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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

310 replies

beethebee · 05/11/2019 18:46

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 06/11/2019 08:48

Mine are adults now, but I let them both have a day off every term, all the way through school. One at a time, never together , it was just "a day off with Mum" since I worked a lot of weekends and they often didn't have a day with me for weeks. Sometimes we'd go somewhere like a gallery or an exhibition , or a nice park . Those days were lovely and we all looked forward to them.

I might add that this never affected their school work - they both did well and now have excellent jobs. So it didn't destroy their lives or their work ethics to have "A Day Off with Mum".

Sparklingbrook · 06/11/2019 09:04

I bet there are a few teachers reading this like Hmm.

justmyview · 06/11/2019 09:13

just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'

So, nothing like a mental health day. He just fancies a lazy relaxing day off school. No way would I pander to that. In the real world, you don't get to take a day off work whenever you don't fancy going in

Acciocats · 06/11/2019 09:43

@ShippingNews very different scenario in your case because you were working at weekends and as you say, your children often didn’t have a day with you ‘for weeks’

The OP’s ds does masses of sports outside of school and then she fills up the one free day at the weekend. The Sunday could be the day they chill, go to a gallery, picnic in the park or whatever. It’s really weird to prioritise filling up all free time and then feel the need to take a day off school. Besides, there’s no suggestion that the OP would also be taking the day off to visit a gallery or similar with him- he’s saying he wants the day to ‘get himself together.’ If he genuinely needs this time it’s because his life is too filled up with stuff outside school.

Why the frenetic activity? Give the poor lad a break by cutting some of that, not taking a day off school

koshkat · 06/11/2019 10:22

As a parent with a child with real MH issues this just makes me think WTAF. Some people have no fucking idea about real mh issues and are just jumping on the bandwagon for a bit of a skive.

Wow. You have no idea how this child feels or how his mental state is.
This is not a competition FFS. Your post is very offensive.

zingally · 06/11/2019 10:40

My first question would be why Thursday in particular? You'd think a Friday or a Monday would be a much more obvious choice.

My gut answer would be "no chance". Adults don't get to take a day off for feeling a bit "meh", without there being consequences (whether that's lost pay, or just more to catch up with on the return).

And also, I'd feel like this was the first step in school becoming something optional.

Plus, he's literally just had half term.

Perhaps, PERHAPS, I'd agree to him taking the day before Christmas break off. But a mid-week day? Right after a holiday? No chance.

mummysherlock · 06/11/2019 11:33

Absolutely not. As others have said a precedent will be set and it won’t be a one off. If he is genuinely too poorly (physically or mentally) to attend school then he is also too poorly to do his favourite sports. He doesn’t just get to pick a day he would like off just because his favourite activity isn’t on that day and/or the subjects he isn’t keen on are on that particular day.
If he is secondary age and NT he surely didn’t need to be in holiday clubs every day of half term even if parents are working - in fact the ones where I am cater for primary children only and a few for teens with SEND as the majority of secondary age kids should be able to manage by themselves at home for a few hours. He could have had some chill out time then.
I would get him to sack off meeting friends this Sunday and let him have a duvet day then, also if his sports are making him tired then you both need to sit down and consider scaling back.

FizzyIce · 06/11/2019 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stayathomer · 06/11/2019 11:49

In the real world, you don't get to take a day off work whenever you don't fancy going in

No, but they go online and plan a few days off, or a holiday. I think if it isn't something that's going to happen regularly and the reason isn't an exam or something he should be at, then it's one day and it is mature of him to not lie or fake a sickie.

stayathomer · 06/11/2019 11:51

Ps mental health has degrees, I have a brother that talks to himself and bangs off walls and ive had some interesting low times myself but I don't tell people who are feeling low in themselves that it's lesser, anything to do with your general mental well being is mental health

Fizbo · 06/11/2019 12:17

I would let him have the day but be clear it is a one off.
Every year if we had good attendance our parents would sign us out of school for one day in December at 11 am for the 'dentist' and take us Christmas shopping and for a nice lunch.
They did shift work so we didn't have normal weekends.
We did ok and knew it was a real treat that could easily be revoked.
Also this was in the 90's so things were a bit different.

BuildBuildings · 06/11/2019 12:19

Maybe you need to re think weekends? They sound busy.

Bigbigboots · 06/11/2019 12:23

I'd let him get his head together in Saturday and then again on Sunday.

Acciocats · 06/11/2019 12:31

@Fizbo similar situation to @ShippingNews
Your parents did shift work, you didn’t have weekends together so they made a considered choice to take you out of school early once a year for shopping and lunch.

The OP isn’t suggesting a day out with her ds. She said he wants time off to ‘get himself together’ Poor lad has no down time with Sundays spent doing relatives and friends stuff. The solution is not a random day off school, it’s creating a better balance in his life

koshkat · 06/11/2019 12:33

Fizbo how lovely that must have been.

With anxiety, depression and stress rates up so much in our teens in particular, we should listen to what they are telling us. I am dismayed at some of the comments here.

Acciocats · 06/11/2019 12:38

Exactly koshkat

The OP needs to listen to her son. He’s doing way too much. He may indeed love all the sport, but if that’s taking up time several nights a week and a whole day at the weekend the poor lad needs a day at the weekend to just chill.

People are just disagreeing with the OPs ‘solution’ of taking a random Thursday off school, not with the fundamental point of the lad being stressed. One day off is not a ‘solution’, the OP needs to rethink his packed lifestyle

Boysey45 · 06/11/2019 12:38

Kids have weeks of school holidays every year.
I don't think they need an extra day off unless they are ill.
Finish with the sports OP, the priority is his education really.

koshkat · 06/11/2019 12:42

Yes I understand that but maybe also his sport is an outlet for the academic pressure he may be under. Sport is good for mental health.

But yes - downtime is a must for everyone.

superfandango · 06/11/2019 12:58

No, but they go online and plan a few days off, or a holiday.

Like the 13 weeks of holidays built into the academic year and the two days off built into every week?

koshkat · 06/11/2019 13:03

Such empathy. Hmm

GirlinRome · 06/11/2019 13:41

I think people here need to calm tf down. Nothing major is going to happen if he takes one day off, especially as he seems committed to extra curriculars and school normally. When I was at school I used to pull a sickie every now and then, my mum definitely knew I was lying but usually let it pass, and I always felt in a much more positive state of mind afterwards! As long as he's mature enough to know it's a one off - in yr 11 he should be - and it can't happen all the time, don't really see the problem. It's easy to forget as adults with real jobs that sometimes school can seem really overwhelming for teenagers and you just need a day to take a breather.

koshkat · 06/11/2019 14:16

Exactly GirlinRome.

TryingToBeBold · 06/11/2019 15:45

@GirlinRome he isn't year 11. He's 11 years old and only just started secondary school so would be year 7.

Confusedbeetle · 06/11/2019 15:46

No I wouldnt

OttomanUmpire · 06/11/2019 16:03

I agree that it is quite mature of him to approach you and explain that he’s not feeling great and ask permission rather than just pulling a sickie which would be the obvious tactic. No suggested response to his request but just wanted to agree with you on that point!

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