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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS a 'mental health' day off school?

310 replies

beethebee · 05/11/2019 18:46

My DS11 started secondary in September. He's doing fairly well despite a packed schedule and the teachers saying that his class is pretty tough to manage. He likes his teachers and they seem to like him.

He never really gets ill and hasn't had a sick day in years, but this week he's asked if he could have a day off on Thursday. He's not pretending to be ill or anything, just says he's feeling a bit tired and meh about school and wants a day to 'get himself together'. He doesn't have any tests or work due on Thursday.

I thought the way he approached it (not trying to fake anything) was pretty mature and I'm inclined to say ok and let him stay at home on Thursday on the understanding that it's a total one-off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mollpop · 05/11/2019 20:36

He doesn't need the day off. He wants it. I'd say no but let him know that you appreciate the way he went about asking

Alb1 · 05/11/2019 20:41

I don’t get why he has to miss Saturday sport to do jobs with you instead, why can’t he relax? It’s like a punishment. Or why can’t he not meet with friends on Sunday and relax then? If he wants to stay committed to his sports fine, he can relax Sunday? Or if he can’t face Saturday sports this week why punish with ‘jobs’?

reluctantbrit · 05/11/2019 20:42

No I wouldn't. If he is tired and stressed I would check if there is too much going on.

When DD started secondary last year it became clear very quickly that she had too many after school things going on to cope with the amount of homework and the sudden need to be more self-organised and independent.

We cut down on activities and made sure she had more time at the weekend to recharge properly.

That is the way forward, not giving in to days of when it fits his sport schedule.

Luna9 · 05/11/2019 20:43

I will, provided he is a responsible child; I am a bit soft though. My parents allowed it occasionally and me and my siblings turned out responsible and conscientious individuals.

Chewbecca · 05/11/2019 20:45

No, definitely not.

But please let him have Saturday and Sunday off once in a while. No threat of doing chores with you. No need to see friends every Sunday.

Just let him get up when he wakes and do exactly what he wants all day.

Codywolf · 05/11/2019 20:46

Yes I would and do for my own children
Sometimes that just need a day to relax and weekend can be as busy as a week day

SunshineAngel · 05/11/2019 20:47

Why Thursday specifically? If he is feeling so down, why not tomorrow? It sounds to me like there is something he doesn't want to do on Thursday, or some reason it has to be that day.

You don't book a day in advance for MH days. It depends on how you feel on the day.

Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely all for MH days for those who need them, BUT not just on a whim. If he has MH issues take him to the GP and get a diagnosis and professional help.

Young people get the weekends to recover from the week at school, plus every evening of the week, and this should certainly be enough.

Pud2 · 05/11/2019 20:47

Avoidance does not teach resilience.

kateandme · 05/11/2019 20:50

there is a reason it thursday.sorry this is far too mature speak,ur right.and that to me means he is using words he need to.there is something he is avoiding or something going on on thursday.but thats jut what i get from your post.if he needed the day off he wouldnt make it tomororw sports or not.he would want the next available day off.not feel ok until thursday when its ready to have a day off

DBML · 05/11/2019 20:51

Yes! Absolutely let him have a ‘mental well-being’ day off school...if you want to make a rod for your own back.

kateandme · 05/11/2019 20:52

ps im all for mh days.all for it.but thats when its a need.not in advance.you cant book when youll need a day off.its there and then

koshkat · 05/11/2019 20:52

Teacher here and I say do it. If he needs it, he needs it.

user1497207191 · 05/11/2019 20:54

YABU - he can have a day off on Saturday or Sunday. It's a very slippery slope to let kids start bunking off school.

user1497207191 · 05/11/2019 20:54

Avoidance does not teach resilience.

Well said - you really don't want to be bringing up a snowflake.

HeatedDryer · 05/11/2019 20:55

Why does he have to do chores instead of sport? Why can't he just be allowed to loaf around doing nothing? His life sounds very full on and over organised to be honest, no wonder he wants a day off.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/11/2019 20:57

Has he got a detention or something happening on Thursday that he is worried about? I would dig a little deeper and see if theres a way of planning a very relaxing day on Saturday, because it might be worse if he takes a whole day off school. Having said that, you know him best and its good that he's able to talk to.

redchocolatebutton · 05/11/2019 20:57

yabu
keep some downtime and possibility to sleep in for weekends and consider dropping an after school activity so that he doesn't get burnt out.

gavisconismyfriend · 05/11/2019 20:59

How good that he’s been honest with you rather than making something up or just skiving school! Young men are particularly prone to stress and burnout and being unable to tell anyone, so him recognising and speaking about it as a teen is to be encouraged. A bit “meh” might well be teenage boy speak for a much deeper need that he can’t/won’t voice, responding to it will validate his attempt to say when he needs help. I’d be really inclined to let him this time, if it starts to happen frequently then I’d be inclined to question the validity of the need, but this first time I’d encourage it and see what happens.

Daisy7654 · 05/11/2019 21:00

I would.
Put your child first, the school doesn't have his best interests at heart like you do.

Even if he's avoiding something on Thursday I would still allow him to avoid it.
I think if you treat children with respect (eg if you wanted to avoid something you'd be at liberty to) then it builds a greater relationship esp. as going into teen years.

Stephminx · 05/11/2019 21:02

No for a variety of reasons.

He’s not sick - have you seen the other thread on someone wanting a day off pretending to be sick just because they’ve not had many sick days ? This is where such an entitled attitude starts. Kids get long holidays and weekends off to relax and recuperate. I’m not saying life isn’t hard for them, but they need to learn to deal with it to survive in the real world.

If he’s so tired, he needs to cut back on his extra curricular activities or socialising (or go to bed earlier). Neither are as important as school - I know you say that he might end up in a related career, but unless he’s David Beckham (or some other good current footballer), he’s still going to need his academics. And what about if he gets injured ?

He needs to be taught that sometimes life sucks and we don’t get to do what we want, but somethings we have to prioritise (like school / work). Even if he goes into his related career, there are aspects he probably won’t like but he has to do. Will he just bunk off that too ?

And finally, I’d be suspicious of him wanting a specific day. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong ?

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 05/11/2019 21:05

Do what you like OP ...I wouldnt do it for either of mine.They work hard and play hard.Its life and they should be getting on with it.If they need help with mental health issues I would engage a professional to help not let them sit on the sofa.Does the school have a councillor or someone he could talk to? Or is he just trying to get out of thursday? Get help if he genuinely needs it totally but if he is just tired then its not a viable excuse.

OldieButaGoodie · 05/11/2019 21:08

I would. I find I need a mental health day off work too sometimes and just that one day really recharges my batteries.

Lovemusic33 · 05/11/2019 21:08

I wouldn’t but it’s hard for me to judge as he’s not my DS. My DD does suffer with her mental health, she has Aspergers, severe anxiety and suffers bullying at school, I have only ever allowed her one day off and that was after she was bullied and I was trying to sort things out with school (and the bully) whilst trying to comfort dd. There are times when dd moans that she needs a day off, I try and encourage her to plod along as it’s only x amount of days until the end of term, or I say she can have a lazy day at the weekend where we will stay in.

Snowman123 · 05/11/2019 21:09

Slippy slope.

I'd clear the weekend schedule and give him time then.

justgivemewine · 05/11/2019 21:10

Yes you/he is being unreasonable. This has been done to death on this thread already.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3638452-Aibu-to-give-my-dc-two-MH-days-a-year

As a parent with a child with real MH issues this just makes me think WTAF. Some people have no fucking idea about real mh issues and are just jumping on the bandwagon for a bit of a skive.

And @LolaSmiles sums it up perfectly just like in the other thread.

“So he can manage with lots of clubs and training but needs to bunk off school because he's tired and doesn't fancy it?
That's not a mental health day and to brand it as such makes a mockery of all the students who really DO have mental health issues.”

He can chill out at weekends and hols (cut down on extra curricular activities if necessary), if someone genuinely needs more time off than that for mh, then they have bigger problems than a random extra day will solve.