To expect a 4 year old to be able to do this?

[CandyCaneDane]

I have had particularly food poisoning over the past couple of days, needless to say it's been pretty miserable. I'm at home with DD (4) and DH is working full time. My parents live at the opposite end of the country and MIL nearby.

MIL wasn't available to help and DH couldn't take time off work without it being hassle so I parked DD in front of the TV with snacks and checked on her (when I crawled out of bed from time to time) but essentially left her to her own devices for most of the day.

I just told a friend this and they were horrified and said I absolutely needed to arrange childcare. At what age would you think your child could kind of fend for themselves for the day if you were ill? WIBU to leave her on the sofa for most of the day?

Mine would have been fine downstairs alone for a bit at 4, and could get a bowl of cereal, or a yoghurt out of the fridge or similar at that age.

I'd probably have camped out on the sofa with a bucket myself, but it depends on your house, your child, there are no hard and fast rules for such things. You do the best with the circumstances you have.

Depends how big your house is and what ypu could hear. If you are in chatsworth - no. A Wimpy/Bovis box - fine. Providing child ok with it. Mine would have been.

When ds was 2 and I was pg and suffering from HG, I did pretty much what you’ve described, but I dozed on the sofa.

I think your DH should have taken the day off if at all possible. Yes, it might have been a hassle, kids are a hassle.

I have a 4 year old and she would be totally fine. Baby gates, baby monitors, not leaving them alone ever - 4-year olds go to school, as a pp said! In fact, where I live, they walk to school alone. So the idea that they can't be left sitting on a sofa is ..interesting.

DC1 would have been fine in the situation you give OP.

He is very sensible, risk averse and I'd have trusted him to be in a different room for extended periods.

DC2 would wreck havoc!! She is 4.5 and whilst she can be sensible she is also wild, inquisitive, mischievous and easily bored.

So it depends on the child?

No I would not.

I would chose to die on the sofa rather than in another room. Mostly because at 4 none of my kids even let me out of their sight for the loo. Plus they would be painting the walls or something. But I don’t think your situation is particularly unsafe either. What else could you do in the circumstances? I can fall asleep anywhere. I did this a lot in late stages of pg on the sofa wth a toddler periodically prodding me awake. I couldn’t help it. I was done in

I've done this when DS1 was that age. It's not that he's especially sensible or biddable, but he's not particularly adventurous and has always been perfectly happy to sit still watching TV.

my son is six and hates being on his own for very long - there’s no way I could’ve done this

This. My five year old would hound me all day long 😒

I think it depends on how easily you could hear them, how child friendly you house is and how sensible the child is. I’d have left my elder child to it at that age (very sensible and house perfectly safe/easy to hear through walls etc). Would insist on younger child staying the the same floor as we’ve moved house plus he’s less predictable.

I would have stayed on the sofa or had the child playing upstairs where I could at least hear them.

But comments like this My 3 year old would be sensible are just stupid. Children are only sensible until they aren't, and you cannot know when that might be. It's a completely irresponsible expectation.

My 4 year old would be fine. Not ideal, but he’d survive. He’d just come and get me if he needed something. My house is also all on one level so I’d be able to hear him pretty well anyway

Sadly I have a 2 year old too so I couldn’t leave them both unattended

In this scenario ( but with two) I lay on the sofa, whilst they played ( trashed) the room.

I was at a friends once and we were all in the garden playing, she had left her five year old alone in the house. When I went to the loo, the front door was wide open.
I was having a breakdown, they lived on a main road!! Anything could have happened, she was fine with it!.? Said they leave her downstairs alone a lot 😱

My son is 4 and I would do this. He is very trustworthy and would just come up stairs if he needed anything. He would be happy on his iPad and playing all day.

Yes I would have done the same as you, if I was actually going to go to sleep I may have restricted her to her bedroom (where all the toys are) or even ipad quietly on the bed with me. But I would have no problem with her being downstairs by herself.

Hmm I’m pretty lax but I wouldn’t be ok with this at 4, it’s mostly the food thing. I’d be ok if they were next door in their room so I could hear them or I’d have duvet on the sofa. But I’d need to be in the same room while they are eating for most foods unless we’re talking yoghurts or quavers

I don’t know what age I’ll feel ok about food

And I agree I think it's easier with one child on their own at that age. Mine are far apart so I only had one when he was 4 and he was fairly independent. But he had nobody to argue with.

Your DH should have taken the day off. You weren’t capable of looking after your child so he needed to step up.

I would also have stayed on the sofa and let my four year old have the run of the downstairs of the house. The vomiting can be turned into a game as it doesn’t need to be scary.

I got very ill shortly after dd turned 3. I never recovered and am disabled and chronically ill. I go to bed when necessary. Laying on the sofa does not give me the level of rest required to be able to function. I used to go to bed for an hour, maybe a bit more from when dd was 3. The doors were open and the rules included no eating.

Needs must but I don’t think your dd should have been left to eat alone.

4 year olds can do silly stuff, put something in their mouths, knock their heads, investigate a cupboard. Often enough not to leave alone.

I think it’s always useful to have in your head - what would I expect a nursery or school to do?

I would report a school or nursery for leaving a child age four, five or six unsupervised.

However, kids in your home within ear shot for short periods time of time I’d leave from age 5 I guess - in the next room. Depends on other factors though too, is your child a bit accident prone? Do you have a dog?

I have a special needs child aged and I wouldn’t leave them unsupervised - but in another room on the same floor where I could still see and hear them. I wouldn’t be upstairs and if I’d camp next to them and just get out to be sick. Which I have done!

My daughter (4 almost 5) would have been fine ding this but would probably prefer to be upstairs and nurse me like the little darling she is :)

My daughter is 3 and would be fine doing this. She's pretty independent for her age and likes playing with her toys alone and watching tv. When I have been ill she will come to find me when she's bored or wants to chat.

Nothing wrong with what you've done OP. My 4yo would be fine, but would badger me every 5 mins! And while I agree if it was flu type thing you'd be better on settee in same room not for a vomiting bug.

Also at the PP who suggested a baby monitor!

My 4yo wouldn't leave me alone for hours at a time and I would not leave her downstairs I'd be with her, vomit bucket and all.

@G5000 4yo walk to school on their own??? Where do you live?