To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

[beethebee]

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

I think this one is up to you Op - you know your son best. I think he’s been very mature to not lie to you & to be honest. Of course you want him to get good grades etc, but if there’s a bigger issue here he needs some space & support

What reason would you give the school for his absence, OP?

I probably would. We get "duvet days" at work.

My DM wouldn't have allowed it, so we just feigned sickness. Surprisingly enough, we only had to heave in front of a teacher and claim we had been sick to be sent home for 2 days...

No duvet days or MH days here, and l’m very soft mum and DD is our precious only child with additional needs.

In this situation she would go to bed earlier, I would bring her warm milk, sit with her chatting or even read her a story. I would put her morning alarm on 10 minutes later and help her with morning routine but then she’ll go to school.
Since the beginning of secondary we plan much less for weekends. If she’s tired she’ll miss her much loved after school activity.

We do mental health days here. Hugely important imo.

I would give him a day off (we all need a day of doing nothing once in a while) but I would also be making sure there isn't something else going on that he hasn't told you about.

I really don’t understand this. Don’t schoolchildren get thirteen weeks worth of mental health days every year?

However, I will take comments on board and tell him he can have Saturday off sports and do jobs with me instead.

Why would he be doing jobs with you?

He's outright told you he needs a rest. He's asked for a day of doing nothing.

Why do you feel the need to pack every day? Let the lad have a break.

I definitely agree with lyralalala.
If Saturday is to be his day off, instead of Thursday, let it really be a day off. Not just being made to do something else.

If I took a MH and declared it as that I’d be sent to OH and hounded out of the door.

If he’s tired and needs to get himself together he should have a few nights and a Saturday off sports. If he misses school he’s missed work he needs to catch up on. My 2 do sports 5 times a week but they know that if school starts slipping, the sport is the first thing to go, not the other way round,

My ds does this. Not very often, maybe twice a year. I go with it. He gets really run down and emotional and I leave him to have a duvet day. Does him the world of good and he's ready to go back the next day. I figure that when he is working he will most likely be able to take leave on odd days if he needs it so I don't mind too much now. I would rather that than he get totally run down and poorly.

I've did this too OP for my DC who worked really hard/had packed timetables&sporting commitments .. its been nothing but positive.I'd tag it onto the weekend if he's up for it so he gets 3 days in a row-nice.People underestimate the toll a fully packed schedule, incessant noise and pressure can take on mental health&then wonder why kids are burnt out and drugging or have anxiety and depression or socially withdrawn and completely unable to cope- I see it all the time at work. I know i really struggled as a teen which just led to me truanting for years. My completely unsympathetic,draconian parents insisted i get used to it as it was preparation for the real world lol..no cigarG

First thought, maybe he should cut some of the sport instead?

I would and have for dd3.
She works flat out at school, she is dyslexic and does plenty of after school stuff.

I'm surprised you're not even curious about why he's chosen thursday! In all likelihood there's a specific someone he's trying to avoid. It's your job to find this stuff out and help him, not give yourself brownie points because you want to celebrate his maturity!

In my personal experience this means he has not done an important project or piece of homework that’s due. Investigate!

If he’s feeling tired, downscale his social stuff instead. Don’t see friends this Sunday. His ‘mental health’ should take priority over your social life.

School should be top priority not bottom.

People underestimate the toll a fully packed schedule, incessant noise and pressure can take on mental health&then wonder why kids are burnt out and drugging or have anxiety and depression or socially withdrawn and completely unable to cope- I see it all the time at work.
Surely if you see the impact of a totally packed schedule at work and all its negative consequences, you'd ensure your child didn't have a totally packed timetable?

Rather than seeing the effect of a totally packed timetable and then deciding that some time off school when understandably tired is the solution.

At what point do we say to parents they should probably alter the root cause of their child being overworked and tired because they're the adults who should know better?

Give the boy a break! But not by taking a day off school. You’re packing too much into weekends. If he’s very sporty and loves all the clubs and training that’s one thing, but why fill every Sunday up with relatives and friends? Sounds like he needs a day to just chill, be by himself or just with immediate family, no fixed plans. He doesn’t need a day off school to do that- you just need to not fill his life up so frenetically.

Agree with pp that it’s a slippery slope... once you agree to a day off he’ll expect this every time he’s feeling a bit meh.

crispysausagerolls Absolutely!

No, your plan for Saturday is a good one. I'd use the time to find out why he is feeling stressed and meh about school. He can't just take the day off and focus on his sports instead, that's a shit message if he's allowed. Understanding what's going on with him is important though.

Nope. Very bad precedent and not something he will be able to do later in life once he has a job.

Completely agree with WagtailRobin:
I would give him a day off (we all need a day of doing nothing once in a while) but I would also be making sure there isn't something else going on that he hasn't told you about.

I would do it for my kids

We took an active decision to scale back the activities once ours were in secondary school. its a jam packed schedule as it is (mine also have saturday sports) and they need downtime.

But this needs to happen in the evening and at weekends, not during school time.

Its very easy to get caught up in the pride of "oh they've been picked for this team and that team and the music teacher says they have great potential and they just love performing in drama club and it will be great for their confidence and swimming is an essential life skill so we can't possibly drop anything" but those are the kids who burn out, act up and do end up with poor mental health. If he's frazzled you scale back evening and weekend activity and build in downtime.