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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

310 replies

beethebee · 05/11/2019 18:46

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ForalltheSaints · 05/11/2019 19:55

OP I think you have made the correct decision.

One factor which may contribute towards feelings of stress and/or lethargy at this time of year is that (certainly in the UK) it is dark shortly after school ends. Whilst we persist in the idiocy of putting clocks back in winter, perhaps a plan for how to better thrive (or survive happily) in November should be thought of.

FunOnTheBeach20 · 05/11/2019 19:56

No-don’t be soft. Life is tiring and “meh” teach him some resilience!

ThatMuppetShow · 05/11/2019 19:56

You need to clear his weekends if they are too much for him - fair enough he needs sport but he should be able to chill at home on Sundays.

lightdirect · 05/11/2019 19:56

I think this is a really unhelpful idea. It is actually the sort of thing that can lead to anxiety, rather than prevent it- by encouraging avoidance rather than your son realising that despite worries about stress he can resolve these, and develop coping mechanisms.

Also, I am all in the spirit of mental health awareness and parity of esteem with physical health....but feeling 'tired and meh' with a physical illness (such as a mild cold) isn't a reason to be off either.

Help your son come up with a long term solution, like a day of activities he enjoys, and a day of low key relaxing at the weekend.

avocadoze · 05/11/2019 19:56

Hating the fact that mental health issues are being equated to having a duvet day, as it trivialises the real challenges of living with anxiety, depression or other diagnosed disorders.

MillicentMartha · 05/11/2019 19:57

Also, it’s his first year in secondary. He should have had a proper break at half term. If he’s 11 he’s old enough to stay at home on his own and chill. He shouldn’t have been doing a holiday club.

You really mustn’t make school ‘optional.’ You might get him school refusing.

BeardedMum · 05/11/2019 19:57

I have let my children have duvet -days at times. I think everyone needs it.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 05/11/2019 19:58

I gave dd a down day once. It actually worked wonders. However, it was at the point of panic attacks and with the support of her teachers. It's probably not something you want ds to cherry pick.

shrumps · 05/11/2019 19:58

No. He's skiving.

Amanduh · 05/11/2019 19:59

If a year 7 needs a ‘break’ after a few days at school then there’s a problem that needs sorting somewhere.. Sounds like he does too much.

shushymcshush · 05/11/2019 19:59

Hard to say. You know your child better than we do.

He's come to you and explained feelings to you, I think its a fine balance to be had between not letting him pull a fast one, but also not poo-pooing his feelings of "meh" and "get himself together". What exactly does that mean? "Meh" might be his way of explaining something much deeper than we can interpret on here.

CherryPavlova · 05/11/2019 20:01

Definitely a slippery slope if he wants to play hooky at 11. It’s definitely not good for mental health. Learning to persevere is good for building resilience.
It gives a really inappropriate message about the importance of school.

3weemonkeys · 05/11/2019 20:02

It sounds like his weekends are busy too so no breathing space. I would address that first before allowing time off school to rest and get some headspace. You are right, he is being very honest and mature and probably in his own way, is asking for a less busy schedule. Well done him for not faking illness. It sounds like he is trustworthy which is lovely so you could work out together how to make his free time more restful.

Boysey45 · 05/11/2019 20:02

No hes legging it and he has the weekend to recover. If hes tired he needs to look at all those after school sports and knock some or all of them on the head.

TwoMuchTwoYoung · 05/11/2019 20:07

No way would I ever let this happen.
Like you say give him time off his sports on Saturday but a proper break don't make him do chores!

CentralPerkMug · 05/11/2019 20:10

Its very clear that the packed weekends are the problem here. You say he doesn't get downtime on a Sunday because you like to catch up with friends?? I would give him this weekend off. That doesn't mean make him do chores like you are suggesting, why on earth would you do that? You are concerned by his mental health so plan to make him miss the sport he loves to do chores? No! You do the chores, let him mooch around all weekend chilling.

I would be very concerned personally if my child felt they needed time off so soon into a new term/after the half term break.

superfandango · 05/11/2019 20:11

If something has to give it's your busy weekends, not his regular schooling. He's asking you for a rest, it is your job to make sure he can in a way that doesn't impact his education.

BlueMoon1103 · 05/11/2019 20:12

I’d let him, he’s been honest OP and if you minimise his MH he might not feel like he can trust you to come to again :/ children can be stressed and burnt out too. Secondary school is hard! Being 11 is hard! Give him a break, you’ve said he’s normally good and doesn’t have time off so let him have a day for himself.

RickOShay · 05/11/2019 20:12

Yanbu
I would let him

ksa103 · 05/11/2019 20:21

Yes, I would. It's so important to teach kids that looking after their mental health is as vital as looking after their physical health. My son had a couple of mental health welfare days during the first few months of secondary school: he actually decided to use them to study.
He also had some more in the run up to his GCSEs.

IrrationalIrational · 05/11/2019 20:26

I would dig a little deeper, if he’s struggling with his mood - fine give him the day off but certainly dig deeper Op

theendoftheendoftheend · 05/11/2019 20:28

Yes I would definitely.

brighteyeowl17 · 05/11/2019 20:31

If they cancelled school because they felt a bit meh what would you say?! H can’t be tired if he doesn’t want to miss his busier days?

LolaSmiles · 05/11/2019 20:34

KSA
I agree it's important to teach the importance of mental health, however the way to do that is to not fill your child's week with all sorts and then decide that bunking off school for a duvet day (dressed up as mental health to sound cool) is the solution.

An important element for good mental health and wellbeing is having balance in the right ways and time to chill out, so maybe the OP should start with the source of feeling a bit meh and tired, and get his schedule in order.

I've worked with students training at a high level and with release from school to train. Their clubs and training bodies insist they remain on top of their school work as part of the deal. Someone who's had days off for being meh wouldn't manage it

Sparklingbrook · 05/11/2019 20:35

Can you imagine if everyone at school and work just started taking 'MH' days whenever they felt like it?

'I am afraid your GP can't see you today they are a bit stressed so having a day off to unwind'

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