To expect a 4 year old to be able to do this?

[CandyCaneDane]

I have had particularly food poisoning over the past couple of days, needless to say it's been pretty miserable. I'm at home with DD (4) and DH is working full time. My parents live at the opposite end of the country and MIL nearby.

MIL wasn't available to help and DH couldn't take time off work without it being hassle so I parked DD in front of the TV with snacks and checked on her (when I crawled out of bed from time to time) but essentially left her to her own devices for most of the day.

I just told a friend this and they were horrified and said I absolutely needed to arrange childcare. At what age would you think your child could kind of fend for themselves for the day if you were ill? WIBU to leave her on the sofa for most of the day?

Er your DH couldn’t get time off work without hassle? Of course your child’s carer being sick is a hassle! He sounds a bit of a twat - couldn’t be arsed to put himself out, could he?

But otherwise I would have been in same room on sofa.

Nope. You should have been sent to bed while your husband stayed home. If he really really couldn’t then HE should have sorted out childcare.

It’s only bloody women expected to function normally when violently ill

My two would both have been fine with that at that age.

I wouldn't leave a 4yo unsupervised while I was asleep. If I could hear her that would be alright.

I am incredibly impressed your four-year-old didn’t crawl into bed with you. Mine would have.
You were in a jam, you did what you had to do, everybody wins.

As soon as they are out of the cot - and even just before, the house should be as childproof as it will ever be. It only means removing chemicals and medicine and keeping them well out of their reach, and making sure they can't open front doors.

If you are constantly vomiting, you have no choice. Your child would be just as alone if you were sitting on the loo for hours with diarrhoea!
If you can, yes, drag yourself on the sofa, it's better.

I had the flu with 2 under 5, that was fun - this is why I don't allow my kids to watch much tv, so I do not feel guilty when I need them to be stuck in front of a screen eating rubbish food.

Don't worry OP, if your friend were so horrified, they would have offered to come and babysit for you.

I would have stayed on the sofa too.

Also - a baby gate, for a 4 year old? 4 year olds go to school! I think we took baby gates off long before 4. Very odd suggestion.

Mine would have been fine
She's been ok playing on her own since three and knows how to come and find me! She's nearly 5 now and sometimes she's in her room playing so long I have to check on her! I can't believe people think you'd need to shut them in the same room as you!

Actually, to add - if this had been me or DP, the other one would’ve taken the day off work to look after DC I think.

I did the same with my then 4 year old, when small I would put them in the cot, my eldest was pretty self sufficient and used to serve up bowls of dry cereal for her and her little brother. I would be upstairs but my room was at the top of the stairs and the stairs were in the lounge so I could hear everything. (I used to get migraines)

However no way could I have done it with dd2. Firstly she wouldn't go in a cot, and as she got older she would just scream at me and hit me if I as much as tried to lie down. Even autistic ds will put a blanket over me/ give me a teddy if he thinks I am not very well.

I am fairly relaxed on the whole supervision thing though.

I don’t see a problem with it, I’d be worried she’s going to catch your illness being stuck in with you all day and you caring for her but it’s one of those things and can’t always be avoided.

My 4yo wakes regularly at 5am. We don’t get up with him - he has a grow clock and plays until 6.15 then comes in to us. There no real difference!

None of mine would have been contained by a baby gate at the age of 4! Is that suggestion for real?

OP it's obviously not ideal but in the circumstances, I think what you did is fine. At 4 they are more than capable of shouting or coming to you for help if they need it. A day of pottering with snacks and TV will do no harm.

DS1 no but DS2 yes. You know your child.

My 4 year old would be fine alone but she does quite like her own company. I suspect at some point she would’ve bought her tablet in and got into bed with me though.

I feel quite lucky that she’s like this in situations like you describe

The way you described it in your OP sounds like she was on her own all day and sounds pretty sad. Its a one off when you are stuck for childcare though. Im in the same boat, no family nearby, it's hard. What can you do? My 4yo will entertain herself for about an hour max and then would come looking for me or be bored.

Back in the day though a 4 year old could be out all day playing on the street with other children, so I don't think you should feel bad.

If you have something catching I think it's fine as long as she could come to you anytime she wanted.

Sounds horrendous. I hope you’re feeling better.

Nope. I'd have stayed on the couch too.

DS4 plays independently without a parent in the room, and can be left to his own devices. He will come and find someone, or more likely shout, if he needs something. He’s also old enough to understand that when someone is ill they aren’t able to do things as they might usually. I certainly wouldn’t be getting baby gates out for a four year old!!

My 4 year old cant seem to move or do anything other than watch TV if it's on. She would literally sit there for hours, apart from stopping to go to the toilet so I wouldn't mind doing what you did.

The thing I'd be most worried about would be passing on the bug when I got her a drink or food etc

Absolutely unreasonable to leave her with food, children that age should not be left eating without supervision, coming from a paed nurse whose seen the sad cases in A&E.

Surely people of any and every age can choke? At some point, you have to be able to stop watching every mouthful. In school lunch halls nobody will be closely watching 4 yr olds eat. There will be adults around but not enough to be watching every individual child eat.

DH couldn't take time off work without it being hassle

Whereas for you, lying in bed with a sick bowl and looking after your 4 year old was no hassle at all.

Ah yes, the Great Male Job which must on no account be disturbed by trivial things like childcare. If your DH had been the one throwing up into a bowl, he wouldn't have gone into work, so it must be POSSIBLE for him to take some time off?

All of my children would have been absolutely fine at that age and would have come upstairs if they needed anything.

In fact although I never did it I would have trusted my kids left home alone all day they were that trustworthy! Everyone's child is different, you would never have left my nephew alone at the same age.