To ask, if you have two or more children

[Monkeynuts18]

Is it harder going from zero to one child or one child to two children?

I have one (14 weeks old) and it really has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The first 6 weeks was hell on earth - I’m not sure I can imagine doing it again. Is it easier a second time round? Or is it even harder because you have a baby plus another child to look after?

Just interested!

0-1 was the hardest for me . I was young and overwhelmed with the fact that all my attention and time was taken by a newborn. I can remember having to arrange for my mother to take my baby just to clean my kitchen cupboards. Now I have 6 kids and I can manage the best I ever have .

My experience is much the same as GettingABitDesperateNow but I really am negative when it comes to parenting!

It’s interesting that people say how much their life changed for the first.
Obviously it did, but because DD1 was easy, my life was easy. My house has never been tidier and I had more time to myself than at almost any other time in my adult life. I was at home with a baby who couldn’t make a mess yet, and who slept well and predictably which gave me loads of time to tidy, read, watch tv, and catch up on sleep. As she got bigger, and able to get toys out by herself, I tidied as we went along because I could.
With DD2, I spent most of my time trying to settle her, and the in between bits playing with DD1, or hearing her read, or doing basic domestic things like cooking. Things like tidying away toys was a hurried afterthought and my house descended into chaos. That was when I lived in a sleep deprived haze.
My life probably changed more with DD1 but it felt way more out of control with DD2.

In my case, zero to one was harder.

The hardest aspects for me - the broken nights' sleep, early starts, constant meal/snack preparation, a rigid routine - were already in place, so it didn't seem so much of a jump to go from one to two.

I also had two babies with reflux and while with the first baby it took months for it to get acknowledged and medicated properly, with the second I pretty much marched down to the doctor's immediately and demanded drugs Much easier for everyone involved!

0 to 1 child really really hard 1 to 2 to a breeze in comparison

I have three, and zero to one was definitely the biggest change and shock to my system! I felt like I couldn't get dressed and leave the house before about midday 😂 DC 2 and 3 were both csections, but despite this, each transition has been easier than the last and I love having three (the youngest is just 1).

0-1 I found so much fun and so easy, everything done at babies pace. 1-2 I found soooo hard. You can't nap when they are napping because the other child is awake. You still have to be up, dressed, done even if you've had no sleep at all because then other child needs to get up/get to nursery/school/be amused. Baby wants to play, cuddle, feed- tough older child needs to get to ballet, gym, swimming. Constantly feeling like neither child is getting enough. Found everything so much harder second time round.

0-1 was fucking hideous. I have three now and it's a breeze compared to those first 18 months with my first. I would never want to revisit that part of my life again, I was so thrown.

0-1

0-2 (twins). Insane. Life turned upside down.

2-3 incredibly hard because i'd expected it to be a breeze after 0-2. It wasn't.

I have 3, and I found going from 1 to 2 the hardest, even though my DC2 is by far the most chilled out of my children.

It wasn't hard on a practical level - as changing nappies and juggling everything was second nature - but emotionally I found it hard, as I felt I'd taken my time and attention away from my PFB. DC1 and 2 are firm friends, and DC1 certainly doesn't feel hard done by in any way so it was absolutely worth it, but I found it hard going at the time.

A bit of both I think. I was obviously better at the practicalities with my second, and less worried about a lot of things (e.g. development, weaning, health stuff). Also, there wasn't the adjustment to being a parent- loss of freedom etc. But I have quite a small age gap between my two and I was really very, very tired and emotionally weird at times after the second. I worried more about whether I loved the second properly and was less patient with her probably.

0-1 was a massive (but wonderful) change, 1-2 was a cinch.

I found 0-1 very hard, particularly as I had a tricky birth and tongue tied screaming reflux baby. I braved myself for a difficult time with 2 but 1-2 was easier than I expected, for the first year at least. My youngest is 20 months now and I’ve found the last 6 months really hard. However I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now! We have a 3 year age gap btw.

1-2 was harder for me as I had a newborn and 1 year old. Hardest by far has been 3-4 and if I’m being totally honest I probably would turn that clock back and stick at 3 as much as I love dd 4 I’m barely surviving now.

1-2 harder because we had to potty and sleep train the older one at the same time (3 year age gap)

@babybythesea

! I forgot to ask for the sleep function to be installed second time round and I think that’s where my problem lay.

That’s such a fundamental function: some might say essential to your enjoyment of the whole product!

I have found 1 - 2 really, really hard. Much harder than I thought it would be.

After rereading this thread, don't think any of us are really selling Parenthood

First was such a shock and found it really hard, having a second was much easier

0-1 is life changing. 1-2 is therefore easier.

I found it very hard going from 1 to 2. 22 months between my two, which I think makes a difference. I was definitely not prepared for it being as hard as I felt it was, mainly because EVERYONE told me how much easier it is second time around. I dont think that is helpful or realistic advice to give in all honesty! And it made me feel like shit when I was finding things tough.

Thank you very much for your responses - it’s been really interesting to read!

It seems to be about 60/40 in favour of it being easier second time - but as several posters have pointed out there are lots of variables like:

1. The birth and your health (this was a massive factor in me struggling for the first 6-8 weeks. Dealing with the physical and mental impact of a traumatic birth alongside the massive life change of having a baby was incredibly tough). So if you have a traumatic birth with one child and a decent one with another, that’s inevitably going to impact your perception of the ease of the transition.

1. The age gap between the kids.

1. The level of support you have.

1. The baby - if you have a colicky screamer the first time and a placid sleeper the second time it’s likely to feel easier the second time, and vice versa.

I’m no longer struggling in the way I was a few weeks ago but I still can’t imagine looking after my baby AND another child - yet so many people do it. And he isn’t even a particularly tricky baby!

Equally though, as many posters have said, with a second baby you won’t have the feeling of having been hit by a hurricane because you’ve already made the transition to parenthood. And thinking about the number of things I’ve worried about that I’d know not to worry about another time...!

2-3 was worst for me. The third didn’t like sleep and I suddenly had more kids than hands. 😅

My first baby was very difficult, didn't sleep more than 1-2 hours at a time, collicky, needy, etc. and baby 2 (now 4 months) has been a dream in comparison. Sleeps so well and hardly cries!

But having baby 2 is still harder. Because baby 1 is now a difficult toddler, tantrumming and needing attention/entertainment all the time, etc.