To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

[beethebee]

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

Not if he is feeling a 'bit meh', that's the physical equivalent of a bit of a cold. If he was seriously stressed etc then sure.

This is coming from someone whose mum let her have these mental health/duvet days at school and it did me NO favours. Had to work really hard to build resilience in the workplace and not take sick days and basically be a right skiver.

He sounds mature yes but maybe make sure he has a day to himself at the weekend instead? That seems like the better long term solution.

He needs one down day per week

"Sunday we're usually busy with friends"
So cut that out and let him chill on Sundays

Don't increase his stress by making him swap sport for chores this Saturday
Chores are not downtime

Personally, I would give him. Saturday and Sunday off. Does he have to come with you to see friends or train? His week is too packed with no downtime. Why does he need a Thursday off when he has been back at school a week and a half at most? Relaxed weekends will be more beneficial.

Agree with PP that in this case it sounds like between school & activities, his schedule is unsustainable and needs to be adjusted.

That said, as long as he's generally conscientious about school, I don't see anything wrong with taking an occasional mental health day. My parents let us do it, and I never took more than one or two a year because I knew if I pushed too hard, the option would go away. Plenty of adults take an occasional personal day off work to give themselves a break. I'd say he'll be well served later in life if he learns now that, yes, he can take a day off once in a while without letting it become more than that.

I gave my dc mental health days. I believe they are helpful.

Maybe reassessing his schedule would be helpful?

Very good for him to be proactive.

The fact that he’s come to you and asked says a lot about him! I would definitely let him have the day off OP, everyone needs done down time and it looks like he has a very busy schedule! It’s so difficult to maintain that! Hope he is ok!

In principal I see no issue with a child who needs a mental health day taking one but that is not what you’ve described here.

You’ve described a boy who’s basically sought approval to bunk off. There’s nothing wrong with him. He’s just had half term. He’s motivated to do things he enjoys. And he’s picked the day that suits him. Complete nonsense. If this was a job he would get sacked.

YABU

Have a family pyjama day on Sunday.
That's what Sunday's are for....having a mental health down day

What exactly is he having a day off from? The day off whilst is physically off school is really just a metaphor for being day off from something that he finds difficult or mentally challenging or something which he is avoiding. These are issues which need addressing not just taking respite from.

I’m amazed at the number of parents who’d let their children skive off for no good reason. It’s not a mental health day - Mental Health needs exercise, a self belief that you can face minor challenges and cope and success. Skiving is not the way. It breeds a culture that believes lying around or playing computer games is in some way healthy. It really isn’t. If we allow eleven year olds to opt out on a whim, no wonder they’re so many struggling teenagers.
Three days of sport I see good not excessive. They should all be doing an hour’s exercise every day as a minimum.
Being tired is good. It allows better sleep at the right time, assuming phones are removed about 8pm.
I imagine sports on three nights is for about an hour and half? Hardly excessive.

Lots of people here being quite dismissive about mental health which is surprising given the issue around MH especially in young men.

Feeling under the weather mentally is just as valid as a physical feeling. It's not 'skiving' at all.

I think it's a bit shit for people to be making comments dismissing it. School isn't the most important thing for your child...

Your DS sounds very mature OP and kudos to him for being honest. I'd say yes

cherry
I'm sadly not surprised.
There are some students I've worked with who've had lower than 90% attendance made up of odd single days off (90% is one day off a fortnight). No serious issues, just didn't fancy coming in, too tired, was up late.
What was worse was fielding phone calls from parents wanting to complain about colleagues for their child's performance in tests, set moves and so on. They honestly felt colleagues should be giving catch-up tuition and their child should be exempt from class moves, and blamed any lack of performance on poor teaching rather than their child missing 2/5 of the lessons.

Thankfully they're in the minorty.

My parents very rarely probably about once per year would say oh let's have a day off . Never did me any harm but as long as it's very rarely

Why can’t you not meet with friends on a Sunday?
If he needs a day why not just use Sunday to be with family at home and he can go upstairs on his room if he wants alone time
I think if you couldn’t cancel seeing your friends for one weekend then I would think you would be rather selfish - sorry

To me, the very fact he has asked you means he thinks you would say yes. So he potentially thinks this could happen more and more. Mine would never ask as they know what my response would be. Absolutely no, unless they are really ill.

I would want to know what's going to happen on Thursday that he wants to miss though. Fight at school perhaps?

No, absolutely not.

How about ditching something at the weekend as that’s the time to rest and recharge.

Good lord, what’s going to happen when we all decided to take Thursday off to get ourselves together. He’s 11! What’s he going to be like at 16? He’ll be on permanent bed rest by the time he’s 25!

Feeling under the weather mentally is just as valid as a physical feeling. It's not 'skiving' at all.

Yes, but the point is he doesn’t appear to be feeling too under the weather for a sport he enjoys on Wednesday but is planning to feel under the weather on Thursday. Wanting to skive, pure and simple and Mum is dressing it up as a mental health day as it sounds better.

I can see the temptation but it could set a precedent. I would also be concerned there might be an underlying worry.
I would cancel any weekend plans and have a really chilled "do nothing" weekend instead.

Flakey millennial parenting. Send him in otherwise you will make a rod for your own back.

dc3 who I kept at home several times in year 5, is now in year 10. Academically top in her year. She got moved to a different school for year 6, and she never asked again.
My niece was also on occasions kept at home for "no reason". She is now a doctor.

but yes, I knew there was a problem at school, and that was the reason we moved her. But I did not want to move her in the middle of the school year.

I would say no, because I dont believe a day off for feeling 'meh' is necessary for mental health. I have plenty of mental health issues, I would never describe them as feeling meh. I feel meh every day, that's just doing stuff you don't want to do, which is life.

I would also point out to him that a day getting behind on work is going to have repercussions that could raise stress levels and make him feel worse.

You're right that he has been mature in asking you, so I would tell him that and make sure he knows he can come to you, but that on this occasion you think it's for the best for him to push on and maybe arrange something nice for him to look forward to in exchange.

Feeling under the weather means it’s time to arrange for a quiet weekend not take a day of school - which also happens to be the only do you don’t have something you enjoy at school.