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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

310 replies

beethebee · 05/11/2019 18:46

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DontMakeMeShushYou · 05/11/2019 18:57

How would being off on Thursday help him though? At my kids' secondary they would need to email the teachers and ask for the work they've missed so they can complete it at home, so no extra rest time.

And as others have said, why Thursday? Why so soon after half-term?

TeenPlusTwenties · 05/11/2019 18:57

Sounds like he should do less sports and you should plan some quiet weekends. Surely those things need to give before taking a day off school?

churchandstate · 05/11/2019 18:57

You really need to build in time for relaxing at the weekend, rather than allowing him to see education as opt-out, so he can exhaust himself doing sports. My answer would be, no, if you’re that tired, you miss training.

Sparklingbrook · 05/11/2019 18:57

I wouldn't let him. It's not real life is it?
Maybe he should forgo the Saturday sports instead.

Apolloanddaphne · 05/11/2019 18:57

Absolutely not. Sets a terrible precedent. You go to school/work unless you are actually sick.

callmeadoctor · 05/11/2019 18:57

Yep not a good idea, cut down on stuff at the weekend if he needs "me" time.

PotteringAlong · 05/11/2019 18:57

Maybe don’t see friends on Sunday instead then?

FruitSaladSandwich · 05/11/2019 18:58

Can’t he have a day off from his weekend activities rather than missing school?

Saltycinnamon · 05/11/2019 18:58

Also not keen on people lumping in feeling a bit ‘meh’ with poor mental health. It trivialises mental health issues.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 05/11/2019 18:58

Tomorrow he has team training for his favourite sport and definitely wouldn't want to miss it.

Okay so the being tired is a load of bull then.

implantsandaDyson · 05/11/2019 18:58

Nope if he's tired and needs some time to do nothing which he may well do, I have 2 at secondary including one the same age then he knocks some of the extra curricular stuff on the head not the actual education he's supposed to be receiving. It's taking the piss slightly asking for a particular day off because he's not doing a sports club that he likes.

Original poster
beethebee · 05/11/2019 19:00

Yes, he does a lot of sports in and out of school and has team training for 2 different sports atm, but he loves it and I reckon it also helps with his stress levels which were pretty high before half term (which was a couple of weeks ago).

He was in a sports club for half term not 'off' as I work FT.

OP posts:
BlueCornsihPixie · 05/11/2019 19:00

So if he needs a day to recuperate then he needs to cancel something at the weekend and have the day then

Howtotrainyourhamster · 05/11/2019 19:00

I feel tired and meh regularly in the morning but I still go to work - it’s called real life!

There is no way I’d let my child take a random day off because they didn’t feel like going in. That is not setting them up for the world of work, which is reality, and if he’s just started secondary school it sets a bad precedent and will possibly be a slippery slope.

Having a rest is the purpose of the weekend - tell him he just has to wait until the weekend like everyone else.

thebellsofsaintclements · 05/11/2019 19:00

Go for it OP! I do this once in a while (2-3 times a year) and mine never get sick - i think it really helps recharge their batteries and they know not to push it. Some of their classmates get sick a lot more than that - exhaustion really can contribute!

Of course it's a lot harder to do this if you work FT though....

sluj · 05/11/2019 19:01

Oh dear, if he needs time to get his head together, you need to drop some of the extra-curricular stuff. School is the one thing that's not optional.

Sparklingbrook · 05/11/2019 19:01

I agree with @Saltycinnamon, it's nothing to do with mental health, feeling tired and a bit 'meh'. Have an early night maybe.

Leeds2 · 05/11/2019 19:01

It sounds to me like there is a reason he has chosen Thursday. Otherwise, he surely would've asked to stay home tomorrow. I would try and get to the bottom of that.
Also, as a PP has said, surely he has just had half term to have a rest.

itsgettingweird · 05/11/2019 19:02

Usually I'd say I get it.

But he's planning on taking a day that doesn't affect his want to do sport. He can't be that tired if he can manage 2 more days and sport with it.

So. The answer is no, if you are tired miss sport, if you know you're tired have early nights the next 2 days so you don't need Thursday off.

However, I'd also check it's really tiredness he wants time off for. The fact he's picked a certain day I'd be more concerned there's something that day he's trying to avoid.

BlueCornsihPixie · 05/11/2019 19:02

If he's missing school because he's too tired to go in he needs more downtime

He needs to do less sport. It's obviously not helping with his stress levels because they were sky high only a couple of weeks ago, and less than 2 weeks after half term he needs a day off from school because he's too tired to go in

Tellmetruth4 · 05/11/2019 19:04

No. You’re setting a bad precedent. He’ll also tell his friends.

He’s just done half term so he can’t be that knackered.

Original poster
beethebee · 05/11/2019 19:04

Yeah that's fair. He does get tired with sports. We have 2 days a week when we're out 7.30 in the morning to 7 at night. I took his 'tired and meh' to really mean 'feeling a bit stressed', as his class is very full-on.

Maybe I'll tell him he has to ditch his Saturday training this week and do my usual Saturday morning chores with me instead. That'll make him rethink Grin.

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 05/11/2019 19:05

Tomorrow he has team training for his favourite sport and definitely wouldn't want to miss it.

Well he obviously doesn’t fell too ‘tired and meh’ if he doesn’t want to miss his favourite sport tomorrow. The very fact that he’s being selective about his ‘mental health’ day would have me kicking his arse into school.

MyNewBearTotoro · 05/11/2019 19:05

It sounds like his days are too busy with after-school sports and then you pack the weekends full too. The answer isn’t to take a day off school, if it’s too much he needs to drop some of the sports. School is not optional, everything else is, so of course he shouldn’t miss it just so he can have a busy weekend. That’s no lesson - I’m a teacher, I have diagnosed mental health issues and would love a midday week day off but that’s not realistic. If I’m feeling overloaded the first thing I would do is reduce my evening and weekend plans - a day off work is a last resort as should be a day off school.

Cancel your plans for the weekend and make sure you give him a couple of days to just chill if that’s what he needs, but don’t let him burn himself out with sport to the point that he needs days off school!

WorraLiberty · 05/11/2019 19:06

just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'.

Whatever gave him the idea that would be ok? Confused

He he wants to 'get himself together', he had two days in which to do so - Saturday and Sunday.

Calling it a 'Mental health day', makes it sound ridiculously officious.

Pander to this now and you'll regret it. It won't be one-off.

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