bad silent reflux. The second one had extremely vomitty reflux but before having him, I had a clearer picture in my mind of how things would work because my experience with DS1 was that babies live upright in slings attached to their mums apart from nappy changes and feed constantly until they can sit up and play with toys by themselves. They also don't sleep unless they ate attached to a nipple. I was much better prepared for him. Also, I knew how to get him effective treatment and I'd worked out how DS1 could be looked after alongside this. If DS2'd had very different problems, it would have been harder but still not as hard as my first because I was still more prepared for how much a baby needs a person's attention.

I've got a 16 month gap. Going from 1 to 2 was very hard, didnt help second baby had horrendous reflux and didnt sleep at all at night. Instead slept all day whilst I had to entertain a 16 month old. Even now, they are 9 and 8 and the competitiveness and bickering between them is wearing. I'm more exhausted now !

OP for me there was a 15 month age gap, my dd 2 was born 10 weeks premature and had cerebral palsy etc so it hit me like a bus going from 1 to 2 dds , I think if my youngest had been healthy it wouldn't of been as hard. I't was such a shock to my system I told dh that I'd not be doing it again that I was a bad mum so he got a vasectomy. So 10 years later my husband hid bless him has a his vasectomy reversal and we are busy trying for dc 3! So there shall be 11/12 year gap luckily I'm only 32

Zero to 1 way harder (but the first 6 weeks weren't hell in either case, both just slept & fed at that age and were really portable. I found the hardest age 3-7months, when some babies start needing a bit more regular routine and naps etc, but it's hard to get the timing right so you can often end up with a frazzled overtired baby.

The second has been much easier. I'm used to less sleep & am much more confident about what to worry/not worry about it!

Oh and mine are just over 2.5 yrs apart. This made is much easier as DS is that bit more independent, he's toilet trained, can talk fluently, climb in and out of bath & car seat etc. It really helps