To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

[beethebee]

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

Mine’s also in Year 7 and to me it feels like he’s ‘just started,’ so there’s no way I would let him have a day off unless he was ill. If he needs to relax I wouldn’t plan anything for Sunday and let him chill out then.

So don't prioritise seeing friends and makes sure he has a day to chill out on sunday..

If he genuinely needs a day to recuperate he shouldn't be picking and choosing his days to suit himself

Only back from half term. Sounds like his weekend activities should be scaled back instead of missing school

If you think he's not dodging sothing then I'd say fine as a 1 off. Ut make it clear that if he needs another one you need to look at his schedule and unpack it.

I also think you need to look at your Sundays and consider that your child NEEDS down time and packing 7 days a week with Stuff isn't helping him

Absolutely not ok, you are enabling him to think he can stay stay home because he’s worth it.

No wonder so many people think its OK to take duvet days in the workplace and someone else will pick up the slack.

So he can manage with lots of clubs and training but needs to bunk off school because he's tired and doesn't fancy it?

That's not a mental health day and to brand it as such makes a mockery of all the students who really DO have mental health issues.

If he's overwhelmed then he needs to scale back on the enrichment, not be given duvet days.

You need to tackle the bigger issue of the full timetable out of school hours as the issue will only increase as he gets older and workload increases

FGS a mental health day. Really? He just fancies a day off and I don’t blame him. His life is pretty jam packed. Let him have the day off just make sure he knows it won’t be a regular thing. When I did it with my kids it was just called a sofa day.

I agree with the other posters saying you need to build downtime into his schedule. However, I'd also be inclined to let him do this one time. But with provisos - ie this is a one time deal AND the fact that he's struggling means that we'll do this as a short term measure but a longer term plan is going to be to work out what can be cut so he gets more downtime.

I'd assume there was a test or some homework due in. It's preplanned so he's avoiding something. Say no!

Alas, although I applaud his chutzpah, it would be a flat no from me.

He’s Year 7, so it’s a bad time to set this precedent. Half-term a d weekends are the opportunity to get downtime - that you and he chose/choose to fill them with sport is the issue.

Take a look at his overall schedule and adjust if need be but don’t set that precedent now, and explain why.

Definitely not no. Knock the friends on the head on Sundays if he never had a free day.

Weekend activities are optional so he can rest then, school is compulsory unless actually ill (and therefore unable to do sports either).

We had the earliest half-term I know of which was the week before last. There is a whole weekend he can rest and get himself together if you help to facilitate that. It sounds as though you were expecting everyone to reply and say yes, let him have a duvet day.

If the school environment is as difficult as you describe then you could look at alternatives.

Yes, If I could do the same with work, I would

School is only going to get more full on, don’t set a dangerous precedent now. Sounds like you need to clear your calendar for a lazy day on Sunday.

Maybe I'll tell him he has to ditch his Saturday training this week and do my usual Saturday morning chores with me instead

An excellent plan, beethebee.

I'd also see fewer friends on Sundays, and just let him stooge around.

You need to get to the bottom of this and quickly.

If he's happy to train for a sport he's not knackered.

If he "needs to get his head together" something (insignificant or otherwise) has happened which is playing on his mind.

I get that he feels a bit meh about school, we all get that feeling but we can't just take the day off to laze on the sofa and I do agree that you are setting a precedent.

If you do decide to let him stay at home then absolutely no devices, just sofa and TV. Buggering about on social media isn't going to do him any good.

Yes I would but if he asks again very soon, don't. If he asks again half way through next term, yes. We could all do with a day off for regrouping every so often. A Friday or Monday would be good - I think so anyway.

FWIW it’s worth my son said this Monday and Tuesday and we sent him in
He called twice sobbing from the nurse offices
So I don’t know really 🤷🏼‍♀️ And in his case it is a MH issue but he also feels shit

I salute all of the little year 7s who have got through their first term . It’s not easy . I went to pick him up and everyone had beards

Do what you think is best OP

He needs to miss weekend activities, not school.

What does 'feeling meh' mean?

Cancel the weekend stuff instead if he needs quiet time.

"Meh" indeed!

Yes, agree with most others. He just fancies a day off. If it was a story of being gradually worn down over some time I might be more sympathetic.

And also agree that you should look at his weekly schedule. School is not the thing that should be going because he's too tired