To expect a 4 year old to be able to do this?

[CandyCaneDane]

I have had particularly food poisoning over the past couple of days, needless to say it's been pretty miserable. I'm at home with DD (4) and DH is working full time. My parents live at the opposite end of the country and MIL nearby.

MIL wasn't available to help and DH couldn't take time off work without it being hassle so I parked DD in front of the TV with snacks and checked on her (when I crawled out of bed from time to time) but essentially left her to her own devices for most of the day.

I just told a friend this and they were horrified and said I absolutely needed to arrange childcare. At what age would you think your child could kind of fend for themselves for the day if you were ill? WIBU to leave her on the sofa for most of the day?

I'd also expect a 4 yo to be able to get into trouble. Some potentially quite dangerous trouble....

But it ultimately depends on the child, I guess. And you did check in every hour...

You should never leave a child eating on their own at that age. Professional advice.

For those saying your DH should have taken the day off, in many jobs he just couldn't. What if he has a vital job in the NHS and his absence meant clinics, operations etc had to be cancelled? Class teacher in a primary school? Judge or barrister with a court case that day? Self-employed with a big job on? Employed with a huge deadline looming?

I was a SAHM for many years hundreds of miles from family, and it's very tricky when illness hits. I was very fortunate that my husband had a much more flexible job than any named above and could work from home to some extent.

Hope you're better now, OP, and that the rest of the family have avoided it.

My son would have been fine with this from age 3, he'd just watch TV, do drawings, play, bring me things I might need like a drink of water etc. We do call him Mr. Sensible because he's quite risk averse when it comes to thinks like not touching knives or the oven etc.

@G5000 We are in Switzerland too My son started walking to kindergarten by himself before he turned 5. There's a lot less "health and safety" when it comes to kids stuff here too. e.g. at his kindergarten (so 4-6 year olds) they have a workbench with bits of wood and real tools including hammer, saw and nails which they can freely go and work on any time they like with little to no supervision. They also cook sausages on an open fire in the woods on their forest days too.

When it comes to threads like this where people say a 4 year old can't safely be left in their own living room for an hour at a time, I think of children in developing countries who are left all day while parents go out for work, often looking after younger siblings, or even going out to work themselves. It's not necessarily a very safe arrangement but for many people that's just normal everyday family life. Now I don't think that should be acceptable but it does show that young children can be much more capable and responsible than we might expect, and from a very young age too.

PurpleTreeFrog

We're also in Switzerland (again. I was raised here).

Did he already get his 'child safe' pocket knife?

Yeah my mum thought my brother could look after himself at 4 until he used a swivel chair to try to reach the sweets in the top cupboard. Broken arm and concussion.

You were incapacitated. DH has a duty of care to take time off work and yes maybe he’s one of those rare people where it is impossible in which case he should have helped you arrange childcare. If you have kids this is necessary to be a team - what if you are hospitalised for something?

I think its fine

When DD1 was 4 I was very ill with a sickness bug. I could barely lift my head. As a single parent I was totally alone. Not only did she sort her self out but also looked after dd2 who was around 20 months. She changed her nappy, found her pyjamas and put them on, fed them both (thankfully I had picnic type stuff in the fridge such as sausage rolls and mini cucumbers) and got her bedtime milk for her and put her to bed. Our entire flat is the size of many people's front rooms so obviously they were never far away but I can't imagine any further issues if I'd been upstairs. I certainly didn't have baby gates or monitors and wouldn't have been in a position to go out and get them

I probably did at some point but mine were strangely safe around the house, never touched wires etc (now dd2 is an electronic engineer!) they loved tv! But we lived in a house where most the living was on one floor so my bedroom was next to the living room

I think I would have wanted to be on the same floor as my four year old, she is happy to play in her room for quite a while (often 2 hours whilst the younger one naps) so I would have stayed in bed during that time as I can hear her in the next room, then maybe watched ipad in her room.

She can't sort food out for herself though so I'd have had to get lunch out.

Is grim though, I get it.

To all those people who say dh takes a day off. Sometimes they just can't, either due to some thing very important or because they're self employed do lose a lot of money from unscheduled time off.

You know your child OP and what they can handle. You are very fortunate your DD is happy to potter about on her own. My DS is simultaneously an accident waiting to happen and won't leave me alone for 5 minutes so I couldn't do this with him and would have him in the same room with me. However if he was like your DD I would be tempted to do the same

My oldest would have easily coped with that, and did when I wasn't well.

My youngest (ASD) could not be left for a minute at the age.

So I think it's very much up to the individual child.

It depends on the child obviously, but with my dc at 4 jt would have been fine

It depends on the 4 yo. At that age two of my DN absolutely were able to get snacks / make basic breakfasts of cereal and pour their own milk / shower, get dressed, wipe themselves properly after a poo, call 999 in an emergency etc. I have another nephew who absolutely couldn’t do any of those things.

I have a 4 and 5 year old and i would have done exactly as OP. I expect a 4 yo able to get help (e.g. call 999 or open door and go to neighbour) get dressed, get a snack, go to the loo and wipe their bum and wash their hands after, pour cereal for themselves and play on their own in a separate room or in the garden for hours. In reality they will come to me every so often for attention, settle fights. They also require an adult to chivvy them along or like rescue them e.g. for flooding the garden in my absence after 2 minutes.

I kinda balked at the suggestion of a baby gate for a 4 yo... a 2 year old could unlatch and climb over it surely.

@OnlineShopping

"The vomiting can be turned into a game as it doesn’t need to be scary.'

A game? Really? Can you explain how to turn vomiting into a game?

It doesn't even matter if the kid can't get dressed, it won't kill them to stay a day in their pjs. You can always open a few packs of food, even if it's crisps and biscuits if they don't know how to make themselves a sandwich and pour their own milk. Especially if their dad comes home in the evening, a bit of junk food is not a big deal for a couple of days!

I would do this with my 4yo she's quite grown up for her age, knows how to use tv remote and knows where her toys, books are. I'm presuming you didn't leave the cooker on high the front door wide open and the iron plugged in? Of course a 4yo is capable of amusing themselves for a few hours. If they need you, your just upstairs not over the road at your friends house drinking wine.

"Interesting to read the responses though. At what age would you think your children would be capable of playing independently with the parent in another room?"
Oh, one does dislike it when one asks a question and that direct question goes unanswered.
While it is all very well to tell your anecdotes, how does this help the mother to know when she can leave her child alone in another room? Naturally I would never leave my children alone but I may be a little interested to know when others do.

I, too, would like to know how I can turn that truly awful 'v' word into a game so that my youngest, who I will call G, can feel included whilst I am exercising my throat muscles with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Pray tell.

I'd do this for a couple of hours, absolutely. My four year old is quite capable of sitting in front of a film on his own while I make tea in another room.
Whole day seems like a long time though. I'd probably be texting his friends to see if anyone could have him for a couple of hours to at least get him out of the house.

I have a DD the same age and I think you did the best you could in the circumstances. Hope you're feeling better!

Thee threads always make me chuckle. How do you get anything done, ever , if you feel you have to be in the same room as your 4 year old constantly?

I absolutely would have done this. DD would have been up and down the stairs though telling me things, showing me her pictures, asking me to help her with stuff, but I'd have got big chunks of time where I could just lie on the bed feeling sorry for myself.

Whatever are some of these 4 year olds going to do when they start school if they are incapable of leaving their parent's side for a minute, even to go to the loo.

I had gastroenteritis a couple of weeks after dd started potty training, when I threw up in the toilet she watched with great interest then cheered and said "well done mummy"!

In between throwing up, I was half dead on the sofa while dd was playing in the lounge/watching tv. She learned how to use the dvd player, gave me lots of hugs and kisses and was an absolute gem. She was 2 at the time.

she watched with great interest then cheered and said "well done mummy"!