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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

310 replies

beethebee · 05/11/2019 18:46

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PavlovaFaith · 06/11/2019 21:19

No, if he's really unwell (mental or otherwise) they'll send him home.

SparklyShoesandTutus · 06/11/2019 21:34

I haven't read the full thread so may be repeating some of what has been said but based on the bits I have read my thoughts appear to go against the majority. I think for an 11 year old to have the level of self awareness that they need a break is quite impressive and shows a level of maturity that many 11 year olds don't possess. Personally I would respond and encourage this self awareness. Agree to consider the day off but on the basis he use it to think about how he can reduce the pressure/extra curricular activity so that he doesn't need to take 'mental health days' from school to maintain his mental wellbeing. I understand that there are many who have children who have diagnosed or complex mental health issues but I do not feel that excludes the rest of the population from needing to take days to support their own mental well being call them what you will. There is plenty of evidence that supports people taking days to support their own mental well being both children and adults. This only becomes problematic when it becomes a regular occurrence and causes people to become beyond with their responsibilities/commitments or is used as an avoidance technique

SparklyShoesandTutus · 06/11/2019 21:36

This only becomes problematic when it becomes a regular occurrence and causes people to become behind with their responsibilities/commitments sorry autocorrect

palaceinthesky · 06/11/2019 21:50

Yes I would! I give my kids one special day off each school year. They are really young still but they love having a day off to hang out with me - we go to the zoo or theme park or just stay home in our PJ's and watch movies or play on the iPad. Their choice. My mom did that for me growing up and it was the best!!

Devora13 · 06/11/2019 22:18

While I have to say I wouldn't reject the concept of a mental health day during a particularly stressful time, I'd want to be instilling the idea of priorities.
School sets the scene for future work and being responsible. If you had to earn a living, you wouldn't be viewed very well by your employer if you threw a sicky on a weekday to ensure you had enough energy to pursue your hobbies at the weekend.

NaomiFromMilkShake · 06/11/2019 22:24

My DS was allowed one "migraine" type headache, once a term and only for one day, if he picked up a concussion at rugby and needed a day off, then that cancelled out the once a term headache.

Because he knew he had that safety valve he rarely used it.

BBOA · 06/11/2019 22:43

I really agree with others. It wouldn't be the last time. My dd has struggled start of secondary school and she's asked to stay off a few times. We even postponed some surgery as now not the right time. Have had to keep her going in otherwise will be constant.

Lovely13 · 06/11/2019 22:46

Yes give him some time. I had one that was a nightmare for years. Then he came good. First class degree etc. Was always tricky getting him to school. Or even out of bed....

ThatMuppetShow · 06/11/2019 22:48

My DS was allowed one "migraine" type headache, once a term and only for one day

as a migraine sufferer, I find that very weird!

alwaysmovingforwards · 06/11/2019 22:59

It would be a no from me. Part of life is learning to cope. Relax in the evenings or on the weekends.

LolaSmiles · 06/11/2019 23:02

My DS was allowed one "migraine" type headache, once a term and only for one day

I'm with ThatMuppetShow. It's very weird. As a migraine sufferer I find this really annoying. People regularly seem to think migraine is a convenient excuse for a day off here and there.

Then again what this thread shows us is that people are all too happy to take whatever medical label or mental health label they can to justify having a duvet day, leaving people with very real conditions having to challenge misconceptions and misinformation. Of course none of that actually matters as long as people can have a lie in and a lazy day.

lyralalala · 06/11/2019 23:06

The Thursday thing isn’t so random when you look at all the details together

Thursday and Friday are the only days he has no afterschool commitments so they are the least skivey days to miss

The OP has someone doing work in the house on Friday so wouldn’t be a relaxing day

Not random at all. The issue is that the lad can’t look at the week and see relaxing opportunities at the weekend

Tellmetruth4 · 06/11/2019 23:08

I think a pre-planned ‘mental health day’ minimises real MH issues. Being a bit tired and down means you have a weekend lie in. It doesn’t mean skive off school/work on Thursday.

noodledoodler · 06/11/2019 23:20

The first thing I thought/asked myself when I read this was what games are being released on thursday? There are a few biggies coming out this week. Is he a gamer at all OP?

ChristmasConcert · 06/11/2019 23:30

I get fed up with people talking about 'mental health days'. If he's having a really awful stressy time etc then maybe - as an absolute one-off, ever - (unless signed off by GP) but agree with PPs that children these days seem to lack resilience and they need to understand that life can be hard and we can't just take days off to get our head together or because we feel 'meh'!

If he's struggling - talk to school. If it's to do with all the extra curricular sports - reduce them. But skiving off school is not acceptable, and MH days are not a thing!

ThatMuppetShow · 06/11/2019 23:33

But skiving off school is not acceptable, and MH days are not a thing!
no, but let's be honest, kids have try to skive off school since schools started.

Footiefan2019 · 06/11/2019 23:42

I used to do this very occasionally maybe once a year, but I’d tell my mum I felt ill with a headache and just have a massive chill for a day... maybe she knew I was faking but it never hurt my education

stayathomer · 07/11/2019 01:51

The issue is that the lad can’t look at the week and see relaxing opportunities at the weekend

This is a really good point and something we should all look at really

supermommyof4 · 07/11/2019 02:08

I'm a big believer in mental health being very important..much more so than one day off school.
I wouldnt have a problem with it at all.

Neeb1 · 07/11/2019 06:56

Yes, I think this makes perfect sense. My daughters in addition to school have after school language classes and before school music practices. All day sat music college and again practices on Sunday. I have been known to give a mental health day every now and again of my own accord. It has never been misused or become once a week! Go for it.

Loopytiles · 07/11/2019 07:00

You seem to be prioritising extra curricular stuff over education. Not sensible unless he has v high sporting promise.

TitsInAbsentia · 07/11/2019 08:48

I agree with @Nearly47 that it sounds like something he is trying to swerve.

And you should think carefully about how you are setting him up for life - despite all the chatter about mental health in the workplace at the moment it's still a rare place that allows you to take a mental health day off.

Sounds more like you need to unload the weekend schedule if he needs downtime, that's what I have to do!

nicky7654 · 07/11/2019 09:26

Your Son has only just started Secondary School. It is totally unacceptable to allow him days off when he has the evenings and weekends. If he has too many after school clubs then cut some out. An eleven year old should be full of energy etc and basically he wants to skive.

FaridaK · 07/11/2019 11:56

Why shouldn't he have a day off? The things he will miss at school for a day can be caught up on but if he feels he needs a break and not going about it through faking illness etc . Then you should respect his wishes. He has approached it in a grown up manner you should respond similarly.

B9ddy · 07/11/2019 12:16

Mental health means learning to adapt and cope not hiding away
If you let him he will keep doing it